There are plenty of various green juices, shakes, smoothies, enemas, and teas which companies will try and sell you under the pretence of them being “good for you”. And yeah, they probably are, but I much prefer to scoff at the idea of these green immortality elixirs while sipping a full-fat can of Coke and pretending like I’m making the right life choices.
But why should I have all of the scoffing fun? We’re friends after all — or we probably could be! So, in order to share the scoffing wealth like the good scoffing communist I am, here are 12+ self care memes for you to scoff at while sipping overpriced green juice.
Walk The Line
I’ve always been an advocate of the work hard, play hard lifestyle. If work hard also includes working hard at finding any excuse to never go to the gym.
Tequila is Life
Tequila is a form of self care if you do it right! I mean, if you’re sucking the lemon properly that will keep scurvy away!
Emotionally Relatable Hedgehog
And you thought your spirit animal would be something like a cheetah, or a graceful gazelle; well no, it’s this hedgehog, screaming at the Earth for respite from the terrible taste of cauliflower and other things that are good for you.
RELATED STORIES
Isolation
It is a strange time in my life where I can relate more to a frog puppet, a broken vending machine, and an emotionally rattled hedgehog more than a single other human on Earth. The internet has done truly wonderful things for humanity.
The Routine
Hey, there’s nothing more important when you’re having a breakdown, than looking amazing while you’re having the breakdown. How else are you going to have the confidence to live stream your breakdown?
“I’ve never related to a vending machine more in my life.”
Yes, that’s right, keep smiling while you drink your overpriced cocktail of berries and leafy greens, I can see the truth of your soul plastered across the black of your eyes.
We Need To Talk About Kevin
This guy couldn’t think of a more subtle name to resurface with than Kevin Farzad? Unless you new life is as a cartoon character, this is going to stick out a bit.
“Keep Going!”
Pre-recorded praise is still very valid praise!
*Finds Tamagotchi*
This is the reason why I haven’t thrown anything out since I was about 14, and why my room looks like a 90s—themed nostalgia explosion has occurred in every single draw and cupboard.
The Perfect Relationship
There aren’t enough vegetables on the planet for me to eat to look as fresh and put together as Paul Rudd. Perhaps if you mainline blended kale straight into my veins I might stand a chance.
*Sips Tequila Sunrise*
As soon as I see a holiday picture from someone I follow, I wish them a happy holiday and pray for long delays on their trip home. it really balances out my karma and makes me feel a lot better about my life.
“Everything I learned about self-care, I learned from this boy.”
Everyone in out school had a Tamagotchi! They’re actually making a comeback, because everything seems to be making a comeback these days.
Existential Catsis
What on Earth did this cat’s owners do to it to make it look like this? It looks like how I feel when I hear the first christmas song of the year on the radio.
Take A Quick 5!
Substitute that amazing coat for a disgusting old emotional-support hoodie and the champagne for a cheap instant coffee and you’ve nailed it.
I Feel Attacked
If you’re already sat up straight, then congratulations for being just the most wonderful person ever! You can slouch back down like a normal person now you’ve made everyone else look bad.
I’m Sorry I Called You An Inanimate Object
Right, so now I also relate to a cardboard box that is begging for the sweet release of death. You know what, I’m gonna buy some damn green juice at lunch, I can’t take this any more!
Love Life
There are a lot of positives to being single, so don’t worry! I can’t think of what they are right now, but there are surely some out there!
*Cackles*
The first time you hear your laugh played back to you is like discovering that a celebrity you love is a scientologist. It’s hard to trust something you had grown so attached to ever again.
Truths
Capitalism is fun! Mournful communist anthems begin fading in from the horizon.
The Best Gift Of All
You can never have enough blankets in your life — the more blankets you have, the bigger a nest you can make to sleep in!
