“It’s hard out here for a pimp.”
I heard someone say that at a Seattle Supersonics game in 1997. The Vancouver Grizzlies were in town that night and the Supersonics won by 11. The line stuck with me ’til today. I had just got out of a rough relationship with my ex, she loved blackjack and Las Vegas nightlife more than she loved her family, so I cut her loose and drove the kids and I to Seattle where my mother lived at the time. It took 32 years, but I am learning to understand that in life, no one’s loyal and that’s the sad truth. My mom died the following year, the Grizzlies played their last game in Vancouver in 2001 before moving to Memphis, and the Supersonics relocated to Oklahoma for the 2008-09 season. Nothing lasts forever. C’est la vie.
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It’s hard out here for a pimp…but I’m getting by alright.
1. Two can play that game.
Just once, I want a couple who realize they’ve been cheating on each other say, “wait, you were player two?”
I have a feeling that’s not gonna catch on, though.
2. Even the cafeteria lady ain’t turning a blind eye anymore.
I suppose that just coughing up the dollar once you’re caught is out of the question? You know, like a little “you caught me” tax?
3. Stop filling your bag with only 10 chips!
Verified
I’ve heard people worry about terrible futures where they charge us for air, but what they don’t realize is that it’s already here.
4. Can trust him with the nukes, but not with the former Prime Minister of Denmark, Helle Thorning-Schmidt.
I imagine someone Photoshopped that crown on, but I’d like to think it just appeared.
5. I’d say this more than makes up for it.
6. The machines ain’t loyal.
7. Damn! Harvard is savage AF!
8. This anonymous bro is a great bro. Too bad I piss sitting down and saw this note three months after I married her.
9. “Which one of Y’ALL ain’t loyal to the flag?”
10. These three bitches in particular are quite loyal. Well done.
11. How will y’all go platinum on your next albums without a cheating scandal, though?
12. While America goes crazy over Kaepernick disrespecting the flag, fast food giants are out here doing this shit.
13. When you think your black pants will hide your butt sweat, only to be betrayed
14. Parades around like a lunatic when school starts. Cries uncontrollably when you go away for college.
Moms ain’t loyal.
15. Still loyal…technically.
16. God, I love local newspapers.
17. When you take your nail polish off and it looks like your just cleaned performed intensive stomach surgury
18. Still not as bad as paying to watch the Braves play.
19. I remember this episode. Brings back such great memories of my childhood.
20. This woman’s trust in satire internet articles is entirely too high. We must break it.
21. Perforated line, my ass. Ruins my midday snack every time.
22. When you try to live your life and the world craps on you
That is one very sad, sad kebab.
