It’s bad enough putting yourself out there in the dating world, let alone doing it online using an app the literally allows people to make snap judgments about your mug. They promptly swipe you out of the way like an annoying fly, or they try to slide into your DMs like a slippery snake. Of course, it almost never goes according to plan.
1. Oops! He done goofed!
You can’t really blame the guy. He just wanted to make sure the odds were in his favor, right? The trick is to be a bit more sneaky about it.
2. Well, you asked!
This answer is the realest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s also most likely what I’m wearing at any given moment, including when I’m at work.
3. Be proud, but not overly honest.
Whether she ran at the actual visual, or the insane amount of apparent low self-esteem, maybe it is best not to immediately compare yourself to a goblin.
4. To my mother-in-law, if you’re reading this — this would have been you.
This mom just thinks she’s looking out for her son’s best interests, but in the end she’s keeping him single AF.
5. Oh, puh-lease!
Confidence is one thing, but this is a joke! If anyone ever approached me with a line like this, I think I’d throw up a little bit in my mouth.
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6. I think I know how this story ends.
You know what? Stop trying so hard, guys. Why not go with a standard, “Hello?” Why does every opening line have to sound like this?
7. Her forced pun is glorious.
Although, truth be told, his opener probably would have worked on me and I likely would not have known it’s an old joke. Also, charge your battery.
8. If you don’t have humor going for you, we’re done here.
Again, a standard greeting would suffice. It’s almost like guys do this crap on a dare, because who speaks like this?
9. At least she’s being honest.
And ugh, these types of sext messages always gross me out. There is some cheesy quality to them that gives me the shivers. Yucky stuff.
10. You want facts? I’ll give you facts.
Although technically these facts could make you cold, as global warming can lead to an ice age… but that’s none of my business. Ahem.
11. Well, he tried. And tried again.
I really hope she gave him a chance. I also hope that he actually turned out to be a pirate and that they’re now living happily aboard his ship.
12. Talk about giving him the biz.
First, this entire list has been about men failing, not women. Second, wouldn’t your children cross your mind when thinking of a new life partner?
13. Welp. It wasn’t meant to be.
Wow, the dating world is tough for men. And this makes me happy. Something has to be tough for men, am I right, ladies? Am I?
14. She (it) almost got him!
Just when he thought he had hit the jackpot, this happens. But bro, no worries, one of those 11 unread messaged might just be the gal of your dreams!
15. I love that she took a full seven minutes out of her day to find the right photo of Nemo.
If the joke is going to land, it’s gotta be good.
16. Heh…heh…right, guys? It’s funny…right, guys?
God bless him for being so sweet and naÏve, but methinks this might be his last night with a “wife.” She might have a boyfriend now.
