Fashion is a form of art. And like all art, its beauty is relative.
In other words, what might seem like a visual assault to one person’s eyeballs is actually the Mona Lisa incarnate to someone else’s.
But I’m still dialing 911 on all these people.
1. I’ve been staring at this photo for 12 minutes, and I still can’t wrap my head around how you would wear these.
I’m guessing that you either need four legs or two heads.
Regardless, they’re sweatpants, so they’re definitely more comfortable than jeans.
2. What, you think bank robbers don’t deserve to be warm, too?
Excuse me, but there’s nothing wrong with being a criminal and wanting to dress appropriately for the weather.
But still, I’m obviously calling the police twice on this man.
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3. These pants take all the guesswork out of choosing a belt.
Not to mention, these are the most secure pants I’ve ever seen.
Of course, using the washroom probably isn’t the most effortless task when you’re quadruple-buckled in these bad boys.
4. My entire life, people have been telling me that socks and sandals are unacceptable.
My question is: Does this count? It’s more like leggings and sandals if you want to get technical here.
We’ll never get people to stop with the socks and sandals combo, so we might as well accept this as a peace offering.
5. I can just hear this photo clinking and jingling.
You know, I get it. Sometimes bleached denim doesn’t say “I’m alternative” enough .
Wallet chains are really the only way to take it to the next level.
6. To be honest, I wish this was a photo of me.
Yes, I would call the police on myself. I don’t care. I want this jacket.
Who wouldn’t want to walk around with a duvet over them? I already do it at home all the time and I absolutely love it.
7. Dear FBI: I have a case for you.
Sometimes you have to take things higher than your local police.
The question is: Which letters are hidden underneath that green jacket? I’m guessing it actually says “Sturdy,” but admittedly, I didn’t think about it for too long.
8. Conspiracy theory: Clothing companies are recycling old denim and patching them together to make new clothes.
On an environmentally responsible level, I’m here for it.
On a fashionably responsible level, I’m pissed.
9. Business or casual: Pick a side!
I understand that some men want to look “cool” and “professional” at the same time. But that’s no excuse to wear Frankenstein’s second monster: these shoes.
10. Alright, well, I guess someone already called the police on this woman.
But Imma do it again anyway!!!
You can cover up that ankle monitor all you want, but your permanent record is forever.
11. Safety first, fashion second.
You know what? I respect this person for putting their own safety and visibility above all else.
Also, their color coordination is flawless, so I think I’ll just file a noise complaint on this one because that neon green is LOUD.
12. Yeah, no. I don’t like this.
Just because last night’s bachelor party was “a total rager” doesn’t mean you have to bring that experience to your everyday wear.
Blow-up dolls. I get it. Sooooo hilarious. Move on.
13. Seriously, though, why are even bothering with pants at this point?
I don’t want to sound like some 65-year-old grandpa complaining about baggy jeans…but officer, I would like to make a formal complaint about these baggy jeans.
14. Even Brock Lesnar’s pants are intimidating.
I grew up watching WWE, which means I would never make fun of anything about Brock Lesnar.
What, you think I want to get body-slammed?
15. You know, this really upsets me because WHY DOESN’T HIS ENTIRE FOOT FIT INSIDE THE BABY SLIPPER?
They say nothing’s softer than a baby, so I bet these slippies are super comfortable.
16. Ugh, I need these for mosquito season.
Those buggers always go straight for my ankles, you know what I mean?
Everyone else is going to jail, but these I’ll let slide for the sake of practicality.
