Many times in a marriage, things are 50/50. But, there are those times when people get busy with other things like work, or their mental health, or kids, and in turn things become less of an equal share, and more like one person is taking on the load.
When a couple marries and has kids, it’s an agreement to be a partnership.
Most couples will argue that getting married and having kids is a silent way of saying, “we’re in this together.”
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However, sometimes one person drops the ball.
Far too often, women take on the load of the work in the home and allow their husbands to take a backseat.
Even working wives do this.
The old stereotype of the “houswife” just seems to stay in many men’s mind.
Recently, one mom posted a scathing Facebook rant about why women should hold their husbands accountable.
Cate Nelson shared some strong words from an anonymous mother, who had a lot to say to those kinds of working moms that let everything slide.
She said she sees a “trend.”
“On every page I follow, in every parent group I am in, I see the same thing: mothers talking about how exhausted they are, how hurt they are by the imbalance of work in their heterosexual relationships.”
The mom said “all of the problems are the same.”
“The problems are all some variation of ‘I just gave birth/am up half the night breastfeeding. Why do I have to also make dinner and clean while my spouse watches TV?’
And, the advice is the same.
“The advice is always the same: Be gentle with yourself. You can’t do it all. Parenthood is hard.
Blah blah blah.”
But, she had some different advice.
“I don’t know which of you needs to hear this, but I’ll give you some better advice: Divorce his ass.
This cultural norm where a man buys his free time with his partner’s labor, suffering, and sometimes with the literal destruction of her body is misogyny on steroids.”
She said it’s not “being a man” to be lazy.
“Men are not innately incompetent or lazy or incapable of doing their fair share. Tell that jackass to get off the golf course, get his ass home, get up in the middle of the night with the baby, and start earning the right to stay married.”
She said that when a man WANTS to help out, he will.
“And remind him that not all men are this way, and that a dude who doesn’t do his fair share is not exactly a prize. He is replaceable. Lazy men who think you should have to work 168 hours a week while they work 40 are easy to find.
If my spouse can pull his weight while litigating police and prison death cases and dealing with the unending horror of our current legal system, then your Johnny Do Nothing husband can manage to get up with the damn baby and stop blaming your postpartum depression on your woman hormones.”
She broke it down quite simply.
“If he gets free time and you don’t, if he gets to sleep and you don’t, if you have to do the grunt work and he doesn’t, guess what. It’s not an accident. He knows exactly what he is doing. Division of labor imbalances in marriage are a form of spousal abuse.
Stop making excuses for sh*tty men.”
I think we can all agree with this one here.
Stop making excuses and find someone who will STEP UP.
