We all know the Christmas drill — after you’ve opened your presents, you have to find whoever gave them to you, flash a smile, and wrap your arms around them in a slightly stiff hug to say “thank you.”
It’s exactly what we were taught to do because, as our parents explained, we “owe” these people a physical show of gratitude, rather than just a mumbled “thanks.”
However, in preparation for the upcoming holiday season, the Girl Scouts of America have issued a statement to parents to remind them that they shouldn’t force their daughters to hug relatives as this may set a bad example about consent, CNN reported.
In a recent Twitter post, the GSUSA told parents their daughter “doesn’t owe anyone a hug. Not even at the holidays.”
While these hugs are typically of a non-sexual nature shared between relatives, the organization wants parents to understand that telling girls they “owe” someone a hug simply because they gave them something could give these kids “the wrong idea about consent and physical affection.”
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A longer statement was posted on the official Girl Scouts website to further explain this point.
There, Girl Scouts’ developmental psychologist, Dr. Andrew Bastiani Archibald, said :
“The notion of consent may seem very grown-up and like something that doesn’t pertain to children, but the lessons girls learn when they’re young about setting physical boundaries and expecting them to be respected last a lifetime, and can influence how she feels about herself and her body as she gets older.”
To put it simply, telling a girl she owes someone physical affection for a present could skew her understanding of when else she owes someone the same thing.
This, as the Girl Scouts organization explained , can “set the stage for her questioning whether she ‘owes’ another person any type of physical affection when they’ve bought her dinner or done something else seemingly nice for her later in life.”
Of course, they understand some girls may naturally want to express physical affection for their family and friends.
While this is certainly acceptable, GSUSA specified that they’re talking about daughters who are a bit more shy and unwilling to hug anyone on her own accord. They should have their own free will to decide who they hug and when.
“Consider letting her choose what to do,” the organization wrote.
This doesn’t mean you should just let your daughters be rude and ignore someone who’s given them a present.
Instead, find a different means of showing appreciation that doesn’t require physical contact.
“Saying how much she’s missed someone or ‘thank you’ with a smile, a high-five, or even an air kiss are all ways she can express herself, and it’s important that she knows she gets to choose which feels most comfortable to her.”
Unsurprisingly, the internet is pretty divided on this concept, with some supporting the Girl Scouts while others are criticizing them.
“This is just stupid,” one Twitter user wrote. “There’s nothing wrong with telling a son or daughter to give Grandma and Grandpa a hug when they come to see them for the holidays.”
Another added that forcing children to hug relatives “is teaching them manners. Something apparently unimportant to the new @girlscouts.”
However, those in agreement with the organization are praising them for standing up for young girls.
“I absolutely wish that the family I was raised in had adhered to this practice and the greater principle at play,” this user wrote. “Your daughter doesn’t OWE anyone physical affection for any reason. Female bodies should never be playgrounds for quid pro quos.”
Someone else echoed this and said, “Wish this mentality was around when I was growing up as I was constantly forced to spend time and be affectionate with relatives who made me feel uncomfortable.”
Many users have also pointed out that those opposed to this “no hug” concept are largely male.
As this user pointed out, “So many dudes triggered by this thread because they know no one in their family wants to voluntarily make physical contact with them.”
“All I see replying to this is a bunch of triggered, white, conservative, male boomers,” another person added. “Why are a bunch of old white guys upset that they have to ask a little girl if it’s okay to touch her or not?”
As one person explained, it would be in everyone’s best interest to simply ask if a child feels comfortable giving a relative a hug.
Personally, speaking as someone who grew up cripplingly shy, I also wish my parents would have adopted this similar approach to the holidays.
Even now, when I give my younger relatives a gift and their parents order them to thank me with a reluctant hug, I feel sorry for them. It would be nice if we could at least give the unwilling kids a choice in the matter, rather than forcing them onto their relatives.
h/t: CNN , Girl Scouts
