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14+ People Who Aren’t Going Out To Party Anytime Soon

by Paddy Clarke
5 years ago
in Humor
Reading Time: 9 mins read
A A
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A lot of us like to enjoy a drink from time to time, and that is fine! Well, it is if you don’t inevitably take it too far and end up somewhat pickled!

And, in honor of those pickled people, please enjoy these 17+ people who are definitely drinking ’til last call!

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“Had a house party last night, still can’t find the key to my mums shoe…”

Image credit: Reddit | Justched
Reddit | Justched

I’d try the fridge first. Most things that go missing at parties end up in the fridge in my experience!

“Drunk. Got the Domino’s guy to buy me McDonald’s in the special instructions section.”

Image credit: Reddit | slapded
Reddit | slapded

This is one hell of a delivery driver! And, thankfully, the person who posted this went on to say that they tipped him $20!

“Go home, bumper sticker. You’re drunk.”

Image credit: Reddit | strixaluco
Reddit | strixaluco

Wow, looks like someone has been taking communion a little too far. You’re meant to sip the blood of Christ, not chug it!

“He chewed a hole in the cardboard box, chewed a hole into the beer, and now he’s passed out.”

Image credit: Reddit | SuperCub
Reddit | SuperCub

The only thing that will help this guy out tomorrow will be a few hair of the dog pints!

“My local bar has a drunk test for people leaving.”

Image credit: Reddit | designmur
Reddit | designmur

I’ve got to be honest, I don’t know how I would fare with this when I was sober, let alone when I was hammered!

“Had a party and a random drunk guy slept on our couch. He left us this note.”

Image credit: Imgur | BartledooTaco
Imgur | BartledooTaco

I wish that the people who had gotten drunk and slept over in our house over the years had been half as nice as Andy! I’ve never gotten one hand-drawn picture!

“In Tasmania, the cops gave a drunk guy a ride home, then took this photo so he’d remember in the morning how he got home.”

Image credit: Reddit | doogie92
Reddit | doogie92

As adorable as this one is, I would still be quite alarmed that there had been police officers in my room!

“A cat is a drunk girl’s best friend.”

Image credit: Reddit | GallowBoob
Reddit | GallowBoob

Oh, come on! That lazy cat isn’t even trying to help hold her hair back! Some friend!

“Have you ever been so drunk you mistook a chocolate bar for your phone?”

Image credit: Reddit | manny135
Reddit | manny135

It’s worse if you mistake your phone for a chocolate bar, let me tell you! I’m still paying off that dentist bill.

“Defacing my housemate’s stash.”

Image credit: Reddit | Estoye
Reddit | Estoye

In fairness, their housemate defaced their own fridge by putting this anemic sewer froth in there in the first place.

“My buddy dropped his burrito after a long night of drinking. This is what defeat looks like.”

Image credit: Reddit | [Deleted]
Reddit | [Deleted]

That looks like it might be able to be salvaged! Although, I think he may already have consigned himself to defeat.

“Thought he was stuck but realized he was just sleeping.”

Image credit: Reddit | lunatic01
Reddit | lunatic01

I can smell the tequila, regret, and back pain through this picture already. They’ll be doing nothing but watching Netflix on the couch tomorrow, that’s for sure!

“Spotted in a nearby neighborhood.”

Image credit: Reddit | Jintess
Reddit | Jintess

This bottle of O’Douls was clearly the final straw! Although, there’s a chance they may have been trying to stay off alcohol, which is perfectly understandable and still a better choice than White Claw!

“Left my boss a birthday cake. The tube of frosting I was writing with broke so I squiggled on there. Now I have a meeting to see if I was drunk at work.”

Image credit: Reddit
Reddit

Look, I’ve frosted a lot of cakes when I was drunk in my time for a variety of reasons, and I can tell you that it does get easier with practice.

“Went out drinking with my daughter. Pleased to report I was able to show her how adults have a sensible, restrained evening without going over the top.”

Image credit: Reddit | Whirlpoolgby
Reddit | Whirlpoolgby

Regardless of how much alcohol you have consumed, if you see a prop donkey like this and don’t get on top of it, then you’re not doing life right!

“A year ago I got black-out drunk at a charity bar crawl. My best friend commissioned a painting of his favorite photo of me from that night.”

Image credit: Reddit | copioustoast
Reddit | copioustoast

The most important thing I need to know here, and I’m sure I won’t be alone in this, is what is a “charity bar crawl” and how do I sign up for one?

“Saw this Bar sign on the way to a state park.”

Image credit: [Reddit | Reddit
[Reddit | Reddit

Alcohol can help scrub you from embarrassing photos by printing the photo off, pouring alcohol on it, then burning it.

