A mom posted an interesting conundrum on Reddit. She explains that she and her husband have a baby boy. She also explains, crucially, that she has a brother (Dan), who doesn’t want kids and wants little, if anything, to do with anybody else’s kids, either.
While this is a pretty standard dynamic, she was shocked when her brother gave her a detailed list of rules she’d need to adhere to if she wanted dear old Uncle Dan in her life.
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She’s pretty understanding of Dan’s position, to a point.
She doesn’t think he needs to love kids, but she was floored by his list.
To start with, he doesn’t want to babysit , help with schoolwork, attend events with the kid, or be an emergency contact.
The list goes on and on.
Dan says he won’t attend any birthdays or life event stuff for OP’s kid. He doesn’t want the kid to attend family events like weddings, birthdays or Christmas, either.
Don’t call him ‘Uncle Dan’.
![Image credit: [deleted]](https://static.diply.com/h9piVkARo7dtgRm3Imy7.png)
Incredibly, this is on his list. He also doesn’t want OP to talk about her son. “If you even mention the kid, I’m hanging up on you,” he said.
OP writes that the list started off reasonably enough, but veered out of control around number seven (the bit about banning kids from family events).
OP says she tried to talk to her brother about his rules.
But he’s not wavering, even though he seems to want his sister back in his life.
“I told him that I love him but I think we need some space. That was nearly a year ago, and we’ve been low contact since. He now wants to reinstate the level of contact we always had, as we used to be close, but also wants his rules upheld,” she wrote.
No one was here for Dan’s BS.
While OP wrote that Dan and their mom felt he had a right to set boundaries, the folks on Reddit weren’t sympathetic. One Redditor wrote , “Tell Dan that he’s not allowed at any family function until HE reaches the mental age of a teenager.”
Other users concurred, with the general consensus being that Dan must be off his rocker to think that this list is reasonable.
“Sorry to tell you but i guess Dan won’t be attending any family events anytime soon,” the top commenter wrote . “Sorry for his loss. You’d be an idiot to not bring your own kid to family events because his adult uncle might throw an adult tantrum.”
“That’s absolutely absurd and completely narcissistic thinking on Dan’s part.”
Another user wrote that Dan must be crazy to think he can maintain a relationship with his sister while essentially banning her kid from all events.
“I’d tell Dan that having a relationship with him isn’t worth denying your son relationships and memories with the rest of my family,” they concluded.
OP added that her dad had tried to weigh in with a solution.
“Both of my parents have seen the list. My mother could take or leave the grandkids, TBH, but my dad wants a relationship with them,” she wrote .
“However, he seems to have accepted defeat already, as while he told me on the phone that he was on my side, he was also suggesting ways to appease them while still maintaining contact, eg my fiancé and I go to family gatherings without our son, and then my dad comes by a few days later to spend time with his grandson.”
Others suggested that family events might have to be planned in other ways.
“How about you host family events at your place, and invite specifically only your father and the other brother,” one person suggested . “Dan and your mom can entertain themselves.”
“Grandmother and selfish brother need to be out of main events. They can host their own alternative childfree xmas and other meet-ups if they want, just the two of them. But the rest of the family shouldn’t be bending over backwards to accomodate people who are being emotionally abusive to kids,” another agreed . “That’s setting them up for life with a terrible precedent on how they deserve to be treated.”
How would you handle this?
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to babysit. But Dan’s demands seem to go a little too far.
Let us know how you’d handle this difficult situation in the comments section.
