The world is full of bonkers things. I mean, we actually live in a world where Paul Blart: Mall Cop got a sequel! Just let that fact sink in for a second!
However, unlike Paul Blart: Mall Cop , a lot of the crazy things in the world actually make sense — as do the crazy things on this list!
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“So this happened…”
“Hi, I’m here for my eye test?”
“Yep, of course sir. If you could please reverse out of the lobby then you can go straight in, as I think the doctor knows you’re here.”
“Arguably the most compelling reason for protecting your source’s identity.”
This reporter made this anonymous source’s lifelong dreams come true! I wonder if the person ever managed to find their moment of anonymous fame?!
“So, This Happened At My Local KFC”
I’m assuming that the simple reason no one showed up is that people hate working at KFC and aren’t paid enough to do so — no mystery here. Also, who experiences “extreme inconvenience” at a KFC being temporarily closed?
“The REAL reason I’m single.”
I didn’t realize that the stakes were so high when it came to those damn email chains?! Also, is this still a reference that people get, or am I now officially old?
“I finally found a good reason to get a SmartCar… I suck at parallel parking!”
Nope, still not an acceptable reason. Look, you’re closer than a lot of people to having a legitimate reason, but it’s just not enough!
“My daughter’s list in case anything happens to her older brother.”
I think that you now have enough evidence to be very suspicious of your daughter if something does happen to her older brother!
Says Who?!
In fairness, there are a lot of kids who cry on fairground rides and I’m assuming that the people running it would just rather deal with a slightly irate parent than have to constantly stop and start the ride.
“This plaque at the dog park commemorating a park record.”
Is this good luck, like when people say it’s good luck if a bird poops on you? I’m sure the woman who got peed on didn’t see it as lucky.
What Happened Here?
Jeez, just let the squirrels have some books! This is why I’ve been campaigning for libraries for squirrels for several years now!
“My school’s late passes now have customisable reasons.”
That seems like a perfectly acceptable reason for someone to be late! I mean, did you see Silent Hill ?
“He keeps taking them down for some reason…”
The tagline on this chiropraptor’s website is, “Hey, back pain! Time to meteor maker!”
I am so sorry about that.
“It finally happened!”
“Hello and welcome. If we could please have everyone’s attention for this quick word from your captain.”
“Oink, oink oink, snort!”
“Was hiking in the bush and found this. When random save points appear something terrible is about to happen, right?”
Better start mashing save before an inevitable boss battle occurs. I’m assuming that in real life a boss battle would be just coming across a bear or something?
“Took the most epic picture, the fire decided to join us in our peace sign.”
That is the most peaceful fire that I have ever seen. I mean, fire isn’t exactly known for its peaceful demeanor!
“Drunk me still isn’t saying what happened, but I’m fairly sure that he rolled in around 4am.”
I bet any money that this person slept in their clothes last night, potentially with a half-eaten kebab on the bedside table.
“Someone broke the office lucky cat and left an apology cake.”
Firstly, how do you break a lucky cat? Secondly, that is clearly a cookie and not a cake!
“These burned out lights perfectly align.”
“Dave, when I told you to fix the sign, I meant to actually fix the sign, not to just break more bulbs until it made sense!”
“You should have been more clear.”
“I had to leave my car in a parking lot over night but it had a broken window so, naturally, I put up a very truthful list of reasons not to steal it.”
I can also see that they have a “Canadian Tire” yard waste bag. If this is in Canada, then I think we may have found the real reason why this truck never got stolen.
“There’s a bathroom in my parent’s house that is lit by a single window and this is what happens every day.”
Legend has it that if you defecate in this toilet at the right moment, you will be transported to heaven.
“We did it Pen-Bro. We beat the odds. Through dropping you in lectures to lending you out to friends, we made it from beginning to end.”
I cannot believe that someone actually managed to use a Biro from start to finish without losing or breaking it. I’m actually stunned!
“This is the reason why you shouldn’t do drugs on a construction site according to Occupational Health and Safety in Australia.”
