When you marry someone, you make a vow.
You promise to love one another, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.”
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But what about the unspoken rules of marriage ? Things like trust, communication, and giving each other space.
These are rules that help keep any marriage alive. Here, Redditors share which ones they live by.
You have to have respect.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T – Aretha Franklin said it best. As did this Redditor who wrote , “Learn when your partner is focused on something, and avoid interrupting them, etc. Respect each other’s need for free-time away from each other.”
Give each other space and alone time.
“If he wants to veg out and play video games for a couple hours let him. If she wants to unwind watching reality tv or reading books, let her. Don’t have to be connected at the hip to have a successful marriage.” – u/EpicBlinkstrike187
Don’t punish your partner for being honest.
Yes, the truth hurts.
But it’s better than things going left unsaid. This Redditor points out that punishing your partner will almost guarantee that the communication lines will close — maybe permanently.
Always be on each other’s side.
“No matter what happens, we’re on the same side and working towards the same goals. From work to family members, the rest of the world can be a butt, but at the end of the day, we chose each other and we remember why.” – u/spockgiirl
Don’t keep score.
Your partner won’t feel comfortable being vulnerable if you’re constantly saying , “well, last time you did xyz.” Instead of keeping score, make it a goal to let things go and be present in the moment.
Take your frustrations out on anything besides your partner.
For this couple, it’s cleaning.
“We literally will storm around the house washing things and yelling at each other. We let out all our frustration and take it out on the dishes and floors,” they wrote . By the time the fight is over, the house is spotless and they feel better.
Don’t try to win every argument.
“There’s no ‘winning’ an argument when you’re married. You either come to an agreement somehow or you’ve both lost. A situation where one person walks away feeling discouraged, unheard, and disrespected is not a victory when you’re married.” – u/deleted
Don’t make a big purchase without telling each other.
Doing so is a good way to lose trust — and lots of money. This applies even if you don’t share a joint bank account. That big purchase could still put your common goals behind schedule.
It’s okay to be wrong sometimes.
“Sometimes you’re wrong and sometimes they’re wrong. Don’t keep score, and don’t use “well last time…” as an excuse to keep going when you’re the one who is wrong. Also, talk things through.” – u/FacetiousTomato
Never use the “D” word a.k.a. divorce.
“Assume it’s not an option. Assume it’s never an option. Every fight you work through the best you can. You won’t always agree. But at the end of the day, neither of you is going anywhere.” – u/youknopeit
Put two blankets on the bed.
It may seem silly, but this will definitely help prevent arguments over someone stealing the blankets in the middle of the night. You could also consider sleeping in separate beds .
It’s okay to put your SO first, even above kids.
“A healthy marriage is better for kids in the long run than a mom or dad that waits on their kids hand and foot.” – u/rickee_lee
Don’t complain about how the other person cleaned something.
What matters is the fact that they cleaned it . Bonus points if they did the chore without being asked.
“They might not load the dishwasher the way you do, but they did load it. That is a win,” this Redditor wrote.
Don’t fight over text.
“TEXTING IS FOR GROCERY LISTS AND LOGISTICS ONLY. No arguments or fighting of any kind of via text. None. If you have something contentious to say, you say it in person.” – u/deleted
It’s okay to do things apart.
You shouldn’t lose your individual interests just because you’re married. It’s okay if you like to run and your husband stays home. Keeping your individual identity is so important in any marriage.
Talk often.
“A successful marriage requires you to speak. Talk often. Talk about your day. Talk about the little annoyances that happen from cohabitation. It’s the best way to stop them before they become big. And TALK ABOUT THE BIG THINGS. Most of them can be solved, but they can never be solved by silence.” – u/Conchobar8
Get creative when deciding where to eat.
Every couple knows this struggle .
You’re both hungry but deciding where to go takes FOREVER. To put an end to this, one couple got a “spin the wheel of choices” app that decides for them.
Get realistic about your expectations.
“Expectations will kill a marriage. Say what you want or need, don’t expect your partner to know. Because they don’t. It also makes it so you can appreciate the things they do on a whim for you.” – u/just_annonymous
Prioritize romantic time.
“Have sex. This isn’t just a man thing. Make a pact with each other that you almost never say no. Think of it like having just a few ‘no’ cards a month.” – u/manofsteel1117
