Life’s no fun without taking a risk or two, but the nature of risks means you don’t always walk out with rewards. Not to mention some risks are far… riskier than others.
The people on this list don’t seem to care, though. They’re taking risks left, right, and center. It’s a high-octane lifestyle that looks, and is, dangerous , meaning they sometimes come back worse for wear.
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“My Wife helped me sunscreen my back at beach day today (TWICE)!!”
This seems like a long-con murder plot. Poorly applied sunscreen today could mean cancer tomorrow.
“House is on fire but it’s none of his business.”
I aspire to be as chill as this guy. Huge life-altering disaster? No biggie, already over it.
“And y’all were worried about masks in the airport…”
Is it okay to be worried about both? I’m now very worried about both, though I didn’t think goose occupation would ever be something I’d have to worry about.
“I’m glad I had my feet firmly on the ground while this happened otherwise…”
Time to never trust another stool as long as I shall live. That’s not a type of pain I’m looking to experience.
“Black cab ran me over, dragged my left for a few feet, backed away and drove off.”
At least all you have to show for it is a torn-up shoe, right?
“At the water plant […].”
Trusting other people to read anything at all is a tall order. At least it’s their own fault if they don’t.
“So I had a sneezing fit while driving yesterday and…”
Note to self, if I start sneezing while driving, pull over.
“My bedroom was impaled by a tree. Thankfully it missed me by a foot or two. It was struck by lightning.”
That sucks for you and your house, but imagine how the tree feels! It was the one struck by lightning!
“A spider decided that i should be the next spiderman and jumped to my face. Fell hands first to marble flooring from 14ft.”
That spider is an agent of chaos. It wants nothing but to cause destruction and misfortune, as much of it as possible.
“How come the truck pass but my bike don’t?”
Well, a truck has an engine behind it, your bike has a you. Some more leg work and you’ll be able to rip right through that stuff.
“The Ssssssecurity ssssytem, striking at crime, one lock at a time!”
If I were a budding house burglar, I think a massive snake wrapped around a door handle would scare me off better than a camera.
“Found on the car behind mine.”
You know they were real desperate to let them know because they wrote it on an envelope. Kudos for watching out.
“Don’t know how but I turned this cables’ LED on.”
These cable LEDs really aren’t all they’re advertised to be. Not bright, they get way too hot, and they short out other things in the house!
“I thought I was having a bad day, until I drove by this.”
This is a great outlook to cling to during your bad days. It could always be worse!
“My car this morning […].”
For them to leave the method of destruction behind feels like adding insult to injury. Also, how did that scooter even get there?
“It ain’t going anywhere.”
You can say that all you want, I’m still going to crawl out now just in case you’re lying to me and yourself.
“[I’ve] seen ladders on lifts before but this is a whole other level for me.”
This is too precarious to feel thrilling, now it’s just frightening and slightly nauseating.
“A whole ass wrench in my tire.”
Did someone hammer it into your tire as some sort of revenge? Because there’s no way you just ran over that.
“WALKED into the chiro for minor back pain, left in a wheelchair straight to the ER with paralyzing sciatic nerve pain.”
Nerve pain? That chiro is going to recommend you come right back, he’s sure he can fix it.
“Trying to catch a cactus that your cat knocked over..”
Such tiny little pins, such an immense amount of pain, doubled when you remember you have to take them out.
“Tornado-driven murder-branch impales my house directly above my kid’s bed.”
This shot is almost cinematic, which really solidifies its real-world scariness.
“Worked with concrete without gloves … didn’t know it’s corrosive.”
I also didn’t know concrete was corrosive, and I have a feeling this information will save me in the future, so at least your injury helped someone else!
“My towns only Burger King burned down yesterday, taking flame grilled burgers to the next level.”
Well now how am I supposed to be able to make a fun little joke when the uploader already made the best one in the title?
“Well, last year I came to you in June with two broken arms. Yesterday I broke my elbow.”
And next year, for the entire month of June, you’ll wrap yourself up in a suit of bubble wrap and not leave your bed even once.
“There was an earwig in my earbud. Discovered when it began tickling my ear.”
Cool, a new fear’s been unlocked! I will never use earbuds again!
“A plane crashed into my friend backyard (no injuries!).”
People talk about the odds of being struck by lightning to mean really slim chances, but this has to be even less likely than that, right?
“Our LT forgot to disengage the brakes for the water buffalo. Drove at least 10 miles with them engaged, not realizing the tire was on fire and the rim was being decimated.”
I’m somehow impressed that someone managed to drive over 10 miles without realizing they were on fire. On fire! How do you not know?!
“Found this guy on my brake pedal. Gotta love Arizona! (Shoe for scale).”
At least he’s on the brake pedal, something that can withstand being stomped on if need be.
Time And Place.
Forget the fact that it’s under a urinal, food on a stadium floor alone probably collects enough bacteria to start its own microbial zoo.
“How to give yourself a vasectomy.”
Effectiveness not guaranteed, but pain sure is.
