Nowadays, a lot of us are pretty cool with just letting people be. We’re starting to acknowledge that we’re all into something kind of weird and that we shouldn’t give people trouble as long as they’re not hurting anybody.
But some things just seem to cross that line for us. Not only are we convinced they’re doing harm, but that they must be stopped for the good of humanity.
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Beware of these menaces.
1. This isn’t inherently a bad idea, but everyone’s horrified reactions are telling me he picked a really bad time.
If the response to “Ooh yeah, the ‘gram’s gonna love this” is “Larry, please. You’re making this really uncomfortable,” just put the phone down.
2. I’m sorry, but it just seems like this person is leading us on a path to ruin.
They better not say something like “it works, trust me” because I already don’t, and I think it’s an uphill battle to get anyone else to trust them.
3. Ah, it’s always so satisfying when someone’s scummy actions have immediate consequences.
Let that be a lesson to try something more original next time. Otherwise, they might be original by accident and that’s no fun when you’re stuck explaining a mysterious nipple tattoo.
4. I’ll grant that this person didn’t say “roast me,” but this seems a lot like sitting in the front row at a comedy show.
If you give somebody free reign to tell a joke, that’s rolling the dice. Maybe ask for a joke about pizza?
5. Yikes! I don’t know when this person needed to stop, but I do know that time has long passed.
I didn’t know that hot dogs had a “molten stage,” but it’s a good thing they got it off the grill before it started splitting atoms.
6. Sometimes, the cost of being a totally radical dude just isn’t worth it.
When you’ve got two perfectly good ways to keep the sun out of your eyes and you don’t use either of them, the cool points are already out the window.
7. Yeah, it’s a sign of a really crappy day when your solution to a problem was worse than doing nothing.
I’m not sure how effective a pen saying “don’t cheat, ya goofball” would be, but good luck writing test answers with it.
8. Look, scientists. I’m not angry. I get it, dinosaur chickens are something I wish existed, too.
I just want y’all to promise me that you won’t try to start a theme park full of them. Try to remember the sage wisdom of Jeff Goldblum.
9. Considering that so many folks on this list are refusing to accept that they should just not, this person gives me a little bit of hope.
The one who realizes they shouldn’t do the thing and then doesn’t do it is the wise one.
10. I’ll admit that I don’t know what happened here, but there’s no context where kissing a toilet bowl is a good idea.
Even if the toilet said it would turn into a magical prince, don’t listen to it. It’s literally full of crap.
11. Apparently, this woman is a flat-earther and is trying to use this telescope to prove her point.
Somehow, I don’t think she’s any closer to convincing us that someone stepped on the world. The evidence is as shaky as her view through that thing.
12. I never thought that this would make me a buzzkill, but I have to say it. Y’all better not actually be eating these things.
Like, did people see the commercials about baby-proofing them and think, “But what if I want to eat them?”
13. Whether or not this was intended as some bizarre humiliation experiment, it needs to be destroyed immediately.
And once we do that, we should erase all records of it ever happening in the faint hope that nobody ever has this idea again.
14. This is one of those cases where I’m not entirely sure that it happened by accident.
But even if it was, the regrettable thing here was not making the rest of the E’s backwards so people don’t keep pointing out your “mistake.”
15. I don’t condone vague and worrying threats about “having” someone’s fingers, but it’s hard to sink lower than stealing from someone in an ambulance.
To whoever did this, at least try to be smart. They want their phone, you want your fingers. Give it back.
16. Well, well, well, it looks like somebody’s scared of a little wokeness.
I just hope they don’t come crying to us when the CIA posts a video of them picking their nose on YouTube.
Hey, you don’t know that it won’t happen.
17. Folks, you may end up doing some regrettable things in life, but at least you never made anybody pay $225 for useless earbuds.
I’ll bet they’re the type to say “on a big pile of money” when I ask how they sleep at night. Disgraceful.
18. I’ll happily respect whatever look she wants to serve, but she needs to respect the rules of the house.
No matter how she has a good time or how she’s dressed as she does it, that milk better not go sour.
Get it together.
19. There are some truly thoughtless people out there with no regard to the impact their words can have.
I still have those dreams where I’m stuck in an exam I didn’t study for, so I definitely believe our youth deserve better than canceled pizza nightmares.
20. Come on, friends do not let friends look this unprepared for a photo.
My fellow guys need to take a page from the ladies’ book and delete the ones where your squad doesn’t look good.
I was gonna say “cute,” but that might not be convincing.
21. How do you tell someone what they need to not do when they keep finding new ways to cause chaos?
I don’t know how many of y’all think that’s a relatable question, but I do know that pretty much everyone with kids does. “Sock in French onion dip” pretty much sums up what life with kids looks like.
22. Hmm, I think I’ve found an even harder question. How do you tell an algorithm that you’re not trying to hear it judge you?
Maybe I should just start clicking “not interested” on random recommendations and say “you know why” when they ask.
23. You know, I really wish that Post Malone would retweet this and let the thief know just how unimpressed he is.
That probably wouldn’t inspire them to tearfully confess, but I’m hoping they’d at least realize how much they suck for a moment.
24. Ooh, I don’t think Walmart is quite as dumb as this person seems to believe.
That’s kind of an ironic thing to say for someone who’s about to run off with bundles of their own money.
Oh well, as long as they’re happy.
