You know the cringe emoji? I’m that right now.
Dakota Johnson appeared on Ellen recently, and it honestly has to be one of the most awkward things I’ve ever seen. Thankfully, the Internet is here to provide the jokes this interview was sorely lacking.
Ellen started off by wishing Dakota a happy belated birthday.
And then it immediately got awkward.
“October 4th. You turned 30. And how was the party? I wasn’t invited,” Ellen began.
Why does this feel like an awkward conversation you’d have with a distant aunt at Thanksgiving?
Dakota disagreed.
“Actually, no. That’s not the truth, Ellen. You were invited.”
Okay! So, instead of just letting the joke rest, we’re gonna go ahead and do this, huh?
Alright. Here we go.
Dakota then recalled her visit to the show last year.
“When I was on the show last year, you gave me a bunch of [expletive] about inviting you, but I didn’t even know you wanted to be invited.”
I feel like there’s a Hollywood rule that you should invite Ellen to everything, just in case.
I didn’t order this amount of awkward.
“Well, who wouldn’t want to be invited to a party?” Ellen said, and genuinely meant it.
Dakota then countered with something kind of sad: she actually didn’t know if Ellen liked her.
MY SOCIAL ANXIETY FEELS THIS.
Ellen was baffled.
“Of course I like you! You know I liked you! You’ve been on the show many times, and don’t I show…like?”
Dakota agreed that Ellen definitely did “show like,” so no worries.
Things got a little more confusing.
“This time, you invited me? Are you sure? How do you know? I don’t think so,” Ellen questioned.
I think Dakota’s sheer seriousness told Ellen she was about to be the one in the wrong here.
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Trust me when I say the audience gasped here.
“Ask everybody.” That’s where the aforementioned audience gasp was. “Ask Jonathan, your producer. Yeah, he’s right there!”
She pointed out Jonathan. Ellen asked him why she didn’t go.
Good luck, Jonathan.
Apparently, Ellen was out of town.
She finally recovered the comedy of it all, thank God:
“Oh yeah, I had that thing!” she exclaimed, clearly trying to change the subject.
Hearing the audience laugh was like a balm for the soul at that point. Whew.
Ellen thanked her for the invite.
“No, I think I do remember. I was invited. Thank you,” Ellen said.
And cue all of us relaxing that the awkwardness was temporarily over.
Now, over to you, Internet: what are your thoughts?
I said “temporarily.”
You know when it rains, it pours?
Things got awkward again when they started discussing their mutual friend, comedian Tig Notaro.
“She’s my favorite comedian!” Dakota said to literal comedian Ellen DeGeneres.
The audience wasn’t impressed.
Dakota added, “other than you,” which Ellen was totally fine with.
“I was just talking to my favorite actress the other day,” Ellen said. “Jen Aniston.”
“Gosh, this isn’t going well,” Dakota said, which is the tea.
And now, over to the internet:
The misunderstandings, the awkward silences, the unsureness if the other person likes you? Yeah, that sounds like a first date.
Too bad Ellen and Dakota have known each other for a few years now. Yikes.
I think this is true.
I mean, things probably got a little awkward backstage, but they’re obviously still going to be friends.
They’ve now also guaranteed they have lifetime invites to each other’s birthday parties, at the very least.
This is ROUGH.
I am deceased. I guess some people are a little over Ellen at this point.
Before, I was the cringe emoji. Now, I’m that gif of Chrissy Teigen cringing at the Oscars.
You can watch the whole interview here.
Please join me in experiencing the pauses, the confusion, and the general awkwardness in all its HD glory.
Guys, seriously. Watch it. I can’t be alone with all of that by myself.
