15+ Weird Habits We All Have That We’ll Never Admit To

Deny it all you want, but people are weird, and that includes you .

Sure, on the outside you might look like any other person who’s got their life together and never does anything questionable at all ever . But don’t even try to pretend you don’t have one or two of these strange habits that make you question your own state of mind and wonder why you’re the way you are.

If nothing else, this list of bizarre habits should offer you some comfort because you’ll finally realize you’re not alone — we all do dumb things sometimes. And that’s perfectly O.K.

Every single time.

It’s not that I don’t care. It’s that I have the attention span of a gold fish and as soon as I’ve asked you your name, I’ve already stopped listening and now I’m thinking about the carton of milk I most definitely left out on my counter this morning.

Depends on my mood.

I’m not talking about receipts for purchases I might actually need to return in the future. I’m talking about the receipt from buying a box of frozen chicken fingers at the store, or for batteries, or a new can of hairspray.

Sometimes I “need” the receipt, sometimes I don’t. It’s pretty much a coin toss at this point.

Excuse me, we’re having a moment here.

I do the same thing at the zoo when I happen to lock eyes with a giraffe and I think to myself, “This must be how Harry Potter felt when he was hanging out that snake in the first book.”

Just in case.

I don’t even put my phone on vibrate anymore because that’s somehow too loud, but the second there’s any sort of concern about phones interrupting something, I’m the first one checking mine.

And that’s called “anxiety”.

It’s always worth it.

I live for the adrenaline of shooting up out of bed like a damn rocket when those 15 minutes accidentally turn into 35 minutes and suddenly I’m super late for work.

I thrive off it.

Little bit of both, actually.

So what you gotta do is blow on it a little and then get too impatient to actually wait for it to cool down before taking a bite, and then hashafashasha-ing because it was, in fact, still way too hot for consumption.

And then repeat all this when you go for your next bite.

When your RBF game is too strong.

Look, I grew up being called “smiley” ironically by just about every teacher, co-worker, and relative possible, so believe me when I say this tweet hit home way too hard.

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“But suddenly I begin to see a bit of good luck for me.”

I had to knock over every other carton to reach that golden one shoved way in the back there but you can bet it was all worth it.

“I am so sorry, you definitely did NOT deserve that.”

I’ve also audibly apologized to my car for taking a right turn just a little too aggressively and forcing it up onto the curb for a few seconds.

You’ve been real good to me, so I’m going to try to start being better to you, too.

“No forklifts, eh? Okay, we should be good to go.”

I’m not sure when “heavy machinery” automatically started equaling “construction and/or farming equipment” in my mind but here we are.

Why do I do this though?

Am I stretching? Am I reaching for my ceiling? Am I simply feeling restless but not enough to actually get up, so I just throw my arm in the air instead?

Who knows ?

Please invite me to this event I will most certainly not be attending.

Introvert invites should become a real thing because we want to feel included but we also want you to know that we will still be staying home every Friday night as per usual.

Think it’s big enough? Think again.

Also, if you plan on taking that salad to work with you, it would definitely be in your best interest to pack it in a bigger Tupperware container than you actually need because when it comes time to shake that bad boy up, you’re going to thank yourself for thinking ahead.

I am *awfully* quick to give up on things.

For someone who loves to tell everyone else to try hard and follow their dreams, I sure do like to bail on things.

We need to talk about this more often.

I was in the grocery store the other day when a man walked past me and for some reason the smell of his cologne instantly transported me back to some random, long-forgotten memory I have of going to church with my grandpa when I was like, six .

Who needs time machines when our damn noses are already capable of throwing us into the past at any given moment?

It just be like that sometimes.

Tune in tomorrow to hear me sound out the word “February” because I am a child and I know nothing.

“Linner” is a thing, okay?

Pro tip: if you wake up early enough, you can fit like, three extra meals into your day. Trust me, I’m an expert.

Guilty as charged.

I will hand that person their half-empty carton of fries and watch them check the bottom of the takeout bag to see if the other half of their dinner fell down there, and I will walk away eating my full carton of fries.

And you know what? I will feel zero shame because I am a damn monster .

“You got it, sir.”

This has the same energy as when you’re lying on the couch watching cooking shows and you have the audacity to laugh at the professional chef who forgot to season their lamb chops while you shovel Hot Cheetos into your mouth.

Hills, hallways, flat ground, you name it.

Take it from an out-of-shape pro: if you try to breathe quieter, you’re just going to get even more out of breath, and before you know it you’ll be lying on your back halfway up that hill while you gasp for air and question every life decision you’ve ever made up til that point.