Families branch out into large family trees over generations that are filled with new babies, in-laws and even non-blood family.
No family is quite the same and not everyone has the same expectations for their own family.
When someone new comes along and marries into a family they weren’t born into, it can be both an exciting and perhaps even tense experience, as it’s often unfamiliar territory for everyone involved.
New branches of a family tree don’t always grow as planned.
It can be a joy to see loved ones get married and begin building another arc in the extended family story.
However, not all transitions go smoothly. Sometimes big families get in big arguments.
There are some cases when families don’t see eye to eye.
While everyone usually has good enough intentions, there are definitely cases when lines are crossed and families are divided. This can be particularly evident when certain members don’t feel cared for or considered.
One mother’s soon-to-be sister-in-law didn’t seem to be playing fair when it came to the invite list for her big day.
For that mother, everything was going fine and well with her brother’s upcoming wedding, until she learned that children were banned from attending.
Feeling slighted, she took to Reddit’s popular r/AmITheAsshole section to get the verdict on whether she handled the situation reasonably.
Apparently having to leave the kiddos at home was a big no-go for this passionate mom.
As she wrote online , “I have about 3 other sisters and we all have kids as do most of my cousins at this point… Once I found out they wanted to make it childfree I began to lose interest in going to the wedding.”
To be fair, it’s not just one evening of festivities the woman would have to find a babysitter for — it’s four.
As she explained in her post, the happy couple has apparently planned an extensive itinerary over the span of four days which includes six events, all stated to be strictly child-free.
It’s safe to say the itinerary was the last straw for this frustrated mom who decided the wedding simply wasn’t worth attending if her kids couldn’t come with her.
As it turns out, she wasn’t the only one feeling a little less than zealous about the event.
In fact, her decision to ditch the festivities sparked a movement of sorts.
“After I dropped out, my other sisters got the courage to drop out as well as they also have toddlers they didn’t want to leave behind for a couple of days,” she wrote. “Then my cousins began declining to come as well.”
Of course, leading a boycott of her own brother’s wedding hasn’t exactly gone over very well.
“Now it has become a huge deal in the family and caused a lot of drama,” the woman explained. “My brother has called me and yelled at me saying that I was the one who caused all the problems.”
Being away from their kids for days and finding babysitters was a deal breaker for these family members, but not because they didn’t support the wedding.
Apparently, the wedding wasn’t the issue — the no child rule was.
“I’m fine with her having a childfree wedding, I just don’t want to be a part of it if it means being away from my kids for days,” this mom explained.
When her brother called to change her mind, she explained “I was firm when I told him I wasn’t going to his wedding unless I could bring my kids and that all our sisters/cousins pretty much felt the same way.”
It’s important to note here that this “no children allowed” rule wasn’t her brother’s idea.
Apparently only her future sister-in-law felt the restriction was necessary, or so the woman said in her Reddit post .
“I know for a fact my brother was okay with having kids at the wedding, its the norm in our family and he loves his nieces/nephews,” she wrote. “It’s my SIL who wants this to be a childfree thing against the wishes of like 95% of our family…My brother is just supporting her to make her happy.”
Believe it or not, things got even more complicated.
With most of the family suddenly opting out of the wedding over the no-child rule, even the woman’s parents were getting turned off from attending.
Which is unfortunate for their future daughter-in-law, since they’re supposed to be paying for half the wedding.
Looks like this bride isn’t off to a great start with the new in-laws.
As the disgruntled woman explained in her post, her parents have indeed been footing the bill for half of the couple’s wedding day, and they aren’t happy to hear that so many members of their own family won’t even be attending now.
“They were already somewhat against the idea of a childfree wedding in the first place and have now started pressuring SIL to not make it childfree,” the woman explained.
However, the bride is refusing to budge.
After all, it’s her big day, so if she’s decided she doesn’t want kids there, she’s not about to just change her mind to satisfy her in-laws, no matter how much they’ve contributed to the wedding fund.
“My SIL refuses to meet in the middle and says the wedding will remain childfree, but she’s also mad at all of us for not coming,” the woman fumed online. “She also still expects my parents to help pay for it, which I doubt they’ll do at this point.”
So she asked Reddit, is she an asshole for refusing to attend, and essentially convincing others to boycott as well?
The Reddit jury has spoken.
People had a lot to say, and unfortunately for this mom, most of them are not on her side.
One person wrote, “YTA (You’re The Asshole) because you don’t seem to know what ‘meet in the middle’ means. She wants HER wedding to be child free. You want HER wedding to not be child free. You think she won’t “meet in the middle” because she’s not changing to what you want.”
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Another person added, “Yeah, I don’t get how ‘childfree wedding’ translates into, ‘I’d have to leave the kids at home.’ And if OP is going to complain about spending money to bring kids to the location, they’d have to spend that money if the kids were invited. There’s really barely any difference. Everyone brings their kids. A couple of cousins or family friends take turns with child care while the rest go to the wedding. Trust me, as a kid, I hated having to go to weddings. Hanging out at a hotel pool would be so much more appealing to me.”
However, there were some that came to this mom’s defense.
Some people were very passionate about supporting this mom’s standpoint.
“I don’t know why I have to explain why it’s an issue to ask people to find childcare for three days when they’ve travelled out of state to come to your wedding,” one user commented. “This seems blatantly obvious to me. To be honest, I think it’s incredibly rude to invite people to a wedding they have to travel for but say no children.”
Others came to the mother’s defense as well and reasoned that she and the other family members opting out had good reason.
Let us know what you think in the comments and if you stand with or against this mom’s final verdict!
h/t: Reddit
