Guys…in the immortal words of Friends ‘ Rachel Green: “No uterus, no opinion.”
Shay Mitchell has been documenting her first pregnancy in a YouTube series. In the latest episode, her boyfriend, Matte, expressed a desire for her to give birth without an epidural.
Dude, what?!
The episode heavily involved Shay’s boyfriend, Matte.
It opened with a tired Shay and Matte talking about hemorrhoids.
“She just looked up what hemorrhoids look like,” Matt said.
“It was terrifying,” Shay confirmed.
Do not google what they look like if you know what’s good for you.
Matte had some interesting ideas about them.
“They can happen in labor if you don’t feel anything.”
“You’re not the one giving birth, okay?”
This is a great example of how little Matte understood about the pain involved in pregnancy and labor, as Shay demonstrated later.
Hemorrhoids are really the least of your worries when you’re pushing a human out of your body.
Shay set him straight.
“I’m just saying,” Matte continued, “some of the things you’re scared of can be eliminated, or potentially eliminated—”
Shay cut him off. “Giving birth without an epidural, or a couple of hemorrhoids. I’m gonna take the hemorrhoids.”
Queen of deciding what’s right for her own body!
Matte wouldn’t let it go, though.
“Why, honey? Thing is, you work out. No pain, no gain. You can handle it.”
“It’s not you,” she said, poking him repeatedly.
I’m gonna be real with you, Matte: she’s the only one who gets to say what she can handle.
Honestly, it kinda sounds like Matte doesn’t know how much work babies are.
For example, when Shay said they were going to a class to learn about things like changing diapers, Matte immediately commented, “Can’t be rocket science.”
Shay pointed out that they need to know sooner or later, since she was due in 8 weeks.
“I’d rather be prepared a little bit, since we have nothing else prepared.”
At the class, Matte continued to not know things. At all.
“He just picked up this baby and said ‘This is it comes out.’ No. This is obviously a bit bigger than what’s coming out, am I right?”
The coach confirmed she was, indeed, right.
Their teacher escorted them around their baby store.
Shay talked about not having been in a baby store before, and not being able to compartmentalize the thought that she’s having one.
The reason?
“I’m terrified of giving birth,” she said.
Matte chatted up the store clerk about his sister.
“I had a little sister who’s, like, 16 years younger than me. So I was around a baby, and then…”
“So babies don’t frighten you,” the clerk said.
“Yeah, not really.”
I suddenly understand why Matte thinks the way he does.
Matte also had some strong opinions on breastfeeding.
When Shay showed some aversion to breastfeeding and voiced not wanting to, Matte said:
“I’m against that. There are women who are against it, too. I’m just thinking, you have the innate ability to breastfeed and the kid latches, why wouldn’t you want the best for your baby?”
I feel like he doesn’t understand how clearly scared of pain she is.
Shay expressed how frustrated she was with him.
While on FaceTime, she said, “Breastfeeding with the whole epidural convo, I’m just like…I don’t know what I wanna do yet. All I know is that I just need Matte to silencio and give me a little bit of space so I can figure that out.”
She got frustrated with him not understanding her struggle.
She sat down with him the next day.
“You say no epidural, I say epidural.”
“Am I partial to no epidural? Yes. Why? Because I’m a hypochondriac, I’m afraid of drugs, my mom didn’t use an epidural, Lizzie didn’t—I meet women all the time who didn’t choose to use epidural.”
Oh my god I feel like screaming.
Shay was not having that at all.
“Would you get a root canal without any drugs?” She asked.
Matte rolled his eyes. He hated that analogy, even though tbh it’s a damn good one.
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“A root canal is not comparable because you’re not born to go through a root canal. As a woman, your body is genetically engineered to give birth.”
I can’t with this man.
She invited him to do it next time.
“I would love to, honey, I already said that,” he said.
“Oh you would love to?” She asked.
“I would love to do it. The miracle of birth, honey?”
Shay had something up her sleeve.
“Today’s your lucky day.”
She made him wear a baby belly.
Not only that, but she also put special patches on his stomach that would simulate “being kicked in your ribs over and over again,” as Shay put it.
And wouldn’t you know it, Matte was not into that idea.
“No way,” he said, over and over.
She then made him go on a hike.
The second she turned on the kicking app, he yelled.
He then tried to give up after barely wearing it.
But don’t worry—she made him keep it on the entire hike, and shocked him whenever she didn’t like what he was saying.
No uterus, no opinion.
