Giving birth is an extremely personal and intimate experience that women go through. Many times, women prefer to have fewer people in the delivery room because they are extremely exposed and it can be too personal for them to be seen by extended family members. Some moms prefer to just have their partners in the room for the birthing process.
After the baby is born and the new mom has some time to clean up and get situated, that’s when family usually comes in to see the newborn.
From parents to in-laws and siblings, everyone wants to see their new bundle of joy after they are born. Usually, new moms just want a little time to breathe before the family comes in.
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However, there are times when a family “demands” or pushes their way into the room before a mom is ready.
Recently, one mother-in-law wrote into the popular r/AmItheAsshole community on Reddit asking if she was wrong for “demanding” that she be in the delivery room for the birth of her son’s baby.
The soon-to-be grandma said that her son and his fiancée are expecting their first child, however the baby was unplanned.
“My son (23y) and his fiancée (21y) are expecting a baby boy. Clearly, it wasn’t planned. My son told me privately that he wasn’t ready to be a dad especially since he wanted to get married first, finish college then think about kids. But his fiancée insisted on going through with her pregnancy,” she wrote.
The MIL said that because the two are so young, she’s been stepping up financially.
“I found myself already paying for the nursery/clothes/essential stuff the baby will need and I was told to step in since he’s my grandbaby. Plus having to pay for her vitamins/doctors appointments/food etc.,” she added.
The MIL said that her son has been “busy studying.”
“While my son has been focusing on studying. He kept telling me to do things on his behalf since he was busy. I honestly felt worried the baby won’t get the attention and care he [needs] with my son’s behavior,” she wrote.
So, when it came to being present for the delivery, her son said it was okay for her to be there.
“I thought we were on good terms til [ sic ] she blew up on me when I brought it up to her saying no she doesn’t want me there and wants my son instead. I was upset with how she was behaving especially after everything I’ve done. I think I deserve some respect and my voice to be heard but she kept lashing out at me when I told her I had the right and demanded to be present in the delivery room, ” the MIL wrote.
The MIL asked if she was wrong for “demanding” she be there after everything she has done.
The vast majority of the Reddit community said that this woman is clearly in the wrong because she is not respecting the wishes of her daughter-in-law.
Many said that it’s at the discretion of the person giving birth to decide who is in the delivery room.
“How dare you? No, really. HOW DARE YOU! This is coming from a woman in your own age group not a young adult. You have absolutely NO right to demand to be in the delivery room while another woman gives birth no matter WHAT you contributed over the pregnancy,” one person wrote.
Others backed up this stance by saying, even if the son gave his permission, ultimately it is his girlfriend’s choice.
Given that the labor and delivery process can be physically and emotionally challenging, the majority of Reddit users said that the mom giving birth gets to choose who is in the room.
People were not on this MIL’s side and weren’t afraid to show their support to the expecting mom.
“She is the one having the baby. She decides who is present. The last thing she needs is someone who will stress her out,” another user said.
Many users recounted their own birth stories and agreed that it is too personal of an experience to have just anyone in the room.
“Tacking on to top comment to say YTA [you’re the asshole] birth is not a spectator sport. I could have the best relationship ever with my MIL and I still wouldn’t want her looking at my vagina,” one user said
Others said it sounds like this woman’s son needs to step up and be a dad.
“Sooooo…. because your SON is not stepping up as a parent… your daughter-in-law doesn’t get to be supported in the delivery room the way she wants to be? Are you kidding me? How about kicking your son’s butt in gear and explaining that he needs to step up as a parent and grow up?” one person wrote.
One user said the MIL was using “financial guilt” to pressure the mom-to-be into letting her in the delivery room.
“It does not matter what your relationship to the mother or the baby is, nor does it matter that you paid for anything. You do not get to elbow your way into a delivery room, especially not by using financial guilt,” one user said.
Others added that if she feels unappreciated, she’s not forced to contribute so much.
“[If you] do not want to contribute financially to your grandchild’s life then set some boundaries. Buying things for them does NOT mean you are entitled to butt into their private lives,” one person added.
What do you think? Did this soon-to-be grandma go too far?