(Please burn your embarrassing photos responsibly!)

“A lad that [drank] so much during the Brazilian carnival that he forgot his Girlfriend was on his shoulders.”

Image credit: Reddit | stchy_5
Reddit | stchy_5

There is a lot going on here, but I would never get on the shoulders of someone who was this wasted! Also, I doubt she’ll still be his girlfriend by the time she gets down.

“My birthday was yesterday […]. Decided to throw a birthday party for myself, with myself.”

Image credit: Reddit | markeightyfive
Reddit | markeightyfive

Floor-you is out already? Maybe he was just tired, but phone-you and guitar-you are fully not paying attention. Kinda rude.

“[Made] masks of sister’s [fiancé’s] face for Bachelorette party, this is what she walked in to.”

Image credit: Reddit | malsapeach
Reddit | malsapeach

A great way to ensure your friend’s last memory of unmarried life is an absolute nightmare.

“So the Joker is jump starting a woman’s car outside of the bar I am drinking at.”

Image credit: Reddit | White_bubba
Reddit | White_bubba

Do you see him there often? I’d maybe start going to another bar, no matter how nice this Joker seems.

“Dressed up as a ‘drinking problem’ and got virtually no laughs.”

Image credit: Reddit | PeterKB
Reddit | PeterKB

Yeah, you were asking people to think at a party. No one wants to do that.

“If you don’t drink…”

Image credit: Reddit | aygul
Reddit | aygul

Surely you could just text them… But there’s something about the sincerity of a friend drunkenly yelling it while leaning against you that makes it all the more special.

“My [friend’s] roommates never do the dishes and were drinking her alcohol. She found a solution.”

Image credit: Reddit | emzieees
Reddit | emzieees

Your friend will never get invited to do anything with these roommates again, but it’s worth it for the perfect petty combo revenge.

“At a party last night and my buddy disappeared, this morning we found this.”

Image credit: Reddit | anOrphanedPlatypus
Reddit | anOrphanedPlatypus

Who needs to shower when you can just wake up with a layer of frosty dew on you?

“Had a little [too] much to drink last night. […] A couple random good dudes took care of me. Found this in my pocket in the morning.”

Image credit: Reddit | iCantDieSoWhyDontYou
Reddit | iCantDieSoWhyDontYou

I think if I woke up in a stranger’s house and found a note that said “you were not kidnapped,” I’d be all the more convinced I was kidnapped.

“I was about to pour myself a drink and realized 2 of my ice cubes were actually pizza rolls. Maybe I don’t need that drink after all.”

Image credit: Reddit | TheTonz
Reddit | TheTonz

Pizza roll ice cube is bad, but thawed pizza roll ice cube is even worse.

“Drink smarter, not harder.”

Image credit: Reddit | N8theGr8
Reddit | N8theGr8

Does anyone know where to buy these straw-connecting segments? Asking for a friend. A lazy, lazy friend.

“So I send my sister a snapchat of a party I had when my parents where gone. She sent me this back. (It’s my dad).”

Image credit: Reddit | Zactheman50
Reddit | Zactheman50

Yes, you’ll get in trouble, but it’s a worthy exchange for the knowledge to never trust your sister again.

“This kid got caught drinking at a party and was interviewed by a local news station, he brought his own microphone.”

Image credit: Reddit | Scorface
Reddit | Scorface

He came prepared. He knew he was born to be a star, getting himself in trouble just to get a moment in the spotlight.

“‘He said the room was spinning and we wanted to help him’ – Drunk girls at party last night.”

Image credit: Reddit | DrLoveMeNot
Reddit | DrLoveMeNot

Hey, they had good intentions! I bet he felt much better after, no matter how overkill they might have gone.

“Some party hard, others party harder.”

Image credit: Reddit | Merytz
Reddit | Merytz

I’d say go big or go home, but I think this might be too big. I think they should go home.

“Came back home really drunk last night, This morning I went to make breakfast and then this happened…”

Image credit: Reddit | DrunkAlbatross
Reddit | DrunkAlbatross

Come on! Look, everyone knows that shoes are supposed to be kept frozen, not chilled. This is just amateur behavior!

“I was at the national agricultural show this weekend. Friday night there was a huge party and the morning after, this pig was found sleeping in a toilet stall.”

Image credit: Reddit | doihavetosignup
Reddit | doihavetosignup

Pig aside, what does a “huge party” at an agricultural show look like?

“This guy who was drunk as hell tried to shazam in the silent disco.”

Image credit: Reddit | MithrandirElessar
Reddit | MithrandirElessar

I’ve never been a fan of silent discos, but seeing something as ridiculous as this would make the whole thing worthwhile!

Tags: Humor

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