I, like many of my friends, have a list in my phone devoted entirely to potential baby names. Am I pregnant? No. Am I anywhere near ready to be pregnant? Not a chance. But I still find myself fantasizing about what I’m going to name my hypothetical children.
Here’s the thing: every few months or so, I check that list and realize some of those names aren’t nearly as fantastic as I thought they were when I typed them in. And I have to keep updating it so I don’t end up the mother of a child with a super awful name.
On that note, there’s an entire Reddit thread on the subreddit r/askreddit inviting people to share some of the most ridiculous names they’ve ever heard. And boy, did they deliver.
“Baby Girl”
This person shared that they knew someone who was legally named Baby Girl.
It’s unclear how old she is now, but if she’s an adult, I imagine it’s pretty hard to be taken seriously in the workplace with that kind of a name attached to you.
“Haight and Rayge”
In case the extra letters in there threw you off, this person said their friends’ children’s names were supposed to be pronounced “hate” and “rage.”
So, you know, good luck on the playground, kiddos.
“Starscream Anakin”
This user works in the admissions office at a college and said Starscream Anakin is by far the worst name they’ve ever come across.
“I get the Anakin part, but of all the Transformers to name your kid after, why on Earth make it Starscream?”
“Novemba”
I can only imagine this name belongs to someone whose parents happen to be huge fans of the month that comes before December. Aren’t we all?
Or maybe that’s when they was born, and their parents wanted to make sure they never forgot the month, in which case the day is definitely their middle name.
“Benadryl”
As this person explained, they live in a state in India were most people don’t speak English, especially in the rural regions. So when those parents travel to the city and see billboards with pretty and seemingly innocent English words, they’re inclined to name their babies after those words.
That’s how you end up with children named “Benadryl”, “Goodbye”, and even “Dishwasher.”
“Christgift, Christwill and Christgood”
I knew a family in my hometown who was quite religious, so much so that all four boys in the family were named Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John.
But I think these siblings’ names might be a bit more extreme.
“Secretlove”
Okay, this one’s got an absolute roller coaster of a story behind it.
The baby’s mom had a boyfriend her dad didn’t like, so they dated in secret, though everyone else knew about him. When she fell pregnant, they all assumed the secret boyfriend was the father, but it turned out to be another man altogether. And somehow that inspired the name “Secretlove.”
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I’ll be honest, I’m confused too, but let’s just move on anyway.
“Wednesday Passion”
This person offered no further explanation for the name, so another Reddit user decided to give it a shot:
“Named after her conception, I see.”
“Twelver”
“My neighbor was the 12th kid,” this user explained. “His parents named him Twelver. That’s gotta be the worst I’ve ever seen.”
I guess after 11 kids, you just get kind of sick of naming babies, huh?
” John John John”
As this person explained, they knew a boy in school named John, with the middle name John, and the last name John as well. So he was quite literally named John John John.
But whenever he had to sign his name, he felt that was a bit too much to jot down, so he would simply write “John3”.
“Nevaeh”
“Nevaeh,” this person wrote. “It’s heaven backwards. Anyone that tells you their daughter is named Nevaeh will also tell you that it’s heaven spelled backwards. Every time.”
If you have to explain your kid’s name every time you use it, maybe it’s not the perfect name you thought it was. Just saying.
