If there’s one thing we love, it’s a good roast !
We see them all the time on Comedy Central (we’re still not laughing from Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s jokes).
Even better than this? Comebacks that people didn’t see coming. These are the insults that deserve a mic drop, applause, whatever celebration you can think of.
So, get a pen and grab some great material here!
The Walmart sting
Let’s be real, a lot of crazy stuff goes down at Walmart.
So it’s not surprising that this Redditor witnessed someone yelling out, “I’m not ashamed of who I am,” only for another voice to echo back, “that’s your parent’s job.”
That’s gotta sting
“I asked my mother why she always wears makeup despite being in her 40s. She told me she wears makeup so she doesn’t look like me. Edit: I was 9.” -u/wabixx
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Savage granny
Don’t be fooled by the sweet presence of old ladies. They can be savage when they want to be!
When this worker told their 70-year-old supervisor to kiss their butt, she replied, “where do I start, you’re so fat your crack goes all the way up your back.'” Burrrrn .
A killer burn is about to land
“Air Traffic Control doing a poor job of vectoring an Airbus A330 in for landing. Pilot: ‘You’ve left us too high, I don’t think we can make the approach.’ ATC: ‘You’ve got speedbrakes on that thing, don’t you?’ Pilot: (After a noticeable pause) ‘Yes, but those are for my mistakes, not yours.'” – u/DerpDishPizza
No one cares
“A dude in my class called out a semi friend of mine, that people are talking behind his back. In fact, that wasn’t the case, as far as I know, and that guy said: ‘Well you know what the say about you? Nothing, nobody [expletive] cares.” – u/ItsTime4you2go
The love burn
We love it when couples can tease each other!
This Redditor shared a great comeback from a wife. After a husband asked, “if you weren’t so stupid, what would you be?” the wife replied, “Single” without skipping a beat.
The mom in hell
“So there was 2 girls fighting and one of them looks at my sister who was minding her own busyness and says: you go to hell too! My sister:do you want me to say anything to your mom?” – u/Doc_Jack_Bright
Congratulations!
“Overheard by me, the school bus driver, one fifth grade student was belittling a first grader. When it was time for a comeback, first grader shouts out, ‘Congratulations!’ The bewildered fifth grader had nothing to say and went to sit down with her friends in the back of the bus.” – u/emzirek
The old married couple!
When this Redditor’s grandma asked her husband to help with something around the house, he said, “if you’d lose some weight, you could do it yourself.”
She glared at him and said, “I’m thinking of getting rid of about 200 lbs of useless fat immediately…”
He replied, “You’re going to cut off your foot?”
The bald guy
“A guy makes fun of his bald friend by rubbing his head and saying, ‘Wow, your head is as smooth as my wife’s bottom.’ The friend also rubs his head and says, ‘Wow – you’re right.'” – u/p38-lightning
Double the trouble
“A friend of mine was getting bitched at by these 2 identical twin girls in a class I had once, he replied with a troubling look on his face and said, “if you two are identical, how come only 1 of you are hot?” – u/BanterBear
R-r-r-remix
When this Redditor was in Target, he witnessed a fight between two kids.
One kid was singing, which caused the other kid to say, “those aren’t even the right words!” Without missing a beat, the singing kid responded, “yeah well this is the remix.”
*mic drop*
“Was out with a friend who was wearing a silly outfit. Someone came up and said, ‘Why are you wearing that, it’s not Halloween!’ He replied with ‘Then why don’t you take off that hideous mask?'” – u/The2500
Little man, big ego
“This short guy at a bar was talking [expletive] to my friend and he said, ‘I’m going to be the bigger man and walk away.’ To which my friend replied, ‘you will never be the bigger man.'” – u/dustnbrewks
The cold call
Anyone who’s ever worked in a call center knows that customers can be pretty mean.
When this Redditor had a rude customer tell them to go, “[expletive] his hand,” he responded with, “I’ve got that penciled in for 3. I should be done by 4 if you’d like to come in for an appointment then?” The guy laughed and ended up coming in.
The roast is served
“I was fat during freshman year in high school. The jerk kid with a dead mom asked me why. I told him it was because I had a mom to cook for me.” – u/PointyDogElbows
Sixth feet under
“I was joking with a couple of buddies, and may have suggested that I banged one of their moms, to which said friend replied, ‘my mom’s dead.’ My mouth bypassed my brain and replied, ‘that explains the dirt.'” – u/CGPsaint
The Karen
Here’s the scene: a french manager and a Karen was arguing. Being the Karen that the customer was, they said that customers are king. The manager then shot back with, “you’re in France, here we decapitate kings.”
The donation
“In middle school a boy asked when I was going to grow some boobs. So I asked him when he was donating his… Then proceed to proudly walk to my desk with a big smile. I’m still really proud of that one.” – u/Jaci_D
