Listen. Regardless of your circumstances, life is what you make it. We can get into some nuanced discussion about capitalism and the fall of the middle class, but unless you’re Anderson Cooper, you probably won’t care. The bottom line is, if you look at everything through rose-tinted glasses, you’re probably going to be much happier.
Whether or not your happiness is based on complete falsehoods isn’t really an issue…unless you make it one. I know many people currently living in a state of unwavering denial, and they seem pretty content.
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The key to being happy is pretending you’re not unhappy. Remember that next time you walk into that job you hate, converse with people you loathe, or come home to that empty apartment where you take your depression naps.
1. This gives the term food baby a whole new meaning.
This is what happens when you mix creativity with persistence and a dash of student debt. Just because you can’t afford movie theater popcorn doesn’t mean you can’t do date night right.
2. I think I just decided how I’m going to spend my retirement.
I mean, his costume needs a little work, but he has the right idea. Who needs yoga to relax and unwind, when there’s goat impersonation on the table?
3. How to fix your mistake while making it worse — in one simple step.
Just in case you forgot, your tattoos will probably last longer than your relationship with the waitress at Benihana, so choose your ink wisely, or you might as well get “stupid” inked across your forehead.
4. Apparently, video games can be used for more than just a coping mechanism for severe social anxiety.
Amazingly, they are also a matchmaking service for lifelong friendships and bromances!
5. Getting matchy matchy with your lover is way overrated.
Unless your lover is an adorable furry creature with four paws, a tail, and a wet snout. In which case, all outfits should either complement each other’s or match completely.
6. By the end of college, you don’t even end up going to parties at all.
In fact, you just spend most of your time, hanging around your house in your pjs binge eating to the saddest soundtrack possible.
7. Who needs a suit when you have pants, an extra set of hands, and a little creativity?
Talk about breaking down economic barriers! Apparently, you don’t need to be decked out in Armani to look profesh-to-death. Snaps all around.
8. Screw malware. A questionable search history is clearly the superior form of cyber security.
Plus, you can get a little creative with your searches, maybe live out a few fantasies. I don’t know. Anything is possible.
9. Lord of the Rings fans, rejoice.
This punny caption is a great example of someone well-versed in popular culture spotting an opportunity for a bit of humor and seizing it.
“‘You miss 100 % of the shots you don’t take.’ —Michael Jordan” —Michael Scott
10. Inner thighs are good for two things: smuggling prohibited goods and supporting a heaping plate of Chinese takeout while watching The Good Wife.
If you don’t agree, you’ve probably been using your thighs wrong all your life.
11. I wish I thought of this trick long ago.
For instance, one of my colleagues is probably talking to me right now, trying to convince me to buy chocolate for her son’s school, or cursing me out for eating the communal croissants. Colleagues are no fun for anyone.
12. Being old doesn’t mean you have to be boring.
If you’re over the hill but aren’t dead enough inside to play bingo, checkers, or shuffleboard, try photography. It allows you to be creative, comedic, and maybe even famous.
13. At least she has friends.
Friends come in all shapes, sizes, and age ranges. Just because Grandma is heading back to a nursing home doesn’t mean she can’t party with the best of them. Rock on, gran gran!
14. Finally! Someone found a good use for all of those soda can tabs I never donated because I’m a lazy piece of human garbage.
Some people donate these to build wheelchairs for children. Others just roll around town setting off metal detectors.
15. There’s nothing wrong with being confident.
There’s bragging, and then there’s knowing your worth. You know what they say: “If you got it, flaunt it.” Slay on, queen. Slay on.
16. This is either coincidence or fate. Either way, it’s completely unacceptable.
Have you ever heard of Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match.com, Bumble, or Christian Mingle? Some people try so hard to be different.
17. At least she’s out having some fun, instead of sitting at home annoying the neighbors with her awful tambourine skills.
Let’s get real. The only reason why tambourines are still a thing is so that the eye candy of the group can have something to do with their hands.
18. I see no bad news, only good news.
Dressing dogs up like humans is one of the most underrated things in life. I mean, they are basically family, so why not dress them as such?
19. No gym necessary for this transformation.
As long as there is no gym involved, I’m game. I’m always down for a good shortcut. Plus, just think about how easy it would be to keep your breath smelling fresh.
20. If this doesn’t make you at least a little bit ridiculously happy, then you’re a monster and I hate you.
Honestly, this tweet is the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m serious.
21. Don’t hate. Your old man has style.
I like a man who can put together an outfit and accessorize. It shows creativity and versatility. Anyone who disagrees is definitely 100% jealous.
22. Is this not why people procreate in the first place?
Kids offer pretty much nothing to the family unit, so if your mom asks you to take a few photos of her while she’s feelin’ fine, you snap away.
23. Just because you lose your arm, it doesn’t mean you have to lose your sense of humor.
If you’ve got a good sense of humor, flaunt it. If you can get on board with the latest viral meme, do it! Internet stardom is what we all long for anyway.
24. No one is forever alone, even when they are actually alone.
Being happy means loving yourself first. Unless you’re like me. In which case, you won’t even spend time with yourself because you are shrill, annoying, and cripplingly overbearing.
