A father has taken to the parenting subreddit to ask for advice on how to encourage his son after he came home one day to learn the surprising reason the boy wasn’t in his ‘usual cheerful mood’.
He and the boy’s mother are split up
The original poster (OP) started his post by explaining that he, 30, and his son’s mother, 28, split up when the boy was 12 months old and now live separately.
He shared that one day, he came home from work to find that his son was not in his ‘usual cheerful mood’.
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So he asked him what happened
OP wrote, “I asked him what was up, and he told me that he took his state capitals quiz today.” He noted that his 10-year-old son has to learn about 12 states per week.
“He told me that he got six out of 12 states correct. Basically he failed the test,” the father wrote.
The dad encouraged him despite this
“I told him, ‘well that means you need to study a bit more for the upcoming test, maybe just reading them off the map wasn’t a good idea, we can try and look things up like facts to help you,’” OP went on.
But the boy began to cry
The dad added that his son responded in a ‘little sad voice’, before he began to cry. He wrote, “I held his shoulder and told him ‘hey buddy, I’m not upset, we will work on it.’”
“Then he said, ‘I know, it’s just that my mom told me I always have to get 100% on all my tests.”
The father didn’t like what he heard
“I kind of lost my s*** mentally there,” the dad went on.
“See this is a woman who literally told me and him that he NEEDS to do his homework while he’s with me, a woman that NEVER shows up to parent teacher conferences, and besides that, my son is in 5th grade doing math at a 7 grade level, reading at a 6 grade level.”
It broke his heart to see the boy like this
The dad shared that it ‘pains’ him to see his son ‘disappointed in himself because he thinks he needs to be perfect because of the standards his mom has put in him.’
He added that the mother wouldn’t be receptive if he tried to talk to her about the ‘unrealistic expectations and how it affects him’.
The dad is asking for advice
“I’m stuck because I know trying to talk to his mom about it will be useless and if anything she’ll get mad at him,” OP wrote. “I also don’t want to put an anti-mom rhetoric in my son.”
People took to the comments with parenting tips, with one person advising he reassure his child about his efforts.
They acknowledged how ‘upsetting’ it was
One commenter wrote, “That sounds really upsetting. I think laying out the study options the way you did lays a really good framework—sometimes people experience failures, and the important thing is to pick yourself up, dust off, and try again.”
They advised he provide reassurance
“I would reassure your kid about how well he’s doing overall academically, and that effort is what is important,” the commenter went on.
“You don’t even have to directly say ‘your mom is unreasonable.’ Just offer a safe place.”