So, wait. Is this meant to be telling people not to do drugs? Because seeing a dragon while pretending to be a wizard seems pretty fun?
Seems About Right!
So, will they bring you back inside the building through the exit you left through and then throw you out through a different exit?
“My family is pretty odd. Tonight, my mom hired an Elvis impersonator and didn’t tell anyone about it.”
Okay, so it looks like this one may be the exception to the rule, as I cannot find a single reason why anyone would ever do this…ever!
“Army Specialist was denied leave to go to a baby shower because his CO said ‘Men don’t go to baby showers’, so he changed his reason.”
Ah yes, football football, car car car car! Although, protein shake protein shake!
“A lightning strike within a rainbow.”
Okay, so it might not be the funniest one on the list, but hot damn! What are the odds of that happening? Whoever finally found the treasure at the end of that rainbow had one hell of a rough day.
Is This The Only Reason They Bought This Car?
I can actually imagine someone choosing this specific car just so that they could make this joke, and why not? Well, I can think of many reasons but what the hell! You do you!
Well, That’s Lucky!
Christ, if this isn’t an ad for why you should wear protective equipment, then I don’t know what is!
“After trying unsuccessfully for many months to get pregnant my wife and I decided to get a puppy… I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Looks like you’re gonna have a lot of work on your hands all of a sudden! At least your new child will have a painfully adorable friend to play with.
“He saw the cat do it ONE time and this happens.”
He realized the cat’s got a good lead… It’s comfortable up there!
“Friend of mine went to a bat exhibit today, she saw more bats than she expected.”
Do you think he was there because he wanted to learn how to be more authentic, more in-character?
“This is Roger my UPS driver. He stopped by on his day off and we saw his license plate.”
I don’t know what it is, but I instantly trust Roger. He seems nice. And funny.
“He saw himself on the phone and freaked out.”
Of course he did! You’re teaching this lemur about existence and the concept of having a body! That’s terrifying stuff!
Who You Gonna Call?
So which one of them will get in trouble? Will one get a ticket? Whose insurance do they call?
A Fair Warning.
Shady is one way to put it, but based on this scene I’d say it’s more openly malicious and craving violence.
“Honest window sticker I saw today.”
“Yeah, he’s draining us of any savings we had and dooming us to a late retirement, but we want him to live.”
“Heard something going on in the kitchen then heard screams of bloody murder. Walked in and saw this. A goat stuck in my trash can.”
I guess the first question to ask yourself is do you own a goat? If not, this becomes a lot weirder.
“Found a wild bird in the trees next to my [parents’] house and I’m having trouble identifying it.”
I can’t tell from here, but if you want it to come closer I’m sure some bacon in those feeders will bring it right over.
“So I saw this parked in front of work when I was leaving.”
I know it’s been ages since Nyan Cat was relevant, but I have to admit this looks pretty good. I hope it only plays the Nyan Cat song when it drives around.
“Saw the work of a master builder today.”
Does it have cup holders? Do the seats flip up with coolers underneath? Does anyone reading this get this reference?
“[This was] outside of my apartment complex this morning.”
So you have a phone that’s capable of contacting the other person, but this is how you’re breaking the news? I’ll give you points for the drama of it all.
“Walked outside and saw the cat sleeping like this.”
This is the animal equivalent of having one leg outside the blanket so you don’t get too hot.
“My neighbour put this above his doorbell.”
If only there was another alternative to doorbell ringing that involved our knuckles and the door… Oh well, guess I’ll yell.
“Don’t worry I will just handle it!”
I can’t tell if this is just incredibly lucky or if it is an incredible level of skill. I’m leaning towards lucky!
“These shoes aren’t mine. My dog managed to get out today and brought home this collection. Now I have to try to return them all to my neighbours.”
Not just singles either! He managed to snatch a whole pair! That’s one talented dog! I mean, um, criminal. This isn’t impressive or funny, it’s criminal.
“The only reason we read these anymore.”
I didn’t realize that there was any other reason why people wrote things on the backs of bathroom products?!