Our society is based on a concrete foundation of laws and regulations. Every person is entitled to their day in court and all are presumed innocent until proven guilty.
There are, however, those who tend to milk that presumption for all it’s worth. Have a look at these 15 dumb things people tried to justify , according to lawyers and judges.
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This argument just doesn’t hold water.
“This court uses a flag with gold fringe. Gold fringe means this court is international. An international court needs to enforce maritime law. Under maritime law, I am a vessel. The woman declared herself to be a boat.” – Reddit u/Yog_Kothag
That parked car was asking for it.
” I work for car insurance. Someone hit a parked car and tried to tell me it wasn’t their fault….. The car is parked sir, it was a bright day and in a parking lot. “Well yeah, but it was in my way.” – Reddit u/steevo3
How dare you call me ugly!
I certainly don’t endorse calling anybody ugly, but to take someone to court over such a thing seems like a bit of an overreaction.
Yet that’s precisely what happened to this Redditor’s grandfather back when he was still practicing law.
If you can’t read the sign, you can’t do the crime.
A public defender once had to defend a man accused of trespassing. She argued that the arresting officer shouldn’t have presumed that the man was literate and could therefore read the “NO TRESPASSING” sign.
You’re recollection of events seems somewhat suspect…
“On two seperate[sic] occasions I have dealt with people involved in an assault who, having thrown the first punch, said that they ‘hit him back first’. – Reddit u/Slimpikin
They must have known as soon as it came out of their mouth that they were sunk.
I put a spell on you…
Redditor smd451once came into contact with a woman accused of driving with a suspended license. She tried to assert that witchcraft made her do it, and said she didn’t need a lawyer because God was defending her.
When the writing is on the wall.
“Dude was caught manufacturing & selling drugs out of a property on “Shirley Street.” He was obviously trying to prove that he did not own the property, however had SHIRLEY tattoo’d on one forearm and STREET on the other.” – Reddit u/rottenbanana127
Sometimes pride gets in the way…
After an armed robbery attempt gone bad, the owner of the house was asked in court whether or not he felt that his life was in danger. To which he replied, “Nah, I knew I could take him.”
When you’re too drunk to be able to comprehend how much money you’re spending.
“Trying to get out of paying his bill at a restaurant because he ordered a single beer, which altered his mental capacity thereby negating his capacity to enter into a binding contract when presented with his credit card receipt for signature.” – Reddit u/MizElaneous
Stop the press!
Redditor KenPopehat was contacted by a woman wanting to sue The Los Angeles Times for an article they ran over 22 years ago. It didn’t mention her by name, nor did it have her picture displayed anywhere, yet she was convinced it was damaging her reputation.
A man who represents himself has an idiot for a client.
“One of the guys, acting as his own defence[sic] attorney, called the other guy to the stand and asked him, “when we robbed that gas station, was I there?” – Reddit u/PrimaryLupine
Earlier than the early birds.
A man decided to sue a restaurant for charging him $7 for a sandwich instead of $5, which was the price of the “Early Bird Special.” However, he ordered the sandwich at noon and early bird prices didn’t begin until 4 PM.
When your haircut game comes above all else.
“I had a guy call me to tell me he wasn’t going to be in court because he was getting his hair cut. I asked him if he was serious – he said yes. I told him he was going to have an order for his arrest out if he didn’t appear. He hung up.” – Reddit u/ThePlayfulPython
From bad to worse.
After failing a drug test and testing positive for cocaine, the accused was brought before the judge. He tried to argue that he hadn’t been using, but rather just turning pure cocaine into crack — hence why it was in his system.
Who knew that dreams could be leveraged as IP?!
“I do patent law,” explains Reddit user blueboybob. “I once had a guy try to pay our firm to fight a large company because “I had a dream I actually invented that.”
h/t: Reddit
