Nothing you do in life will be harder than parenting. You’re solely responsible for the health and well-being of a tiny, fragile, irreplaceable human being, and there are no save points or do-overs. It’s as serious as it gets.
Of course, there are times of resplendent joy, and it doesn’t come without unique love, but it’s trying, so very trying. So it’s understandable for parents to hit low points along the way, especially single parents.
Luckily, the world can often help lift them up.
A single dad at a low point in his life decided to post about it on Reddit, and it just might have done him some good.
But getting to that point sure wasn’t easy, and required a collective wake-up call.
In his post , user sonadoptionta123 asked if he’d be in the wrong to put his two-year-old son up for adoption.
As he explained, he had gotten his college girlfriend pregnant, and she wanted nothing to do with a child at that point in her life.
“She wanted to have an abortion but as a christian I felt that this was against my beliefs (btw I’m not pro-life, I feel like the option to abort should be there for people that don’t believe what I do but this is what I thought was right for my child),” he wrote.
He thought that with good job prospects he’d be able to provide for the kid, so they agreed they’d go through with the pregnancy.
After having the baby, she went back to live in her home state, and he took the child. But, two years later, he was feeling some regrets.
“I just feel so tired and secluded from the world. My only friend is my son, between work and him I have no free time,” he wrote. “All I do on my free time is go to the park with him, watch kids shows etc.”
He listed off a few more factors, like being unable to advance at work and feeling like he can’t date because “who wants a 23 year old guy with a kid.”
“I want to be a great dad that loves his kid but I don’t think I can be that, I’ve tried for two years. You always hear about this undying love you’ll have for your kid but I just never had that.”
He figured that his son might be better off in a non-foster home with a stable family and was worried that his own troubles would affect his son’s childhood.
“I just feel unfulfilled and alone and it has started to take it’s form in a little bit of animosity against my son and I never want that to happen.”
Well, folks, Reddit unloaded on him and let him know that yes, indeed, he was in the wrong.
“Not that I’m unsympathetic, cause dude, I get. Single parenting is hard and uniquely relentless,” wrote one user. “But your son isn’t a pet. He’s not a dog you can just rehome when you find out the breed is incompatible with your lifestyle. He’s your son, and I’m sorry none of the other parents in your life told you this, but the moment your son entered this world your needs and wants plummeted to a far second to his.”
Others suggested that he might be suffering from some mental health problems.
“I think you might have depression or maybe some other kind of mental illness, and you should speak to a doctor or a therapist about it and get some help,” wrote AJ-in-Canada. “Move home to be closer to your family, do something. This is a little person you’re talking about. One that adores you.”
User silverandsilver gave words of encouragement to the distraught father, pointing out that the hardest part is over.
“I have a 20 month old so I know how hard and important alone time is. I can totally relate. I feel like you’ve already made it through the hardest part (infancy) and it’s going to get so much easier! Only a couple more years and your son will be in school!” they wrote
In fact, quite a few suggestions came out to help this guy through his rough patch.
“Join dad/parent/single parent Facebook groups in your area, and get together with those people,” wrote anonnymoose81. “Look into local hospital-affiliated parenting classes that are often free. And signal to any relatives that you have that you are drowning. Be loud and honest about your need for a help and some social interaction.”
User staying_incognito87 shared a story from a different perspective.
“My bio dad terminated his parental rights when I was 2. I don’t have ANY recollection of him, not even what he looks like.”
They continued , “this would be much worse if the kid was old enough to remember you, but if you’re so selfish and self absorbed (like my dad was) that you cannot be a parent, then please give this child a life and a family he deserves.
“I thank god my dad wasn’t in my life, because my dad (adopted me when I was 5 and married my mom) is my REAL father.”
“He showed me what a father is and I am so grateful for him.”
Redditor yosemite-persephone gave it to sonadoptionta123 straight.
“It’s way harder to get adopted if you’re not an infant” yosemite-persephone wrote .
“The kid will have memories of the dad. Go get therapy to deal with your feelings and raise the damn kid you insisted on having.”
And after reading over the replies and giving it all some thought, it sounds like folks helped out sonadoptionta123.
“I got a lot of comments that really hit it on the nail with how bad it would be to follow through with this as well as giving me really sound advice,” he wrote.
He’s going to see a therapist and sort out the issues preventing him from living life as a dad to the fullest!
“I am going to see a therapist because yea something’s wrong with my head and I need to figure it out. I will also try to join single parent groups like a couple of you suggested which I really think will help.”
“Thank you to everyone that took their time out to give me a thoughtful answer and to the people that reached out to me in private, I am really grateful.”
What an inspiring turn of events!
