Most parents yell at their kids from time to time. And in many cases, it isn’t done out of anger — it’s done because yelling seems to be literally the only way to get through to them.
A mom and parenting coach recently took to TikTok to explain just why this is.
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Tia Slightham has some thoughts on the matter.
Tia, a life coach, mother of two, and author, shared a TikTok video that’s gone viral with several million views.
As it turns out, it’s all about setting boundaries. We’ve all heard that one before. But Tia’s advice goes in an unexpected direction.
Parents are the reason parents yell at their kids.
This isn’t about playing the blame game, though. As Tia explains, kids are born to test boundaries.
What does this mean? In a nutshell, if you’re trying to be reasonable or kind when you ask a kid to do something, and that kid wants to push your boundaries, they’re just going to keep pushing.
That’s where yelling comes in. Kids finally pay attention because they know that this is the boundary that can’t be pushed back on.
“They listen when a boundary is set and that boundary is set when you yell.”
If yelling is the only thing that works, does that mean parents should just skip the preamble and go straight to anger?
Well, no.
As Tia explains, it’s all about setting clear, easy to understand boundaries that don’t involve yelling. That way, kids will understand when they’ve pushed things as far as they can, and there’s no yelling involved.
“Parents who want to make changes need a clear and proven action plan, along with support and accountability.”
Inherent in her advice is the need to remain calm. Yelling often comes from an angry, frustrated place.
If parents are able to suppress this urge, their kids won’t ever have to see them yell, and thus won’t feel the need to push things to that final boundary.
Lots of parents shared their thoughts.
Yelling at your kids is kind of a time-honored tradition. Plenty of parents said it worked for them. But, as Tia asked them, is it really worth it? Does anyone enjoy losing their mind at their kids?
Some of the comments jumped the shark.
Here, a comment about the efficacy of yelling at kids turns into a light-hearted joke about, uh, physically punishing your kids.
Dads feel it too.
Kids will often identify the ‘good cop’ and ‘bad cop’ with their parents and try to play them accordingly. This is probably familiar to lots of parents.
Tia’s selling a book, btw.
She’s a qualified parenting coach and the book is likely full of great advice, but keep this in mind if you go to the TikTok comments looking for advice. Tia may respond, but will probably direct you to her book.
It’s all about consistency.
It can be hard to be consistent when your kids are causing you to have a meltdown, but ultimately it’s probably the best way to help your kids stay in line.
Parenting is hard work.
Any parent will tell you this, and there’s never a one-size-fits-all approach that’s guaranteed to work. Still, Tia raises some interesting points.
Make sure to check out her full TikTok below, and share your parenting stories in the comments!
