You would not believe the lengths I go to in order to avoid other people.
Seriously, you’d think I was professionally trained. I’m only like, one level away from straight-up back-flipping away from someone I know before they’ve even had a chance to see me and try to strike up an unwanted conversation.
If you’re also the kind of person who actively avoids interacting with other people, I think you’re really going to enjoy these quotes.
It’s my only option at this point.
Look, I basically speed-walk from my car to the front door, and you still think I want to stop and chit-chat? No, this has got to stop.
My house will be going up for sale tomorrow.
My one true talent.
One way to really avoid that chatty neighbor is to figure out their routine so you can time your comings-and-goings.
That way, you can make sure they fall perfectly in between the neighbor’s gardening hour, and that random hour every day where they just sit on their porch and watch the street.
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Avoiding people can be a really good workout.
My heart rate not only spikes when I realize I’ve just seen someone I know, also while I’m shuffle-running away from them.
My FitBit congratulates me on a “great workout” every time it happens.
In that order.
As soon as someone spots me at the store, all bets are off.
I’m going to have to spend the next half an hour standing with them in the middle of the condiments aisle, our carts very inconveniently blocking other shoppers’ paths so they can throw me dirty looks while I helplessly listen to the other person ramble on about their sister’s best friend’s ailing dog.
