There’s a lot of noise and chatter out there on the internet, so it takes something a little special to break through. As best as I can tell, there are two ways to really make yourself known — you can either be ridiculously honest, or you can just make stuff up.
1. Man, I can’t even sneak an extra Fruit by the Foot without getting caught, and this person hid a whole dang house?
Also, how dare these people have a house made out of a garage that’s nicer than my place?
RELATED STORIES
2. Sometimes, the most honest thing you can do in the world is point out when someone else is totally full of it.
I don’t know if this person just got ridiculously lucky and grabbed this picture while the cat was sneezing, or if the cat actually looks like that. Honestly, I don’t know which I’d prefer.
3. Fixed the sign, boss.
That’s not even just a tense issue. That’s a whole grammar problem right there. Then again, I’m paying more attention to this sign than I normally would. So there’s no way I’m not going to be able to find the croutons now. So…mission accomplished?
4. I’ve never heard the argument for this wrong opinion stated so well.
With that being said, I actually don’t think I’ve ever eaten pineapple pizza. I’ve just kind of chosen a camp based on peer pressure. Y’know, because this is the internet and that’s what people do.
5. Sir, I would very much like to hear you play the guitar in such a way that your phone thinks it’s human speech.
There’s only so much of people stunting for the ‘Gram (or Facebook, I guess) that I’m prepared to tolerate. The point is, just be honest about it. Post a picture, caption it with the words “validate me,” and move on.
6. As refreshing as this is, I don’t think that this scam guy is going to have his job for very long.
Honestly, though, if someone was bold enough (or terrible enough at their job) to admit to the scam, I’d seriously consider sending them a tip.
7. The important thing to remember with lies is to keep them short and simple.
This dude’s going to end up arrested when he tries to rent a kid for a father-son picnic at the office.
8. The important thing, McDonald’s, is that you tried. You really did.
The astounding thing to me is that this tweet is still up. I understand not wanting to delete something with thousands of likes, but come on, guys.
9. But why, though?
Maybe it’s an ergonomic thing and I’m just being salty about it, but this really doesn’t even seem like enough glue to be worth buying in the first place.
10. Honesty may be the best policy, but that doesn’t stop the truth from hurting.
Also, in general, it’s wildly overrated how cute babies are. Not, like, chubby babies, but like when they’re first born and don’t do anything.
11. It’s becoming very clear to me in compiling these images that I’m super susceptible to getting scammed.
Like, I know that this is obviously a joke, but I would also be willing to send him $300 just to see what he sends me back.
12. If you don’t have standards, you’re just not looking after yourself.
I don’t even know how you’d end up matching with somebody who’s so clearly operating on a different plane of existence.
13. Just check out this ridiculous gaslighting frying pan.
It’s just staring us in the face, insisting that it’s telling the truth, with all the evidence right there in front of us. This frying pan is like the Shaggy song “It Wasn’t Me,” but, y’know, as a frying pan.
14. Where’s the lie?
You know exactly the person I’m talking about. She’s got her hair pulled back really tight. Her boyfriend plays bass in a metal band. Her name’s probably Shauna. You know her.
15. This dude must take a lot of pride in his Facebook profile photo.
Haters will say it’s photoshopped. Haters will also point out that he didn’t even bother to find a second picture of a lion, he just flipped the first one.
16. Real talk — the main reason that I had kids was so that they could go to school and bring those flyers back home.
We actually got a dinosaur excavating kit from one and it was probably the best day of my life.
17. I’m honestly hoping that he sent this tweet from inside a Red Lobster.
Somehow, the circuity of that whole situation would just make me happy. Also, I seriously hope Grandma made it out of that situation unscathed.
18. It’s kind of weird that it’s now considered rude to talk about things like science in polite company.
Also, if I ever become a drag queen, my name will absolutely be Auntie Vaxxer.
19. Because optical illusions are just lies for your eyes.
It’s pretty indecent that they actually glued a dog to a wall just for a few likes on the internet. Shameful, really.
20. Okay, first of all, how dare you?
So, I did a little digging and, for whatever it’s worth, Apple isn’t actually selling these, it’s an aftermarket product. So I guess that’s one less thing to be mad about today.
21. Perspective is everything, I guess.
I’m definitely of the body shape and self-esteem level that anybody who posts pictures like this with captions like this (baby or not) immediately becomes my enemy.
22. Who’s out here taking pictures like this of their dad?
Also, what kind of self-respecting father takes care of his body that well? They literally call them dad bods. Stop making the rest of us look bad, guy who’s probably named Jake.
23. To be fair, this wouldn’t be the first time I was bamboozled by a dolphin.
There’s a long story there, but basically it ends with me being escorted out of SeaWorld and being politely — but firmly — asked to never come back.
24. Forget the Bey-hive. Now it’s time for the Me-hive.
Hold on, I’ll finish the rest of this in a second. I need to just go print that sentence on a bunch of pillows and basically win Etsy. Brb.
