I don’t know about y’all, but I can’t say I’ve ever received a package that wasn’t meant for me. Mail, sure, but not a whole package.
I’ve always pictured it being like when you find someone’s lost dog. You know you have to give it back, but it’s still hard to let go when the owner shows up.
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Instead, I should start imagining those packages as the things on this list. That’ll make me give ’em up real quick.
1. Uh, I’m not sure if I should be relieved that Ruby always wants her to come back or even more worried.
I’m all for praising her vivid imagination, but I’m sure her parents would like to skip the step where she starts walking on the ceiling.
2. Props to these people if this car is supposed to be here, but I have the strange feeling that it’s not.
You might ask where the driver is if that’s true, but I can appreciate why they’d rather run than try to explain how this happened.
3. Somebody obviously put a lot of work into this, but I can definitely tell it feels really weird to bite into.
I don’t know, maybe some remnant of my inner child is drawing a line in the sand and saying this involves too many vegetables.
4. I know I said it’s surprisingly hard to give somebody’s lost dog back, but I think we can make a big exception in this case.
Obviously, everyone who isn’t its best buddy needs to be eliminated. I’m not intimidated, I’m just respecting its wishes.
5. I’d love to see what size they think this is, because if it says “S,” I think that might actually stand for “stilts.”
I’m guessing they were so long that she had to take her mirror out of the frame? Unless there’s a headless aesthetic I don’t know about.
6. I’m not sure what logic dictates that abandoned phone booths need to be filled with bread, but whatever.
Now I know that if somebody tries to offer me “phone-aged bread,” I should avoid them like the plague.
You know, unlike those totally legitimate randos offering food to strangers for free.
7. I’ve been trying, but the only explanation I can think of is that somebody just loves singing full operas while peeing.
And if that’s not a nightmare scenario for whoever gets stuck at the urinal next to them, I don’t know what is.
8. Well, the silver lining here is that we have two bread-based buzzwords to avoid for the price of one.
Remember how I said “phone-aged” bread is no good? Well, beware of “protein-infused” bread too, because I’m pretty sure this is all that really means.
9. Now, now. The pizza doesn’t redirect you to a virus when you buy it, so let’s not totally go nuts here.
Because even though this pizza is extremely disappointing, it’s still pizza and therefore deserves a modicum of respect.
10. Yikes! The lion may be the king of the jungle, but I’m pretty sure this is way outside of its jurisdiction.
I’m not gonna be the one to tell it that it’s causing an international incident, though. Y’all can go ahead and have fun with that.
11. I guess that would explain why this photo didn’t immediately get deleted.
But, to be fair, we can’t call it a fact unless we know for sure that the guy said, “Yup, that’s perfect, thanks” when he got his phone back from the photographer.
Even then, he could always say he was just being sarcastic.
12. Oh yeah, this is no big deal. He was just riding something you need to stay balanced on to avoid horribly injuring yourself.
If that should tell you anything, it’s that suddenly surprising him with a swarm of bugs is A-OK. Especially the obstructed vision aspect of it.
13. Uh…yeah. Plushes are fun and everything, but there’s a reason why they’re usually an indoor decoration.
Don’t get me wrong, the whole “not a witch’s trap like that gingerbread house” aesthetic is great. I just think those things will get a little moldy when it rains.
Totally the only reason.
14. Before anyone gets mad, I’m not saying this perfectly lovely doggo has to go back to the nowhere it came from for long.
Honestly, I just need a few minutes without it staring intently into my eyes so my kidneys can get over their stage fright.
15. Somehow, I don’t think this person will find comfort in the fact that they don’t have to exchange insurance information with themselves.
Especially since that might actually happen if they use different companies for their house and car. I bet both companies would be suppressing giggles.
16. I just hope these people don’t have the guts to try to charge extra for the spider.
I mean, I’m flexible. If they throw in the antivenom I’ll probably need when that thing inevitably bites me, we’ll talk.
God, I’m such a sucker.
