Prepare your eyes to roll, folks. These might not all be dad jokes , but they sure have that same “dad” energy.
So if they’re from dudes, they should probably know that they already have at least one requirement of fatherhood locked up. And if they’re not from dudes, well, they’ve been paying attention!
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How sweet.
Yes, I get it. Beauty. In the eye. Of the bee holder.
Well done, now never do it again.
Just obeying the traffic signs.
Let us recognize the sacrifice being made for this bit, literally laying down in the leaves and the dirt on a sidewalk just for the laugh. Thumbs up well-earned.
A glaring oversight.
Welp, it’s basically garbage now, best just throw it out and move on with your life.
He might need to patch this.
I mean, 2003? Coronavirus dropped in 2019, it’s the most up-to-date malware for humans. Get with the program!
Honestly, spot on.
Sometimes fortune cookies know us better than we know ourselves. If I didn’t have bad luck, I’d have stale nonsense.
“We sent this cake photo (left) to a cake shop, and this is what we got (right).”
Also known as “getting exactly what you paid for. Exactly.” You can’t say they don’t pay attention to detail!
Ah yes, words to live by — assuming the pharmacist can decipher them correctly.
Otherwise, things could get pretty awkward quickly. Seriously, I don’t know how pharmacists do it, but I’m sure glad they can read those scratchings.
I don’t see watt could possibly be wrong with this.
But I bet if you touch either of them, you’ll make a shocking discovery.
“Co-worker sent me this… We work at NASA.”
Good news, guys. The space program is in good hands. Nothing to worry about.
The perfect shirt doesn’t exi–
In Dad’s car, every trip can be a guilt trip. It’s good for you, builds character and puts hair on your chest.
Let’s not make any promises we can’t keep.
And if these blueberries can keep this promise, well, they should probably charge more.
I see what they did there.
It’s only funny until some joker actually orders their ice cream in a pine cone. Pretty sure that man will be Joe Biden, too.
“My husband Ian insisted that our new puppy Nala get her own stocking. I thought it was sweet until I realized he had ulterior motives.”
Well played, Ian, well played. Folks, the bar has been raised.
“Someone taped this to my wipes at work.”
It’s almost like Mike Tyson manufactures these just for people to make this joke. I kinda hope he does, to be honest.
Hey, how did somebody get a picture from my freezer?
Really though, why don’t ice cream makers just manufacture a half-vanilla, half-chocolate bucket?
If anybody really wants strawberry ice cream, they’re going to buy strawberry ice cream.
“The training has begun.”
They’re going to need some pizza though. In the meantime, I’ve got my golf bag full of sports equipment and a hockey mask for protection.
Ready when you are, boys.
“Got my husband some post-vasectomy snacks- amazing how much genital related food you can find!”
It’s just the right thing to do to help keep your loved one’s strength up during such trying times.
So close.
“I went grocery shopping and my husband put everything away,” explained the uploader. “It’s a blue box so it must be pasta.”
“When my husband asked where the markers were, I should have been more suspicious.”
It’s clearly an upgrade though. I don’t know who could be upset about this arts and crafts project. It’s infinitely better.
“I asked my husband to make sure the kitchen counter was clean.”
And now, the counter is clean. He’s technically correct, which we all know is the best kind of correct.
