Having a baby is an intimate and personal experience for any new mother. While many moms have a partner by their side to experience the joy of birth, other family members also sometimes stay in the delivery room.
We know that giving birth is a completely unique experience for each woman.
While it is beautiful and life-changing, there is so much going on for the mom who is experiencing an intense physical and emotional journey.
The truth is that you never know what’s going to happen in the delivery room.
Some moms have a short labor with no complications, and others do not. Whatever happens, it is a vulnerable time for the mom who is likely experiencing pain, throwing up, and having doctors and nurses constantly checking her cervix.
While many women choose to only have their partner with them, others want their parents and in-laws.
However, there are some who opt to have everyone wait outside until the, uh, messy part is done.
In fact, it’s becoming more common for many new parents to say no to visitors for weeks after the baby is born.
This new trend is called “cocooning” and gives families time to settle in before the baby meets the rest of the extended family.
Recently, one mom wrote in to the popular site Quora for advice on what to do in her own marriage with her husband.
She wrote:
“I’m pregnant and my husband is forcing me to let his parents in the delivery room, but I don’t want that. What should I do?”
Obviously, this wife does not want her in-laws in the room.
It’s pretty uncomfortable to have your in-laws see the most intimate parts of you.
Additionally, if she told her husband no, he should listen.
It’s not as if he’s the one giving birth and having himself exposed for everyone to view.
It seems to be a pretty clear answer.
If the mom says no, the answer is no.
Many people online thought that the mom should stand up for herself against her husband.
One person wrote:
“I would tell my husband that is fine. His in laws will observe his vasectomy … Just to make sure thing go okay. No — not joking.
I actually told my husband a variant on that about video cameras allowed in the delivery room for our first child.
It’s your choice. You are completely exposed. They will see it all. People I want are there as well as medical professionals. That is all.
Birth is a personal experience not a spectator sport.”
Another said that this momma should grow some balls.
“After I gave birth to my premature twins, who were in intensive care, I asked a nurse for advice on convincing my loving-but-overbearing extended family members to obey the NICU’s strict hygienic requirements. They just absolutely refused to follow the NICU protocols, saying “we’re the babies’ grandpas/nanas/aunt millies, we don’t have germs.” I’ll never forget what the nurse said:
‘You’re a mama now. Congratulations. Now grow a pair of balls.’
You don’t have to say, ‘I love your parents dearly but let me convince you why it’s a bad idea to have them in the delivery room . . .’ That turns things into an argument to be litigated and either you or your husband could ‘win.’”
One user said that this woman’s husband did not get equal say in this decision.
“Let’s get this straight first – you and your husband each contributed 50% to creating this child. But that’s where the 50% contributions ended. YOU have been pregnant for nine months; YOU were the one who vomited day after day; YOU are the one who got huge and clumsy and uncomfortable, unable to sleep in any position at all; YOU are the one who will have to labor and deliver. Thus ends your husband’s right to claim 50% of the decision making surrounding the birth.”
One person even said to question her entire marriage.
“If he doesn’t listen, divorce him because he probably doesn’t care about you anyways.”
Another agreed with this.
“Defend your boundaries or leave now. Because I’m sorry to say that if he won’t respect your boundaries now, as time goes by, it’s only going to get worse.”
This user pointed out that at the end of the day, legally, mom gets the final say.
“With that said, your husband cannot force you to let his parents into the delivery room. Your husband cannot even be in the delivery room without your permission. In the delivery room, you are in complete control. You have all the legal rights. Your medical team will do what is best for you and they do not care about the feelings of anybody else.”
Having unwanted guests in the delivery room could actually create a dangerous situation.
“My mom arrived at the hospital unannounced and barged into my room. When my husband took her to the waiting area to discuss my labor stage, my nurse became concerned and said ‘Your blood pressure just shot up alarmingly high. What’s going on?’ I explained that my mom had crashed the party,” one user said in their response.
This response pretty much sums up what labor is actually like and begs the question, “Why would they want to see this in the first place?”
“Your husband wants his mother and father to see you naked, sweaty, bloody, extremely hormonal and rude, and quite possibly pooping yourself right there on the table?!?! Labor is not pretty. It’s a lot of hard nasty work, which I suppose is why it’s called labor. Tell him to get real.”
Clearly, everyone online is on the mom’s side.
It’s her body and it’s her choice, not her husband’s.
Birth is personal — not a concert.
No matter what your partner says, if you’re uncomfortable — speak up.
When it comes to a woman’s labor and delivery, everyone should respect her boundaries and wishes.
It’s already a stressful time and the last thing she needs is some family drama to top it off.
