When you marry into a family, you typically marry into their traditions as well, and unfortunately, you may not exactly be thrilled about all of them.
Some could be pretty innocent, like everyone wearing matching pajamas on Christmas morning, and some can be a bit more on the macabre side, like an unusual funeral ritual that leaves you feeling pretty creeped out.
Whatever the case, once you’re part of that family, there’s an expectation placed on you to take part in those traditions.
But for one shocked groom-to-be, the tradition he found himself positively unable to respect was actually meant to take place before he joined the family, not after.
He recently shared his story to the subreddit r/AmITheAsshole in an effort to find out if his refusal to take part made him…well, an asshole or not.
As he wrote , he and his fiancée have been engaged for a year, but before he placed that ring on her finger, she had warned him about a “weird tradition” involving weddings that her family has:
“She said that the boy must take the mother of the bride out on a date night, buy her a dress and something to sleep in, pay for everything and buy them a hotel to stay in.”
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Definitely unusual, but let’s not be so quick to judge, right?
After all, the woman insisted that doesn’t mean he actually has to sleep with her mom, “although a long time ago it did.”
Upon hearing this, the man said he actually laughed and asked if she was serious. When his then-girlfriend confirmed that indeed she was, he still had a difficult time believing her, but decided to put the matter to bed.
Of course, now that the pair are engaged, that little family tradition inevitably came up again.
With less than a month to go before the big day , the bride-to-be approached her groom and asked if he had decided what he and her mom would do for their “date night.”
As he wrote, “I laughed it off and waited for her to move on. She didn’t, she looked confused as to why I was laughing. She insisted again that this was 100% serious and that she expected me to do it.”
Apparently, this is a family tradition that began a long time ago as a way of “kicking off the marriage”.
Back then, the groom and mother-in-law would actually sleep together, although nowadays there isn’t any sort of sexual expectation placed on the arrangement.
That certainly didn’t help to ease the man’s discomfort, especially when he was told he wasn’t allowed to simply buy his future MIL a nice dinner — the hotel part was nonnegotiable.
“I didn’t want to spend a night alone in a hotel with someone who wasn’t my girlfriend or wife,” he explained in his post. “I insisted that I wouldn’t do the hotel part.”
His refusal to partake upset his bride-to-be, which led to an argument before she simply stormed off in a huff.
Of course, once she told her family he was having some serious cold feet, the groom found himself the target of ridicule.
Many members have branded him a “jerk” for not wanting to carry on a family tradition, but his future MIL has actually reached out to tell him it’s perfectly OK for him to refuse.
In fact, she insisted she understands that he has “a right to say no.”
With the actual mother-of-the-bride’s blessing to ditch the bizarre tradition, the groom figured the problem had been solved.
However, despite relaying this information to his bride, the man said she still maintains that he needs to follow tradition.
So he has just one question for the people of Reddit: Is he an asshole for not wanting to?
For many users, the answer is a very firm, “no.”
“That sounds incredibly uncomfortable, and I would definitely be upset if my partner’s family expected me to do that,” this person wrote, while another added, “If you’re not comfortable doing something, it ends there. Getting married is a two way street and it’s really rough that your fiancée isn’t willing to acknowledge that you’re uncomfortable.”
In fact, many wondered how the bride was so willing to go along with a family tradition that would potentially see *her* end up in a hotel room with her future son-in-law.
As this user pointed out, “[Has] anyone stopped to think that if they have a daughter, when daughter decides to marry, OPs wife would consider sleeping with her future [son-in-law]?”
Someone else actually posed this interesting query: “If they have a son does the FIL get to sleep with the bride? Does OP’s father want to sleep with his wife ?”
However, the man has since clarified the tradition is exclusive to mother-in-laws and son-in-laws.
Some people actually pointed out that apart from the hotel part, this tradition is actually kind of sweet.
“I think the idea of taking your future mother-in-law on a little dinner date before the wedding is a cute idea,” this person wrote. “Like a bonding experience for the two of you. The hotel part seems to just take it over the edge from cute to hella weird.”
Upon further questioning from some users, the man revealed that his bride-to-be is part of the Roma culture, which makes things even more confusing.
“I’m Roma and I can tell you this isn’t normal and it’s hella weird,” this person revealed. “Does not happen. It’s not a culture thing — it’s a their family thing.”
That same person later added , “Bride price you hear of. Arranged marriages you hear of. There’s even silly traditions like paying the bride to dance with her during her wedding. But nothing like this.”
Overall, the man’s post has just left a lot of people feeling confused, and honestly pretty creeped out.
However, it should be noted that in a separate comment, he claimed he actually wouldn’t mind sharing a bed with his MIL, except for the threat of it potentially leading to something a bit more NSFW:
“Sleeping in a bed with someone attractive with alcohol in your system is never a smarty thing to do.”
Because of this shudder-inducing update, many people now believe this post may simply be a big, steaming pot of B.S.
But what do you think about all of this?
If the man is telling the truth, should he put aside his discomfort to respect his bride’s familial traditions, or should he stand his ground and refuse? Or do you think this whole thing is one big joke? Let us know!
h/t: Reddit