This is a time where we need to be coming together to help one another… well, from the comfort of our own homes, that is. Okay, it was a poor choice of words but the sentiment was right.
In these bleak times of self-isolation, what better way is there for people to come together than by taking to the internet to share hilarious and painfully relatable tweets with one another! And, with that in mind, and to try and distract you however temporarily from the boring reality of quarantined life, here are 15+ tweets that all of us can get behind!
It’s Your Own Tine You’re Wasting
The quicker we all get through this, the quicker we can all get back to drinking ourselves stupid in bars like we all want to!
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Here… Have Some Vouchers!
Basically, I want everyone to find the single best way to screw over airline owners, and enact the most personal and poisonous vengeance physically and emotionally possible. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
“Viva Las Vegas!”
It’s fun when you do it in Vegas, but less fun when you’re doing it against your will in your own home. Really exposes the inherent sadness of the whole thing.
Screaming Into The Void
Sometimes there really is nothing quite like screaming bloody murder in order to try and vent some of your furious anger at the state of the world. Truly cathartic.
One Hell Of A Party
The day that they reopen the bars in the UK, it is going to be the busiest weekend on record. More bad decisions will be made that weekend than ever before.
You Can Make Thousands Each Day!
I never actually thought about this, but they have disappeared into the woodwork. Probably hoarding their fake money like dragons.
“You… You Can See Me?”
Don’t you undermine that chameleon’s confidence, they’re probably trying their best, damn it, and don’t need you criticizing them.
It’s A Foolproof Plan
Look, I know the evidence would suggest that it won’t work, but dammit, it’s the best idea that we have at this time.
The Majesty Of The Human Body
Yeah, but humans are easy, they’re just emotions and organs. Ankles have all sorts of little fiddly bits in them!
Consult The Experts
Look, if you’re looking for advice on Tennis, go to Roger Federer; so, if you’re looking for advice on social isolation, go to the lonely saddos — we’re here for you!
Health Improvements
The best way to do this is to cover your lasagne in loads of little cocktail umbrellas so that your lasagne stays dry! Not that I have experience with this.
Billionaires Are Essentially Idiots
No, that’s not fair to call them idiots. Parasites, that’s what they are! Blood-sucking, murderous parasites. Much better.
Kinda Soviet
I like the vague nature of “might be illegal now?” There truly is no telling what is illegal and what isn’t any more.
No More Sing-alongs
Going to the shops at the moment is a regular who’s who of people that I want absolutely nothing to do with.
The Struggle Is Real
Look, while there is things like video games and Netflix, who really wants to exercise? This isn’t the time for being a martyr!
Time Is A Construct
Look, if you’re on your own and you aren’t seeing any other people, who really cares? I mean, your pets might, and delivery drivers might, but whatever!
Working From Home
And I think that we know which is the more important contribution to society. I mean, no one can fly at the moment, but people always need drawings of ducks!
One Of The Great Orators Of Our Time
Who would ever have thought that literally doing nothing and going nowhere would be a matter of public service? These are such strange times.
Chaotic Energy
As time becomes irrelevant and people go progressively more stir crazy, more and more menial things become hilarious!
Closed Until Further Notice
You know what, let’s just go ahead and throw another year on there, we’re in no hurry to be getting in shape.
