Not every day is going to be a good day. We know that, and we take that risk every time we clamber out of the bed in the morning. But we do it. We brave ahead and forge a path through the crappy days because we know you can’t spell “success” without “suck.”
1. I guess you could say that this attempt at cutting down the tree went…off the chain?
You could say that, but frankly, having a bent chainsaw is no laughing matter. Remember, if your chainsaw remains upright for more than four hours, consult your lumberjack.
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2. I guess you could say that this situation…escalated.
If you think for one second that I’m not going to try to caption every single one of these images with a CSI: Miami -style pun, you don’t know who you’re messing with, sister.
3. The most important part of networking is that you try to find a way to…get your foot in the door.
I never once said that all of the jokes were going to be good. I’ve really written myself into a corner. Let’s see if the next one goes any better.
4. I think I’m gonna give up on the gimmick. Probably because this situation is just too tragic to joke about.
I mean, it’s one thing to lose your keys in the car. We’ve probably all done that, or come close. But the lanyard is just such a brutal taunt from the universe.
5. I’ve got a good dozen questions about what’s going on here.
Namely, I’m dealing with the fact that whoever is caretaking for this establishment is well aware of the toilet fire and thinks that a bucket of water is the solution.
6. This is the second-worst thing I’ve ever seen happen to a box of cat litter before.
If you think I’m going to tell you about the first thing, I don’t think we’re quite at that stage of our relationship yet. Sorry, readers. Get to know me a little better first.
7. Sure, this may seem like a disappointment, but realistically, that gummy rope is still perfectly edible.
Just come back in the evening when it’s a bit cooler and I bet it’ll taste the exactly same. You’re fine.
8. Sometimes in life, there are consequences to your actions. And sometimes, after your most spectacular fails, those consequences involve petty revenge from a whole fleet of buses.
Everybody knows there’s no petty like bus-driver petty.
9. I’ve heard of rednecks before, but this seems pretty ridiculous.
I haven’t seen a red this deep since my college roommate really got into Communism.
Yep, that’s the extent of that joke.
10. And here is just reason number infinity why I don’t own a car.
It’s really just the “not having enough money to own one” thing, but the more often I see car fails happen, the better I feel about being broke.
11. I guess you could say that when it came time to being handy, this person got…screwed.
That’s right, baby. The CSI: Miami format is back! At least, for now. We’ll see how the rest of this goes.
12. Unfortunately, when you paint your roof, you run the risk of cats walking through it.
On the plus side, you can end up with a truly unique paint design on your car. You really just have to lean into it.
13. Who would have thought that ordering flowers off the internet in a cardboard box might not yield the very freshest of arrangements?
I shouldn’t make fun. I didn’t even get my mom flowers on Mother’s Day. Although, I think she’d prefer nothing over this.
14. Finally, someone answered the age-old question of what would happen if you closed a fish oil pill inside of a laptop.
It turns out that the fish oil pill wins. Every time.
15. If I was buried up to my neck, I’d spend the whole time worried about crabs biting my toes, but now I’ve got a whole new phobia to worry about.
Just kidding, I’m already terrified of seagulls.
16. Apparently this can be what it looks like when your downstairs neighbors decide to install a chandelier.
On the bright side, at least they weren’t actually standing right on top of this spot when it happened.
