Marriage can be a difficult journey, but it is one that is well worth working at. It’s important to find someone who you can joke with and maybe poke fun at every now and then!
And, with this idea in mind, here are 17+ people who left the honeymoon phase a long time ago.
“One of my friends gave her husband a cake to let him know they’re expecting.”
I absolutely love this, but I feel that we should address the fact that this is a cookie and not a cake. Otherwise people will go bananas!
“My wife cries at absolutely anything. I mean, ANYTHING. So I started writing the reasons down because reasons.”
I particularly love the one about him waiting until dark and pretending to be the Babadook. I resonate with that one!
“Husband dieting…”
“Dave, where are you going?”
“Just out to the garage to do some exercise!”
“Then why do you have a knife and fork and a bottle of ketchup?”
“My wife left me instructions for dinner. She thinks she married a moron.”
In fairness, I’d take my partner thinking that I was a moron if it meant that they were making me gourmet sandwiches like this!
“Picking a fight with my wife.”
I know that I should be focusing on the brownie atrocity being committed here, but I can’t help but think how much I want one of those Little Mermaid plates.
“Target Husband…”
Each year, thousands of husbands across America go hungry while waiting for their spouses to finish shopping at Target. Any donation you can make to this cause would be welcome!
“My wife said when I pass she would go the extra mile to give me the burial I deserve…”
Christ, a landfill is a bloody luxury. When I’m dead my family can pop me in the trash or recycling bin for all I care.
“My wife leaves her hair on the shower wall so I decided to leave her a message the next time she takes one.”
I think the real nasty ass in this situation is the person who writes messages in the damn hair! Don’t touch shower hair, my guy!
“Woke up to my coffee jar like this after a petty argument with my partner.”
That is one hell of a way to get back at your partner. Although, who on Earth keeps their coffee in a mason jar like this?! Who are you, the queen?
“How I get my partner to remember to wear sunscreen at work.”
Sometimes you have to do whatever you must to keep your loved ones safe, even if that means quoting notorious movie serial killers!
“Pizza: The best relationship partner.”
I mean, pizza will always finds its own ways to betray you, such as by being too hot and sticking molten cheese to the roof of your mouth!
The Riskiest Joke Of All…
I hope that the guy who made this joke had his exit strategy planned out for after he made this joke. If I did this I would want to be able to leap out of a window immediately after!
“My friend convinced her husband to go to Wine and Palette with her…”
Now that is some artwork that I would happily hang on the wall! Who wants a painting of a dark night when they can have one of the Dark Knight?
“My 39-week pregnant wife went to the store to ‘get stuff for dinner.’ This is what she came home with.”
I actually think that this seems like a great idea! Although, when the stomach ache kicks in after the fourth bowl it might be apparent that this was a mistake!
“I think my husband’s going to realize I borrowed one of his extension cords.”
Judging from how neatly those other two are tied up, I’ll be floored if he doesn’t get a nosebleed as soon as he sees this!
“My southern husband objects to the soda I bought.”
In fairness, regardless of where you are from, no one should drink Pepsi. It tastes like Coke that hates you!
The Joys Of Marriage!
Someone should probably tell the guy who owns this car that marriage is supposed to be a happy union, not a punishment!
“My husband, everyone.”
I mean, no one who buys Neapolitan ice cream actually eats the strawberry one though, do they?
“My new date shirt. Wife wasn’t impressed.”
I will say, this is a high-end prank. The quality of the shirt and the design are top-notch, too. Bravo.
“My wife wasn’t sure what to spend our 1900 Dave and Busters tickets on. I made an executive decision.”
And what a decision it was. The correct one, of course — the correct and most fabulous one of all.
“My husband said ‘stay still, I’m gonna try to draw you’ then he showed me this. I laughed so hard I almost threw up. Look at the FEET.”
Wow. He did an amazing job of capturing your beauty. Your long, straw-like hair, your car-shaped head, and of course, your short, meaty feet.
“My husband is an asshole.”
How so? He just wanted you to have a buddy while showering!
“My wife didn’t want to take maternity pictures, so I hired a photographer and took her place.”
I imagine this came about because the family was asking for maternity photos and he didn’t want to let them down. He’ll be delivering on their wishes one way or another.
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“My wife doesn’t want our newborn son’s face posted on social media, so she asked me to censor over it. Needless to say, I won’t be asked to do that again.”
Instead of editing the photos afterwards, you should just make him wear sunglasses all the time. He’ll look cool and he’ll be covered up.
“Was wondering why my wife was giggling when she asked me to change the air filters.”
Not sure what would be scarier, going to change air filters and finding bugs or some other pest, or going to change the air filters and finding Bruce Willis.
“Told the wife I was going to get my ear pierced. She said absolutely not. Ordered a set of magnetic ones. She will flip when she gets home.”
I hope this helps her realize that you look great with earrings, actually, and she lets you get them. The diamond studs are a good look!
“My husband’s going to love his [Valentine’s] Day surprise.”
This is assuming he actually opens the case instead of tossing it aside with a sigh of defeat the second he reads that note.
“The Valentine’s Day card I bought for my husband.”
Nothing “says true” love like “brutal honesty about how we met”!
“The blanket that my husband got me for Christmas. It’s his face.”
He thought that, surely, since you love him so much you’d like to see his face even more. What a flattering picture he chose, too!
“I let my husband decorate the bathroom.”
This actually isn’t too egregious. At least it kind of matches color-wise and can be looked over if not paid attention to.
“My husband got a label maker last night. This is the adorable note he left me in the shower.”
It’s always sweet to see couples supporting and wishing the best for one another.
“Asked my husband to (hand) whip some heavy cream. Hear strange noises and walk in on this.”
This is a “work smart not hard” moment. Or it would be if I was certain that this was smart. I’m not.
“My girlfriend says that I own too many video games. I sent her this.”
Legend has it that this bottle of Dusch Das can also clean cars, windows, and can even be used as airplane fuel!
“[Going] away for the weekend and I asked my husband to pack a bag for our daughter.”
He did a great job packing it! She looks super secure and cozy in there!
“Asked my husband to do laundry…”
The little sad face really speaks to me as that is what my face looks like whenever I foolishly attempt to try and fold a fitted sheet.
