There are many moments in an expecting mother’s life where she disagrees with her own mother on things that have to do with her pregnancy. Many times, our parents feel they know “what’s best” for us, as they have already raised children. Other times, they feel entitled to be included because they are, of course, having a grandchild.
While having parents involved in your life as an adult is okay, there are some instances where they cross the line.
Sometimes, expecting grandparents can overstep and blur the lines on the boundaries we create for ourselves. And, sometimes, we feel like we may be overreacting — it’s almost hard to say.
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One soon-to-be mom wrote into Reddit asking for advice over her mother’s actions after her baby shower.
The expecting mother said that her mother had been “exhibiting” some strange behaviors and she was concerned.
The first “strange” behavior was her mother’s reaction to the news of her daughter’s pregnancy.
“The first red flag was when my husband and I drove an hour to their place last fall to tell my parents in person that I was pregnant. Their reaction was a non-reaction.
“My mom said ‘Yeah, you look like you’ve gained weight. We already knew.’ And I just remember feeling really disappointed and hurt.
“There wasn’t any excitement or a congratulations, my parents didn’t even get off the couch for hugs or anything,” the new mom wrote.
Fast forward to the spring, the expecting mom said the pandemic was “in full swing.”
“We found out we were having twins so our 1-bedroom house wasn’t going to cut it. So we were in the process of moving for my virtual shower and had the gifts all sent to my parents’ house,” she added.
The two were “blessed” with a lot of gifts from friends and family.
However, she was in for a huge surprise.
“My mom opened every single box before she dropped them off. I asked her why she opened them and she got offended and acted like I was weird for being upset,” she added.
The expecting mom was confused as to why her mother was offended.
“They were my gifts? At a normal shower, I would have opened them myself, I don’t think this should have been any different,” she wrote in the Reddit post.
Additionally, after having her twins, the new mom discovered she was pregnant again and her mom crossed another big boundary.
The mother wrote on Reddit that after telling her mother about her pregnancy news, she went behind her back and delivered the news to her sister, without telling the expecting mother.
The Reddit user asked if she was “overreacting” about her mother’s continuation of crossing boundaries.
The majority of Reddit users agreed that this mom has just crossed the line too many times.
“You’re not crazy. Your mom passed the normal boundaries miles ago. My advice would be to stop giving her information and stop inviting her to participate in things that she’ll take over /take away from you,” one person commented.
Others said it’s time to distance herself from her mother if she keeps this up.
“That behavior was and is despicable. Please do not doubt yourself and what you already know. Protect your kids and SO [significant other] and yourself from these people. You have zero obligation to them. Opened your shower gifts and had the nerve to be offended when you addressed such? Oh hell no.
“You deserve people around you who love you and genuinely celebrate your life moments,” another wrote on the thread.
After receiving so much feedback and comments on the thread, the Reddit user added to the post.
She thanked everyone for their input and for helping her understand that her feelings were indeed valid. She also opened up about her struggles with her mother.
She said it wasn’t until she was older that the interactions between her and her mother became not exactly “normal.”
“My entire life my mom has always been ‘right’ in my family and everyone goes along with the program (except me sometimes) and I fully believed this until I became an adult and started seeing other family interactions and started to realize this isn’t normal,” she wrote.
She said that the Reddit users have helped her see the light in the choices she needs to make.
“Very easy for other people to read this and say ‘why are you still involved?’ When I’ve only just recently started to realize the extent of my family’s BS. However, I still appreciate the comments because the fact that every single one was like ‘lol she crazy run’ is giving me the encouragement I was looking for,” she added.
She admitted that the reason she originally asked the question is because she has now started therapy.
“I originally asked this question because I’ve started therapy and I’m hesitant to start diving into my ‘mommy issues’ when there’s a lot going on. However, you all have me convinced I definitely need to hash this out in therapy,” she said.
It goes to show you that the internet can be a very helpful place.
Whether you need some advice on pressing issues or you need to get an objective opinion from someone who doesn’t know you, Reddit and the internet can truly be a place of eye-opening discoveries!
