When it comes to hosting/being a guest at a dinner party , there are several written and unwritten rules of etiquette. Some of them are painfully obvious, while others remain more ambiguous.
For instance, should you be expecting to cover your costs when you’ve been invited over to a friend or family member’s house for dinner? The answer, as Twitter user @AmberSmelson came to learn, may surprise you.
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Food is both a powerful and evocative force.
The late great chef Anthony Bourdain used to say that “You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together .” Sometimes it’s for the better, and other times — not so much.
Recently, Twitter user @AmberSmelson was invited over to a friend’s house for dinner and she got more than she bargained for.
Before the night began, Amber was looking forward to a night filled with lively conversation, having plenty to drink, and enjoying tasty food in the company of kith and kin.
What she received, however, was a bill for services rendered.
Amber quickly learned that there’s no such thing as a “free lunch.” “Got invited to someone’s place for dinner and they charged me for it,” she tweeted out. “This is weird, right ?”
Although the answer might seem readily apparent to some, the replies to Amber’s tweet were anything but conclusive.
Some people, including Oscar-winning actress Patricia Arquette, seemed to think that asking dinner guests to pay for their plates was not only presumptuous but also rude.
“I have never heard of someone doing this,” Patricia replied in a tweet of her own.
“Did they cook?” she continued on. “Did they bring in a chef? Was it some kind of special cannabis dinner or specialty event? Seems very strange .”
Others, however, thought the total opposite — stating that it would be rude for a guest not to pay.
Twitter user @moonlightlark made the point of asking whether or not Amber’s host was American, and pointed out that in Europe — it’s quite common for the guests and host to divide the cost.
As it turns out, there really is no right or wrong answer.
Depending on your culture, geographic location, personal preference, and a litany of other factors, it is considered both appropriate and inappropriate to ask guests to pay for their food.
There is, however, a certain etiquette that all hosts must abide by if they expect their dinner guests to cover their own costs.
First and foremost, you have to communicate with your guests ahead of time. Asking for your friends and family members’ Venmo numbers after the fact will always come off as tacky.
If your host has not communicated the expectation for you to contribute financially, it’s OK to presume that it isn’t necessary.
However, that isn’t to say that you should ever show up to anyone’s house empty-handed — regardless of whether or not you’ve been asked to chip in.
A polite and courteous dinner guest will always arrive with a small gift for their host.
Oftentimes, a nice bottle of wine (or two) will more than suffice. You could even go ahead and bring something for dessert, so long as the host hasn’t prepared anything ahead of time.
As a guest, you should always at least offer to clear the table and do the dishes as well.
Everybody knows that the worst aspect of hosting is having to clean up. If you’ve just been treated to a delicious free meal, then show your appreciation by allowing your host the courtesy to sit and relax.
