Some of my favorite tweets on the internet come from sassy, uncensored women who have graciously chosen Twitter as their public platform to express their thoughts on all the latest nonsense in their lives.
These tweets will not only make you laugh, but they will also make you feel seen because many of these ladies are out here saying what we’re all thinking. And we definitely thank them for that.
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I’m still not over it.
When I first encountered this fun little mashup, I thought I would get used to it. But here we are, years later, and I still get super angry when I can’t listen to music while my phone is charging.
BRB, just compiling my case.
I will also be pursuing legal action against every guy named Tyler I’ve ever wasted my time with, as well as any Chad and Zach.
And don’t get too comfortable, Jake, because I’m coming for you next.
Get used to it.
As someone who’s always been ironically called “smiley” their entire life, I felt this tweet on a deep, personal level.
“Everyone with orange purses, please line up.”
I’m not going to even pretend like I understand why planes are boarded this way, but I feel like there’s got to be a better way.
Oh, sorry, I have to go — they just called for people who have a twin sibling and who have never seen Star Wars .
It’s time we all talk about Carrie Bradshaw.
I think enough time has passed since Sex and the City’s prime that we can finally say what we’ve all been thinking this whole time: Carrie had the absolute worst fashion sense out of all her friends, and yet she is supposed to somehow be the stylish one.
Layered tulle and over-sized bows a good outfit does not make, Miss Bradshaw.
Get them away from me.
I have now reached an age where I will genuinely cross the street if I see anyone under the age of 19 coming towards me. I just don’t need that kind of negativity in my life right now.
Every time.
Here’s what happens when you get your first job and you start working part-time: you realize that you would do anything to help your coworkers out, and most of them will do absolutely nothing to help you in return.
But hey, that’s the retail life for you.
*Hunger Games* was seriously problematic.
Hey, remember when there was an actual revolution going on, and yet half the plot of the series was somehow about whether Katniss should pick a brunette or a blond boyfriend?
A “Do-Not-Engage” ring, perhaps?
When I used to take public transit, I would actually wear a ring on my finger in the hopes that it would stop random men from talking to me at 7 AM on a Thursday morning.
But I quickly learned that didn’t work when those men would actually use my ring as a conversation starter.
Rule number one…
I feel like this is an important lesson we should be teaching girls, instead of telling them ridiculous things like, “Well if that little boy is making fun of you, it just means he likes you!”
And yet, he probably has perfectly clear skin.
I once went out with a guy who only kept one bottle in his shower — a 2-in-1 shampoo that he said he also used as body wash.
It just doesn’t make sense to me.
Before my boyfriend met me, he used to just leave his place with nothing but his keys, his wallet, and his phone.
Now that he has me (and apparently my bottomless purse), he’s more than happy to bring along sunglasses, a hat, a sweater, a spare pair of socks…
We all have stupid interests, okay?
I’m not over here trying to say one is better than the other, but maybe we can all just stop hating on each other for dumb things we like and, oh, I don’t know, just like them ?
Hey there, doppelganger.
I don’t know how many times someone has told me their fourth cousin, mom’s friend’s daughter, or co-worker’s niece looks like me, only to show me a very unflattering picture of some poor girl.
But it’s definitely happened enough times to give my ego a serious bruising.
Did someone say “Zooey Deschanel”?
I’ve seen more than enough independent romantic movies where the quirky, off-beat female lead (with bangs and perhaps even a pair of wide-rimmed glasses), falls for some floppy-haired man child who works in advertising, publishing, or is an architect in New York.
Let’s swap.
It would be pretty cool if this was a thing because women are always looking for ways to support each other, and nothing says “girls stick together” quite like sharing the boob wealth.
Your Tinder profiles are just embarrassing.
I’m not sure who taught men to take all of their pictures from below while not smiling at all, but maybe it’s time they learn how to work with the right angles and flash us some teeth once in awhile.
I still can’t believe this happened.
Honestly, if someone would cheat on Beyoncé, Be-freaking-yoncé , then what hope is there for the rest of us?!
Don’t think we just forgot about that.
We really need to talk about how some people turned into absolute animals when all this nonsense started, and how they’re the ones who are on Facebook now sharing posts about how we’re “all in this together” and “now more than ever, we need to love each other.”
I saw you fight an old lady for the last pack of toilet paper, don’t even play like that.
That’s it, that’s how you shut them down.
Honestly, I have such admiration for women like this who are able to not only calmly respond to creepy men on public transit, but actually come up with a witty, get-away-from-me remark.
Let’s learn from them. Let’s become them. Maybe then men will just stop trying to engage with us on moving vehicles where we can’t escape.
