Deciding on whether or not to get married is one of the biggest decisions that any couple will ever come to make. Marriage is hard, it requires patience, and above all else — a willingness to grow and change.
For any young (or old) couple with wedding bells on their mind, there are definitely a few things you should know beforehand. Have a look below and check out these married couples as they give advice to people thinking of tying the knot.
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Things won’t always be even.
“Marriage isn’t always a 50/50 partnership — sometimes, it’s 70/30, sometimes it’s 80/20, and sometimes it’s 100/0. But this isn’t a reflection on effort or commitment, that should always be 100%.” – Reddit u/LiquidSoapEnthusiast
“If you’re more interested in the wedding than the idea of being married, you’re not ready to be married.” – Reddit u/Smack1700
A wedding is only one day, your marriage is forever. Try not to sweat the small stuff because at the end of the day — it’s all just small stuff.
Be prepared to change several times over.
“After being married 20 years, the most important thing I’ve learned is that you need to be ready to marry your partner several times in your lifetime. We all change, sometimes drastically.” – Reddit u/kuzushi_
“Sit down and figure out your finances. And continue to do that every few months.” – Reddit u/Words-Words-Words-
If I could offer any advice, as someone who used to work for a bank — keep your finances separate but equal. Money is the number one thing that all couples fight about and if you allow it to, it will destroy your marriage.
Every single person comes with baggage attached — usually in the form of relatives.
“You are about to gain an entirely new side to your family — all their drama, all their family events, all their everything, and it’s the most shocking part.” – Reddit u/Trigger93
If you don’t grow together, you will inevitably grow apart.
That’s the message at the core of Redditor Trust_No_Won’s post. Couples need to have common interests and goals, they need to actually enjoy one another’s company. Beauty fades, passion dies, but true love built on friendship and mutual respect will last for eternity.
Be prepared to lean on one another.
“You will both have days when your relationship feels invincible, and there can be months where one of you is depressed or hurting. But you both have to be willing to support each other no matter the circumstances.” – Reddit u/sdub99
Make sure that your principles align…for the most part.
Redditor fknez says that it’s a good idea for couples to be on the same page when it comes to core values. If you aren’t before you get married, then you won’t be after the fact.
Don’t take one another for granted.
“Keep dating. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean should stop trying to woo each other. There’s no shame in scheduling a regular date night. Take turns planning it!” – Reddit u/AwwwSnack
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Redditor FreshDougy thinks that keeping things bottled up inside is like poison for a marriage. Couples need to be able to voice their opinions in a safe and productive manner. Otherwise, resentment will surely start to build.
Learn the proper way to argue with one another.
“Learn to argue well. It’s going to happen, so learn to voice your concerns and opinions in a constructive way. Learn to listen to theirs, learn to compromise, and then put it behind you. Leave everything in the discussion.” – Reddit u/AwwwSnack
“It’s not your spouse’s job to make you happy — it’s nobody’s job to make you happy.” – Reddit u/unknown
Marriage isn’t going to solve everything that’s wrong in your life or in your relationship for that matter. If you allow yourself to become emotionally codependent, you’ll wind up pushing the other person away.
Understand that your independence will never be what it once was.
“The best thing about marriage is that there is always someone there when you come home. The worst part of marriage is that there is always someone there when you come home.” – Reddit u/DrFrankSays
Never keep secrets from each other.
According to Redditor AwwwSnack, the only thing that married couples should hide from one another are presents. As far as everything else is concerned, it’s best to be as open and honest as humanly possible.
Kids will push your relationship to its breaking point if you allow them to.
“When kids arrive, make sure both of you are on the same page with everything. Kids are the greatest manipulators in the world, and they will break you to pieces if you can’t work together.” – Reddit u/LivingLosDream
h/t: Reddit
