After decades in which people were expected to uncritically adopt the prevailing messages of the day about how they were supposed to look, we’ve seen a movement celebrating body positivity and body diversity take place in recent years.
But while its advocates would like nothing more than for others like them to feel comfortable in their own skin, it’s important to remember that those advocates aren’t immune to downturns in their own self-images either.
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Although we may know pop star Bebe Rexha to be a vocal advocate for body positivity, she also been very open about how bullying , exclusion , and harassment both within and outside of the entertainment industry have affected her.
And in a recent TikTok that saw Rexha in a vulnerable place, she’s shown that she’s just as honest about those times when the criticism is coming from within.
On December 27, Rexha uploaded a video to TikTok that she simply referred to as an “honest update” in her description.
And she began it by noting that because we’re in the midst of the holidays, we’re supposed to be merry.
But while part of her does feel that way, there’s something weighing on her mind that’s doing a lot to dampen any of her festivities.
As she put it, “I think I am the heaviest I’ve ever been.”
She came to this conclusion after weighing herself and she didn’t feel comfortable sharing that weight. This was both because it was embarrassing for her and because the number itself isn’t really the point.
In her words, “I just feel like disgusting, you know, in my own body.”
And while she told her fans that this is why she hasn’t been posting much on social media, her update wasn’t just an attempt to reassure her followers.
As we’ll see in the full video, it instead comes across as a venting session to articulate what’s darkening her days and why she’s feeling so displeased with herself.
In her words, “I think all the body positivity that stems from me is probably from a place of hurt and confusion.”
By that, she means that she’s now in a place where she doesn’t know how to help herself anymore.
And sadly, she added that this means she also doesn’t know how to love herself.
She cut the video after this revelation for apparent fear of rambling, but it shows what a long and and painful journey it can be to accept and love oneself and one’s body.
Much like when someone is trying to overcome an addiction, it’s a path fraught with relapses and dark chapters that we don’t often see.
