One of the biggest moments of many people’s lives is the day they get married. When you decide to marry someone, you vow to commit to them in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. Pledging your love and life-long partnership with another individual is a big deal. You vow to share each other’s moments, good and bad, together for a lifetime.
With any marriage, there are good times and bad times.
Life can be a rollercoaster that is oftentimes bumpy. When you vow to marry someone, you vow to share these times with each other always. Sometimes, marriages can set you up for a lifetime of obstacles.
In today’s political climate, people in the Black community are calling out the oppression they face every day.
In recent years, the gap between the White and Black communities has widened, according to studies. . With increased protests to end the oppression of Black individuals, police brutality, and other forms of systemic oppression, being a Black person in America right now is an ongoing struggle.
When you’re in an interracial marriage, this struggle means that the problems of the Black community become problems in your life and marriage, too.
One woman, Pamela, who happened to marry a Black man, Walter, has now penned a heartbreaking and honest list about how much her life has changed since marrying her husband. While she loves and cherishes her marriage and family, she is candid about the difficulties that arise.
Originally posted on her family’s Facebook page and family blog, Pamela shared the list of challenges.
Posted on her family’s blog, the mom penned:
“So as a white woman married to a black man and raising a biracial child I’ve had to unlearn a lot of things. I’ve also had to LEARN twice as much. I’ve had to become aware and start to notice things my mind never would have before.”
First, she acknowledges that driving has particular rules.
“I have to drive basically anytime we are leaving the Dayton area. We don’t talk about it each time, we just both know that if we are leaving our general ‘safe’ area and heading to smaller town Ohio roads I’m the one driving,” she says.
She is also the one who handles individuals outside of their family.
“I have to handle store clerks, returns, getting documents signed, anything with any federal building or administrative work, I get further with any type of ‘paperwork’ thing that needs [handling], people listen to me and are much more agreeable than with him,” she writes.
Many people underestimate them as a couple.
Due to her husband’s race, people sometimes think less of them.
“None of our neighbors thought we owned our home, multiple neighbors stopped my father and asked him if he was the new landlord for us. Because of course, the old white man must have purchased the home. Not only do we own our home, it’s fully paid off, we have no mortgage and we paid for it BY OURSELVES,” she wrote.
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She also said that her family is limited when it comes to buying products.
Being an interracial couple, she said there are “way less greeting cards” marketed for you. And, her daughter has a small selection of toys that represent her identity.
“When doll shopping our daughter gets 25 white options and 1-2 black or mixed-race doll options,” she said.
She finished the post with a very strong and powerful message.
“Now this post isn’t to make people say ‘oh poor you, I’m so sorry’ etc etc. we have a wonderful life and are thankful for it. But…changes need to happen,” she wrote.
She explained this was only a small look into their life.
“This is just a small glimpse into the intentional and unintentional racism that happens everywhere, all the time. I want a better world for our daughter so I’m happy that things are changing. I know a lot of you are tired of the protests and tired of the changes and tired of people complaining,” she wrote.
And, she’s exhausted by all of it, too.
“Well I’m tired of having to find a different gas station when the one we drive by has two trucks with confederate flags and 6 white boys in sleeveless shirts standing around outside. I’m tired of my husband having to talk to everyone and never complain even when they mess up his order 10,000 times,” she said.
She ended the post saying that this may seem hard, but it’s a life she will live with forever.
“I’m tired of driving Damn near everywhere, I’m tired of the sick feeling I get when a cop pulls behind us, I’m tired of having to worry anytime my husband has to work OT and leaves in the middle of the night, I’m tired and I’ve only been on this ride 7 years, imagine a lifetime of this,” she wrote.
Pamela’s heartbreaking and insightful post quickly went viral on Facebook.
It has been seen and shared by thousands of users, including many people who are also members of biracial families and have related to Pamela’s experiences.
Pamela’s post seems to have struck a chord with people online and has given a new perspective to the ongoing discussions about racism and oppression in America.
