If your kid had food allergies , it stands to reason that you’d make them a birthday meal that they can eat, right?
One mom, whose daughter is severely allergic to dairy and eggs, was planning on doing just that for her daughter’s first birthday. But her announcement caused some unexpected drama with the in-laws.
Was she in the right or in the wrong?
This is another one of those posts where a Redditor asks an informal jury of their peers if their actions make them look like a jerk.
You can read the post right here .
To begin, let’s lay the groundwork: OP’s daughter is turning one year old, and said daughter cannot have eggs or dairy.
OP planned a meat- and dairy-free birthday meal.
Naturally, she planned an appropriate birthday meal for her daughter.
“This is becoming a problem now because my husband doesn’t want to have ‘only vegan food’ because he says [he] and his side of the family won’t eat it,” explained OP. “I wasn’t planning on anything too out there.”
On the menu: vegetable soup and chocolate cake.
“My nephews on my husband’s side won’t eat the soup at all, I guess, and neither will their parents,” explained OP. “The boys, I think, would have liked the cake, but as soon as my in-laws discovered it was ‘vegan’ they said they won’t eat vegan food, and neither will their kids.”
“My husband wants to just do pizza and ‘normal’ cake because it’s what they like.”
OP says the chocolate cake contains apple sauce instead of eggs and oat milk instead of milk. Still sounds pretty tasty to me, but I guess these in-laws are picky.
One important point: OP isn’t vegan, but calls things ‘vegan’ because it’s an easy, shorthand way to cover her daughter’s allergy.
Is she a jerk or a good mom?
Thousands of people responded, and overwhelmingly, the verdict was that OP is not a jerk.
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“People who refuse to eat perfectily normal food because it happens to be vegan are tiresome,” wrote one. “Like, oh no, how dare you serve me vegetables, fruits or grains! Have these people really never chosen to eat oatmeal or veggie stir fry or peanut butter and jelly or tomato soup?”
“Do you trust your husband to take her allergy seriously? Now and in the future?”
One commenter pointed out that OP’s husband’s dismissiveness of their daughter’s allergies is concerning.
“I hope the answer is a deep and true yes and he’s just acting spoiled instead of being actively dangerous to your child. It also sounds like his whole family might be prone to ignoring her allergy.”
“I can’t have gluten and my family still don’t [*sic*] understand why I get upset when they buy a regular cake on MY birthday.”
The story struck a nerve for others who’ve had legitimate food allergies dismissed by family members.
While allergic people may have to grin and bear it with meals the other 364 days of the year, is it too much to expect that they get what they want on their birthday?
Did anyone blame OP?
Barely. One commenter wrote , “No dairy, no eggs does not mean no meat. And soup is not a celebration meal in the US, outside of cultural family meals.”
They go on to berate OP for “not talking with your husband, the father of your daughter, when planning the party.”
The verdict is in.
“Your husband is a [jerk] who is so selfish that he can’t even accommodate his daughter’s restrictions for ONE day,” one commenter weighed in . “If you hadn’t told him, he would have eaten a vegan cake and would have never been able to tell the difference.”
How would you handle this?
I think it’s pretty clear that OP has her daughter’s best interests at heart and is in the right. Still, family dynamics can be incredibly difficult to navigate. Let us know how you’d deal with this situation in the comments.
