Sleeping in is an incredible luxury, but it’s exactly that: a luxury.
There’s nothing quite like having zero responsibilities on a Saturday morning and just staying cozy and dozy for hours in bed. But the key there is “zero responsibilities.”
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As we grow older, we collect responsibilities as much as we do wrinkles, and we shouldn’t expect to keep on sleeping until noon every weekend.
One woman’s husband hadn’t gotten that memo and after a very trying ordeal, she decided to ban sleeping-in entirely.
![Image credit: Reddit | [deleted]](https://static.diply.com/MnvbwOSESdGxGboSglmO.png)
His reaction prompted her to turn to the Reddit community r/AmItheAsshole for help figuring out who was actually in the wrong that day.
Having created her account specifically to ask the question anonymously, she has since deleted the username, so for clarity I’ll call her M for Mom, and her husband D for Dad.
M starts by explaining that D used to work an overnight shift on weekends.
Since then, he’s been in the habit of staying in bed until noon or later every Saturday and Sunday. Even if he wakes up earlier, he won’t get out of bed.
Though it’s been a few years since he worked late or overnight shifts, the habit has stuck and he “would throw a fit if [M] woke him up.”
However, the couple has a two-year-old daughter and toddlers aren’t known for being quiet.
So M has taken to leaving the house with their daughter those mornings so that he can sleep.
This was already pretty annoying for her, but things came to a head when their daughter fell and broke her arm at the playground.
“This is the first time seeing my daughter in pain like this so I was kind of distraught and panicking and I called my husband a few times first before calling [911].”
She continued to attempt to reach him throughout the trip to the hospital, while their daughter was being treated, and when it was time to leave.
Finally, M called her sister, who picked them up and took them to her house.
It wasn’t until noon that D finally got up and checked his phone, which he said had been on vibrate the whole time. When he came to get them, M told him the whole story and “the first thing he said was ‘you’re not blaming me are you?'”
“I wasn’t, but he’s a grown man sleeping in when he doesn’t need to, and even when his child was in pain and in the hospital he didn’t pick up.”
Though his phone was on vibrate, most people know that’s hardly silent, especially if the phone is sitting on a hard surface, like a nightstand. Not noticing it at first might make sense, but multiple calls over multiple hours is pushing credibility.
Finally, she said that she didn’t want him sleeping in anymore at all and he got angry.
“He told me I was being unreasonable and it wasn’t his fault he didn’t know, and went to basically blame me for not watching over our daughter properly.”
M says that her sister understood why she was angry, but thought he wasn’t really to blame.
“I’m conflicted, and I may be the asshole for being angry with him, but I don’t know if I am for wanting him to stop sleeping in? Am I an asshole for wanting this.”
The consensus was a resounding *no*.
“It’s not wrong for your husband to lie in, but he’s a parent and a husband now, and is Next of Kin for you both. You and your daughter both should not have found him unreachable in an emergency, especially for 4 hours straight. What would have happened if you’d been hurt too?” said RedditGoldDigga.
When asked if she gets any equivalent time to herself, M explained that once up, he’ll take care of their daughter so that she can do some chores.
So no. She doesn’t get equivalent time.
“While you do some chores does not count,” said D-Juice. “You’re not his childminder and housekeeper. If he wants his lie-ins he has to make up the time he steals from you to have them.”
The closest she got to a negative response was someone selecting “Everyone Sucks.”
Robred115 said , “ESH. He’s sleeping in on his day off. It’s perfectly reasonable for him to do. BUT it is unacceptable for him to not pick up his phone during an emergency involving your child. Tell him to turn his ringer on. I feel like tht [ sic ] will solve most of the issues.”
Which really seems to be the crux of the matter. The sleeping in isn’t necessarily the real problem and M banning it is unlikely to solve the underlying issue.
If sleeping in on weekends is so important to D, then he should be willing to give M similar time to herself to do whatever she wants.
Additionally, his phone should never be off or he should enable the feature that makes specific numbers — such as M’s cellphone — ring no matter what.
Sleeping in didn’t make D the asshole in this situation, but his refusal to allow communication during an emergency and his willingness to blame M for the accident does.
What do you think of this situation? Give us your two cents in the comments.
