Sometimes when we choose to spend our lives with someone, our family doesn’t necessarily agree with our choice. Many times when this happens, it can cause a rift in our families. When our parents don’t agree with our choice of spouse, it can not only put a strain on our relationship with them, but it can make our spouse feel uncomfortable, too.
When we decide to bring children into the world with our partners, not having parental support can also make for an uncomfortable dynamic.
If our parents aren’t happy with our choice of spouse, how can we be sure they will act appropriately in front of our children, too? It’s hard to say.
Recently, one father wrote into Reddit’s subreddit, r/AmItheAsshole, seeking advice on what to do about his own mother, who was putting him in an uncomfortable situation.
The father asked the Reddit community if he was in the wrong for refusing to allow his mother to see his two-month-old baby after she disowned him for marrying an older, single mom.
He shared the backstory of how he met his wife with the Reddit community.
“I (M27) met my now wife (F35) who was a single parent with three kids. She was 8 years older than me and we met when I came home. We started dating I met her kids and they seemed so sweet and we got along pretty well and I felt relieved because I was worrying too much my stepkids wouldn’t like me but I’m grateful to have met them and their mother,” he said.
When he told his mother about who he was dating, she wasn’t a fan of his choice.
“My mom went crazy when I told her. She started arguing a lot. Telling me that marrying a single mother who’s older than me wasn’t going to happen, she got the whole family to agree with her,” he said.
His mom even tried to set him up on dates with other women.
“And tried pressuring me into going out with someone from the church who’s nearly the same age as me. I got fed up with this and I left after I told her no and that I was going to get married to my now wife with or without their approval,” he said.
After their argument and her son’s decision, the mother texted him letting him know the family was completely done with him.
“My mom casually sent me a text the next day that she and the entire family disowned me and that I will never be allowed to come home after that then everyone blocked me and refused to talk to me,” he wrote.
Shortly after being “disowned,” the Reddit user and his now-wife got married and welcomed a baby girl into their blended family.
“My wife and I got married two months after I left home. We’ve now been married for two years and we have a two-months-old [ sic ] baby girl. She’s the only girl with three boys so she was a sweet new addition to our family,” he said.
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However, after his daughter was born, he started getting calls from a random number that ended up being his mother.
“Last week. I started receiving calls from a number that I didn’t recognize til I found out it was my mom. She knew that my wife and I had a baby girl and wanted to see her saying that my daughter is her grandbaby that she has a biological connection to,” he said.
It turns out a family friend leaked the news of the new baby to the Reddit user’s mom.
However, the new dad wasn’t ready to make amends with his mom and family after how they treated his wife.
“I spoke with my friend who admitted telling my family about our newborn and how the whole family was excited to meet her. My sister reached out to me after I refused to let my mom visit and told me that I was being cruel and unfair to her for not wanting her to see her grandbaby. She told me that I shouldn’t forget that my daughter is family and that will never change no matter what,” he said.
The dad asked the Reddit community if his decision is wrong and if they believed he was acting like an “asshole” for keeping his mother out of his life.
One person said that he definitely is not an asshole.
“Your mother disowned you and organized the rest of the family against you to try to prevent you from being with your wife. You don’t owe her or them anything,” they said.
Other Reddit users agreed that this dad didn’t owe his family anything after how they reacted to his relationship with his wife.
One user suggested reminding the family of their past behavior.
“Also remind them that they insulted this baby’s mother and went out of their way to attempt to prevent her from existing,” they said.
Another Reddit user added that his wife would be vulnerable after giving birth and he should protect her and his family.
“Your wife is two months postpartum and very vulnerable. Do not let your toxic mother into your lives right now. Maybe when the kid is older you can revisit if you’re really feeling guilty, but absolutely not now,” they said.
The Reddit user also speculated that his mother had ulterior motives.
Responding to a comment on his post, the user said he suspected that his mother was reaching out purely to see his new daughter, but had no intention of building a relationship with the rest of his family.
“She’s just using this to guilt-trip me into letting her see my daughter, I doubt she even wants a relationship with my wife and step-kids,” he said.
Overwhelmingly, Reddit users said that this new dad was not an asshole for how he handled the situation.
Many users agreed that his mother was being manipulative based on her past behavior.
What do you think? Should this user make amends with his mom, or is the relationship over for good?
