13+ Products That Flat Out Shouldn’t Exist

There are a lot of things in the world that shouldn’t exist, such as low-fat hot chocolate and the music of Santana.

In addition to those two bafflingly awful things, here are 13+ weird products that flat-out shouldn’t exist.

*Hideous Meaty Cackling*

One person added, “In Germany every [butcher’s] place has these. As a kid, I always got a free slice,” and I can’t think of anything that would have terrified me more as a child than a meat clown.

“Undies for two…”

Have you ever wished that you and your partner could share a pair of underwear for no real reason?… No? Well, good news, then: You’re not insane!

“A phone that’s also a fidget spinner.”

I looked into these fleetingly and you can get one of these bad boys for about $65 on eBay. I wouldn’t recommend it though.

“Asparagus flavored ice cream…”

I love asparagus, so I’d actually be quite tempted to try this. Although I don’t know if ice-cold asparagus would be that palatable.

“Stick on gems for your arse cheeks.”

Ah yes, I cannot count the amount of times that I have wanted it to be wildly uncomfortable whenever I sit down.

Viagra Ice-Cream!

And you thought that asparagus ice cream was strange! Well, I see that and raise you Viagra ice cream…a sentence I never thought I’d say.

“The Best Book For Kids!”

I will absolutely be buying this for my kid if I ever have one just to mess with their head.

“Soda that tastes like salad dressing.”

Okay, the idea of this one nearly made me knock it so I think that I’m gonna have to move on swiftly.

“Gender reveals are getting out of hand…”

What kind of sicko is buying these? Just tell people you’re having a baby boy. Don’t make it all weird and creepy!

“A kid at my school had these shoes…”

Now, I actually own a pair of these against all the odds. I won them in a pub quiz — and I can assure you that they are horrifically uncomfortable.

“This screen protector has glitter infused in it.”

For all of the people out there who love thinking that they have a dirty screen! Good God, this would drive me insane.

“This Fidget Spinner Magazine.”

I bet that this was one hell of a short-lived publication! Those damn things were everywhere one minute, then gone the next!

“Sneaker raincoats.”

They’re shoes… They’re meant to get wet. If they’re that valuable to you, then don’t wear them!

“Fake hipster stump for $79!”

“It’s…it’s just a stump, Dave?”

“No, Allan, it’s an expensive stump!”

“How to waste paper!”

I love the little “Unofficial and Unauthorized” addition at the bottom. I wonder why this isn’t official YouTube merchandise as it’s such a stellar product?!

“My pregnant, ramen loving girlfriend found (and bought) these today.”

I wonder why they were only out for a limited time only? I’m sure the general public would have loved them!

(I’ve got to be honest though, I am really curious to try these now!)

“Walmart has some terrifying products. Nana wasn’t too happy about it.”

The obviously adorable grandmother aside, who is the person out there who cannot be bothered to simply chop up a banana?!

“A Rubik’s Cube that doubles as a treasure chest. It only opens when solved.”

In fairness, the only reason why I hate this is because I have never been able to complete one of these and I know that I would lose my valued possessions forever inside of it.

“Monopoly ‘Cash Grab’ gun.”

Yes, teach your kids to desperately crawl around on the floor clutching to the most important thing on the planet: money. That will give them value.

Shudders

“Face-hugger face mask.”

This has obviously required a lot of time and effort to build, but I just have one question… Why?

“A 24-hour clock…”

If you need a clock like this to tell you whether it is day or night, then you have more pressing issues, my friend.

“A tube to prevent phone distractions during conversation.”

If people are so addicted to their phones that they need to enter a carnival-esque nightmare tube just to talk to another human being properly, then something has gone wrong on this planet.

“I have never wanted anything more in my life…”

Look, I’m not saying that it isn’t fantastic… I’m just saying that this thing shouldn’t exist! It has no meaning!

“These glasses my sister bought.”

Can’t decide on what style of glasses you want? Well, why just settle on one style when you can wear two at once?!

“What the…”

Thank God that you only get the mold. I really don’t want to think of what else you could get with this if I’m honest…

Maybe She’s Born With It, Maybe It’s Garlic!

I guess that you won’t have any problems with vampires with this horrific shampoo clinging to your scalp.

“EarEarrings?”

They should have little piercings in them as well so that you can hang your other piercings off these tiny little ears.

“Omelette anyone?”

I know that this is obviously a gag but the very idea of this being a thing is too annoying to me to get past!

“This floating mug – to eliminate coasters.”

Introducing the world’s most shatter-able mug, with a handle that looks like it could snap at any second.

“5 pieces of a centaur that go on your fingers to make one full centaur for minutes of fun!”

Not just minutes of fun, minutes of unsettling, horrific fun, followed swiftly by a strange sort of shame.

“Spotify’s has lyrics to Sandstorm. In case you forgot them.”

I always thought of ‘Sandstorm’ being more of a ‘du’ or ‘do’ sound, but ‘da’ works too I guess.

“A punchable enter key.”

Work is stressful sometimes. This way you can take out your anger and make sure everyone in your office hears it too.

“Crocs with built-in socks.”

I see these as a one-time wear type of shoe as I can’t imagine washing it is easy or worth it.

“These insult teacups.”

Start your day with a very fancy, very angry cup of tea.

“A Rubik’s cube that can never be wrong.”

This is the kind of certainty I need in my life. Having no fear of being wrong instantly soothes my brain.

“A pure white puzzle.”

Unlike the last product, this one sets off a million stress alarms in my head. Only a true masochist would buy and build this.

“Isopod phone case.”

I’m one of those freaks who thinks isopods are cute so I’m really into this. Gigantic and clunky, sure but your phone definitely won’t break!

“Portland Airport sells socks and other merchandise to match it’s carpet.”

Just in case you’re a huge fan of the Portland airport, specifically. Does every airport have merch? Who’s the market for that?

“You can now literally buy nothing.”

The perfect way to be a smartass to someone on their birthday, or a designated holiday, whatever the case may be. I’m sure it’ll go over well.

“Anti-theft lunch bags, wonder if they work?”

If you live or work somewhere where you need an anti-theft device on your food, just get a lunch bag and a padlock.

“Hello Kitty Pinot Noir.”

I was gonna make a joke about how I’m sure this is totally official and backed by Sanrio, but…it is. It really is. I’ll take three bottles, please.

“Minimalist Uno.”

Play the world’s most beloved family card game but in a fancy, artistic way instead. Feel your superiority complex grow with each card drawn.

“Just add coffee.”

“So, it’s ice then?”

“Yes, but you can add coffee to make it into an iced coffee!”

“Can I not do that with regular ice?”

“Stop asking questions and buy our ice!”

“Round dice.”

I’m sure there’s a purpose for this, there has to be, but I just can’t figure it out. It scares me.

“Really?!?!?”

Aside from the obvious fact that they are just awful, wouldn’t the long hair get on your nerves tickling your legs all day?