You guys. I. Am. Shooooooook.
These pictures have me straight-up shaken up and def not stirred. I seriously have so many questions, and I don’t even know where to begin finding answers.
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Here they are: the images that have shaken up my brain like a maraca, and I can’t seem to shake them back.
1. I can’t come to terms with the fact that this guy is alive.
Not that I want him dead or anything, but who sleeps like that? Also, is sleeping on a cow really the smartest decision? I’m pretty sure that if the cow got up, he wouldn’t be too happy.
2. Is it a can? Is it a bottle? Is it a cottle?
No, it isn’t. It is none of these things. It’s some bastardization of the drink containers we’ve grown to know and love, and quite frankly, I’ve had enough.
3. Rocky Lobster VII: Lobster’s Revenge
I’ve never actually seen Rocky , and I stole that reference from an episode of The Simpsons . Shout-out to Bart though, I now know how to count to five in roman numerals.
4. 7-Eleven knew what they were getting into with the “bring your own container” promotion.
My concern is for this dude’s lack of awareness when it comes to blending flavors. You don’t just mix that up all haphazardly — come on, man.
5. This guy found a frozen mouse in his coffee.
The good news is that the coffee was frozen as well, so he didn’t actually drink it. Well, I assume he didn’t, anyway. Unless he’s into this kinda thing, then…score?
6. Seems like a lot of effort to make someone uncomfortable in your home.
Gotta acquire a jar, and laminate a photo… You can achieve the same effect by crying uncontrollably, refusing to put on pants, and eating tuna straight from the can while you beg your visitor to help you find a man.
7. When you got a guy on the inside.
Everybody knows that asking for extra toppings at a fast food restaurant is a joke, but when you have a friend who works there, it’s a completely different story. This is my jam.
8. This tattoo is like a gang sign…
…for a gang that likes a bomb cookout and anecdotes about woodworking. Don’t forget the 100% chance that you will be assigned a street name like “sport” or “little buddy.”
9. I can get behind this look.
I support anything that doesn’t require that I make things look even. Every morning is a gamble. You nailed eyebrows? You think you’re skilled? PSYCH — in come the crooked eyeliner wings. The struggle is real.
10. We all know that Top Ramen is next level.
Don’t you think that this is a bit out of hand, though? I mean, at least wear the pants OR the sweater… I think the outfit as a whole is a bit redundant.
11. Trends gotta start somewhere.
This one looks like it’s gonna start about four inches above a pair of unfashionable running shoes by someone who has no business trying to start trends in the first place. I don’t think we have to worry about this catching on.
12. Who’s got two thumbs and one of them doesn’t bend?
This girl! (I guess that joke doesn’t have the same effect when you’re not doing the hand gestures, but I stand by it.)
13. I can’t get behind this madness. What is wrong with the internet?
Every single time I go online, I find something even more shocking to be shook by. The internet cannot be trusted, people.
14. If you want to get some ink that definitely makes a statement, then look no further.
This says, “I’m definitely creepy and I’ll probably light your house on fire.” Awesome!
15. If this doesn’t make you want to throw your whole mouth out, then you’ve got the highest pain tolerance ever.
Only actual psychopaths eat their ice cream this way. And no, I’m not being dramatic.
16. If you thought using a cane was lame, then think again.
This guy figured out how to make the cane cool again. Who knew that all it needed was a tiny show and a bit of jean?
17. This is the most depressing, yet delicious transformation I have ever seen during my 27 years on this planet.
I wish I could say that this didn’t make me crave a nugget, but I can’t lie to you good people.
18. I mean, they’re not wrong though.
They may have gotten your name wrong, but they’ve got life all figured out, so why don’t you sit down and take a damn chill pill?
19. If your phone does look this mangled after a long night out on the town, do you even have any fun, man?
My guess is a hard no, sorry bro.
20. Makeup is cool and all, but this type of crap makes me want to scream for help.
I get that it takes talent, but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying! Like, why though?
21. If this guy is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
This dude is living his best life and, honestly, I’m jelly that we’re not in neighboring seats, getting equally blackout and irritating the flight attendant. He knows WTF is up.
22. I AM SHOOK.
As if Guy FERRY didn’t do enough to piss me off on the regular, he’s gotta go and pull this move. I guess you didn’t want to buy button downs with little BOATS ON THEM, DID YOU, GUY?! So rattled, omg.
23. Apparently this is a top for a pie crust.
Well, I don’t like it. It grosses me out, it reminds me of a million pimples waiting to be popped, and the thought of pie filling oozing out of those holes makes me want to barf.
24. Kangaroo Jacked.
Apparently, this thing is 7 feet tall and kept as a pet, and is fed by hand. I wouldn’t be getting anywhere near this thing, because I actually value my life or whatever.
