I don’t know about you guys, but I personally love spending a huge chunk of my time shamelessly enjoying some good ol’ tweets from the sassiest, yet classiest ladies of the internet.
If you’ve never indulged before, I strongly suggest you do. And luckily for you, I’ve gone ahead and compiled some of the best of the best, sassiest tweets that women have to offer into a nice little list for you.
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You’re welcome .
Don’t even lie, you do this too.
Look, you can shame us all you want but just wait until you make the mistake of starting a game of Monopoly right before bedtime and your children refuse to quit until they’ve conquered the board.
Well not tonight, junior, not when mamma’s the banker.
Can’t wait.
As sad as it is to admit, what usually gets me out of the bed in the morning is the sweet comfort of knowing in about 14 hours or so, I’ll be getting right back in there.
There seems to have been a misunderstanding.
I’m not sure children don’t hear us or if they simply don’t understand how time works but for some reason snacks need to be presented to them immediately or all hell breaks loose .
This is adulthood.
Look, I’m not saying I’ve reached this point in my life yet.
But I will say that when my favorite retailer stopped selling guacamole chips, I may have had a meltdown.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I also think I should be allowed to scream whenever something doesn’t go my way because we’re all pretty quick to forgive babies for doing that.
Please don’t ever do this.
I’ll like any post you share about your incoming offspring but please do not try to get me to follow some side account you’ve made pretending to be the baby inside your belly .
This is why people unfollow you, Cheryl.
It be like that.
I also wouldn’t hate to go back to a time where I also didn’t have a husband.
Not forever ! But, you know, for a little while. Relive the good days, etc.
Plus the kitchen has food so.
I would love to spend all day in the kitchen, to be perfectly honest. I would just sit in front of the fridge and eat cheese strings while scrolling through Instagram.
I still don’t see the insult.
Just drop it all.
You won’t believe how much better you’ll feel once you ditch that baggage. It’s like the ultimate weight loss hack.
It’s like Christmas.
I’m not saying you should regret getting married or anything. But let’s not get carried away with the “best day of our lives” nonsense.
Take it all.
In the words of Ivana Trump, “Don’t get mad, get everything .”
Listen to her. She’s been through a lot.
It’s time.
We’ve held off for long enough. We have the supplies, we know the plan. We’ve prepared for this.
Let’s roll, ladies.
Don’t tempt me.
I would love to be a step mom. You know who your dad’s going to listen to and side with and probably give all his money to? I’ll give you a hint: it’s not you.
Let’s stop this right now.
Let’s just all collectively agree not to praise adult men for doing the bear minimum and for showing that he is capable of doing something that most people have been doing since they had braces.
They don’t know what to do when you do that.
I tried it once and the guy literally walked right into me because he’d never experienced a game of street chicken where the woman didn’t immediately get out of his path.
I’m happy I could be his first.
That’s super helpful of you to offer!
More men should offer up their financial services this way. It’s much nicer than what they’re usually yelling on the streets.
Whoop there it is.
A man replied to this tweet and wrote, “But I pretend to be supportive so I can touch your boobs” so if you have any questions about the male species, there’s your answer.
Why are they all like that though?
You also have to buy thirty different women’s products just to do what one bottle of men’s will do.
And that’s why I have so many bottles in our shower while my boyfriend has one , but secretly uses mine.
Nope, that’s peak middle-age right there.
I like when a song I used to sing in high school comes on the radio and the host says it’s part of their “retro” playlist.
Good times.
Now they just refuse to eat whatever you make for them right to your face.
