Right off the bat, let me be blunt: this article is absolutely NSFW. Then again, you clicked on it, so anything you might see is on you.
You read the headline. You saw the header pic. If you ever needed proof that we’re living in the most WTF possible timeline, here it is.
Chocolate: it’s great.
It comes in a million billion varieties. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Humans and chocolate have a good thing going on. But now we’ve gone and messed it up.
This isn’t the first gross chocolate product.
Who could forget Edible Anus, the company that will sell you a box of handcrafted artisanal chocolates that look, for no apparent reasons, exactly like buttholes?
There’s a new chocolatier in town.
This one, the aptly named Dick At Your Door, has a bold claim atop its page : through them, you can finally send a chocolate johnson to absolutely anyone in the whole wide world.
Sweet.
Wait, wait — I’m not finished. These aren’t just any chocolate dongs. These units come in a variety of colors and flavors, like the ‘White Walker’ seen above. I get that it’s white chocolate, but…walker?
Check out this video of someone getting this special delivery.
The reviews are in.
…and they say….well, that’s not really a review, Chitty Chitty! From this, we can glean that the company’s main purpose is inspiring Beavis and Butthead-esque chuckles.
You can send conflicting messages!
Nothing confuses your frenemy like a gift that says, simultaneously, “Eat a dick” and “Happy birthday”. The psychological warfare alone would be enough, but the chocolate member is truly the cherry on the sundae.
Listen to these merry pranksters!
These antics are straight out of r/madlads. I wonder how Ada’s friend responded to this. “Ada, you bought a chocolate penis. Why?” Awesome and hysterical indeed — and well played, Ada!
Darn, Valentine’s Day just passed.
Like the Happy Birthday package a few pics back, this Valentine’s number is perfect for the person who you want to express love to, but also want to tell them to eat a dick in no uncertain terms.
They’re small
The truth always comes out somewhere in the review section, so here it is: the chocolates are actually not that big. But if you’re into anatomically realistic veins, they’ve got that!
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This company is no one-trick penis pony.
They’ve also got… sigh …this…”Eat poop” box. Ha hahah ha. Let’s just get this unfortunate trend over with as quickly as possible. We’ve got chocolate buttholes, johnsons, and poo. Might as well bring on the rest.
Well, there you have it. Bizarre, yes. Hilarious? Also a yes.
What do you think? Would you ever get one as a gag gift?
Check out their website here !
