Having a baby and growing a family is a life-changing experience for many women. For many women, becoming a mother changes them. Many mothers say that once they have a child — no matter the method or process — they realize that their capacity to love another person increases tremendously.
Some parents say that you never truly know love until you have kids.
While this may be true for most parents, not everyone buys into this ideology. In fact, some believe that it’s false and truthfully offensive to say something along those lines.
Recently, a new mother sought advice about her experience on Reddit
No-Fee-5823 shared with the Reddit community that she gave birth to her daughter a few weeks ago. As most new mothers do, she cried when she was able to hold her daughter in her arms for the very first time. Savoring the moment that you finally get to hold the baby you have been growing inside you is something you will never forget.
She explained that she looked into her daughter’s eyes and said, “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much.”
Her mother and fiancé were both there in the room
After she said this statement, her mother looked at her and said the feeling “never goes away,” which made both the new mom and her mother cry. She further explained that this moment was truly special — her being there with her mom, and now her newborn daughter.
Her fiancé was standing nearby quietly. She said that he “smiled” but didn’t say anything to add to their moment or even agree with the love she felt for their new daughter.
Later on, he shared that the statement she made “hurt him”
Privately, when her mother was gone, her fiancé explained that when she said that she realized she “didn’t realize she could love a person this much,” it truly hurt him. He shared that he loves his fiancé and their daughter the same, not one more than another.
He added that when she said that, it made him feel as though she loved their daughter more than him.
The new mom let it go — but he brought it up again later
At first, she let it slide. However, after he brought it up again, she explained, “I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being.” Her fiancé doubled down and said he felt it was still wrong, and most “normal people” would agree that her statement was hurtful.
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He also shared that anyone would take offense to it. She asked if she was wrong for what she had said.
People online had a lot of opinions about this
Most Reddit users sided with the new mom, saying that once you become a parent, your world changes. No love is more unconditional in life than that between a parent and their child.
“I’ve been with my husband for 40 years and to this day, I love my two adult daughters more than my husband. He knows it and is ok with it. It’s a different kind of love. It’s not romantic like with a partner. It’s endless, selfless, without conditions, it’s to the soul kind of love,” shared IntroductionNo7686.
Some thought that it was weird for her fiancé to be “jealous” of their baby
People on Reddit also found it strange that their fiancé focused so hard on the jealousy of sharing love rather than the birth of their new baby girl.
“So… he himself had no rush of love or emotion and instead, as his beloved partner held his infant daughter in her arms, was consumed by jealousy and bitterness? THAT is not normal,” commented LaVidaLemur.
However, some said they could understand the husband’s POV
Moms get nine months to bond with their babies. They are the ones who are carrying them, feeling them, and living through the entire pregnancy attached to their baby. Dads don’t get that experience.
“You have been carrying and growing and bonding with your baby for 9 months. You just went through birthing the baby. Hormones are flooding your system, specifically bonding hormones. If you’re breastfeeding, it’s even closer bonding. You will likely feel so close to your baby after all of them. Your husband had a different experience,” wrote serenerepose.
They continued: “He’s spent 9 months being concerned for both of you. He watched your labor and worried for both of you. He might have even had an internal conversation about which of you he might have to choose to save if your labor went bad. He’s not flooding with hormones. He’s not bonding with the baby yet.” And, a few people said the new mom reacted rather poorly
Despite disagreeing with what her fiancé said, some Reddit users felt she reacted badly and shut him down when he was vulnerable about his feelings.
“Nobody is mentioning this, but your fiance didn’t cause a scene or anything, his feelings were hurt and he brought it up to you when the time was appropriate. You dismissed him entirely and in a really d*ckish way instead of just talking to him,” wrote this user. “Whether his feelings make sense or not, your reaction was super sh*tty lol. Humans aren’t computers, we’re not always gonna have 100% logical feelings, and a lot of the time they’re out of our control.”
They continued: “What he heard, whether you meant it or not, was ‘I have never truly loved someone until this point.’ which he took a little personally and brought up to you when the moment was right, maybe for clarification or maybe for a little validation. We don’t know, because you didn’t even think twice before shutting him down and making him feel stupid.”
After reading through the comments, the mom updated the Reddit thread
She shared that after talking and reading through the Reddit comments, her fiancé said that he wasn’t jealous of their daughter, but was a bit “jealous” of the bond that the mom and baby girl had already. The mom shared that she is learning this can be normal for dads, as many users pointed out.
In addition, the new dad admitted that he definitely could have chosen a better time to discuss it and bring it up — not after his fiancé was in labor for 14 hours with their daughter. The two shared that they have come to a mutual understanding, and they’re happily bonding with their daughter now.
H/T Reddit
