I’m sure you’ve come across a few items in your life where the first question that crosses your mind is, “What the heck is that?” which is immediately followed by, “I don’t care. I want it!”
This list is full of products that were created for this exact reaction. Are they weird? Yes. Do we want them? YES!
This tortilla blanket.
I had to pick this image, because nothing has made me laugh harder today than “Imitation tortilla: It is pretty lame that only one side is a tortilla.”
That font, too. Why is it stretched? We just don’t know.
Anyway, get it here .
Why WOULDN’T you want these?
Listen, they’re going to get the job done. They’ll keep your feet warm. They’ll just also make people question your sanity, and isn’t that the whole point?
Get a pair here.
What, like you don’t need these?
Remember that time in early 2020 when toilet paper was in short supply? Ah, memories. Anyway, commemorate that time with a pair of toilet paper earrings!
Get them on Etsy .
This “Golden Girls” windshield cover will thank you for being a friend.
I mean, who wouldn’t want to ride with them? You may not get where you want to go, but you’ll have a good time doing it.
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Get yourself one on Amazon .
Your yard totally needs a spinning lawn flamingo.
Irritating your neighbors, Home Owner’s Association, or even your family is an absolute guarantee with set of four lawn flamingos. I want this for you.
Get a set here .
This absolute pile of ducks.
Here’s what you’re going to do: you’re going to order this pack of 50 ducks. You’re going to strategically place them around your home and then you’re going to wait. See how long it takes for anyone to suspect you of being the duck whisperer.
Get them here .
This giant seal pillow.
This thing is CHUNKY. One might even say chonky. It’s me, I’m the one saying it. You can hug this giant boy to your heart’s content for $59.99 .
This hilariously large elephant watering can.
You don’t think this thing is big, but trust me: it’s actually gigantic. It’s perfect for watering larger plants! And it’s actually really cute. Get it on Amazon .
A burger hat.
For the Bob’s Burgers fan in your life, obviously. This will keep you warm and let other people know that you’ve already got lunch and dinner planned out.
Get one on Etsy .
Who are these for?
Just kidding, I know they’re for Gen Z influencers who wear platform sneakers and high-cut shorts. Still, though. Imagine trying to see out of these? Ah, crap, I kinda want some now.
Get a pair here .
A giant inflatable ramen for your pool.
What, like you don’t have a pool that needs a giant ramen floatie? You do. I don’t even have a pool, and I definitely need this.
Get yours on Amazon .
Some band-aids that will insult you and anyone around you.
Listen, if they’re close enough to read your band-aid, they’re too close. So insult them in style with these Shakespearean insult bandages!
Get some on Amazon .
This frankly ICONIC face mask.
Only real Hocus Pocus stans will recognize that iconic mouth. The way I’m tempted to order this for Halloween…I kind of have to, right? It’s not even up to me.
Get it on Amazon .
This adorable coaster cactus tree is something I truly, actually want.
Some of these things are things I want in theory, but not in actually. I ACTUALLY want this cute little cactus tree. Or maybe I could make one myself? I’ll get back to you.
Get one for yourself here .
A Gelli Inflatable Foot Spa to treat your toes.
This basically looks like you’re about to soak you feet in pink goo, and I’m not gonna lie, that is what this product does. However, this isn’t just any pink goo — its formula claims to soften hard feels and massage your feet. I mean, I’d give it a try.
Get yours at Firebox .
