So where are all of you at in your self-isolation right now?
Me? Well, I’m at the point where I’ve completely stopped wearing a bra (sports or otherwise), I’ve watched just about every documentary Netflix has to offer, and last night I ate Kraft Mac & Cheese right out of the pot while FaceTiming with my parents’ dog.
In other words, I’m doing really, really well.
Suffice it to say, 2020 hasn’t been anyone’s year. I think once this is all over, we should all just unanimously agree to disregard this blip completely and pretend 2019 rolled right into 2021 without any sort of nonsense in between. Who’s with me?
Mentioning the Titanic in any capacity is a perfect analogy for 2020.
The last time I wore jeans and not a pair of my boyfriend’s sweatpants, I felt the same way I usually do when I have to get dressed up for a big event.
Like, for example, my own wedding or something.
We’re all in this together now.
I don’t know when math got so hard, but just try to help a student do their algebra homework nowadays and you’ll realize that you have no business walking around in your everyday life pretending you’re smarter than a fifth grader.
You are not .
I’m at *that* point.
I would also willingly attend a slam poetry reading, a college graduation ceremony, and my eight-year-old cousin’s swim meet if it means getting out of my apartment.
“We know you’re struggling. But please buy this $40,000 car.”
I genuinely can’t watch commercials on TV anymore because every single one starts with someone telling me how “now more than ever we need to support one another” while also trying to encourage me to spend money on something I have no business buying.
I’m pretty over it.
Get ready to work.
At some point my boyfriend has just stopped asking what we’re having for dinner and has just started accepting the fact that as long as it’s my night to cook, it’s always going to be some kind of pasta dish.
Thank you for understanding.
Remember when this all started and we all really thought we were being given some sort of bittersweet gift, an opportunity to better ourselves?
LOL .
I need it now.
I suddenly have so much more money now than before, which I think can 100% be attributed to the fact that I haven’t visited a Starbucks location in almost three months.
But you can bet that if one opened up down the road today I’d be there in a damn heartbeat, ready to throw all my money at them again.
“My dearest co-worker…”
The longer I stay inside, the more formal and well-wishing my emails and texts have become.
Each one ends the same way now, too: “Stay safe, stay inside. Yours in isolation, Caitlyn.”
I might as well be writing them with a damn quill.
Remember??
I admire their optimism, of course, but the minute this quarantine began I gave up on showering in the mornings and started working in whatever pants I slept in the night before.
Office decorum is a distant memory.
It’s official.
And I’ve also heard that April 2020 was the worst year since March 2020.
And March 2020 was the worst decade ever .
“Does this answer your question?”
I haven’t exactly reached that last frame yet, but I hope that one day we’re all able to pull ourselves up from the bottom of the pit in Anne’s front yard and give the camera an enthusiastic, though somewhat disoriented thumbs-up.
I live at the sink now apparently.
One of the things I never considered once we all started staying home 24/7 is just how many dishes would accumulate over the course of one day.
I didn’t even know I owned this many dishes!
You get what you get.
When this all first began, I was on Pinterest every day researching creative new meal ideas to keep things fresh.
Now I’m at the point where I consider ground beef and hot sauce a meal.
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That should fix things, right?
If that doesn’t work, let’s just try turning it off and on again and then we’ll go from there.
Otherwise, I’m totally out of ideas.
Pretty much.
At one point, I started forgetting what day it is. Now I often find myself trying to remember what month it is. Sometimes I still think it’s March, sometimes I think we’ve already hit July.
Time is a construct and 2020 is a bulldozer.
I’d like to leave now, please and thank you.
Quarantine has made us all significantly less tolerant of our partners. For example, the other day I exploded at my boyfriend because he’s taken to keeping the toothpaste in the shower, making me spend an extra five seconds in the morning grabbing it and bringing it back over to the sink.
Entirely inexusable.
We had so much hope in our hearts.
I wish I could go back and talk to myself on December 31, 2019, and give her some sort of a heads up about that brand new year she was so happily preparing to ring in.
She was so young, so innocent. Poor girl.
Thanks for the tip.
Here’s another one: pour your wine into a reusable water bottle and take it with you so the adventure can last even longer and you can day drink without anyone judging you.
You’re welcome.
Fight off those thoughts with yeast and self-rising flour!
When I found I was starting to spend way too much time thinking about things, I decided to start baking instead and now all I think about is how I can really take my lemon bars to the next level.
Tasty.
And if it had a symbol it would be a bare foot about to step on a cluster of Lego pieces while stumbling around in the dark.
