The movies always seem to show the same kind of love. The at-first-sight, opposites-attract, conquers-all sort of love that real life never really matches.
Real life tends to prove that the things romance novels and movies preach are more akin to passion than actual love. Love is quieter, but it’s stronger for it.
RELATED STORIES
So get ready for some true love with these answers to the question Reddit user RonnyJohnnyJohn asked: “How do you know you’re in love?”
“When you could spend hours in their company and still miss them as soon as they leave.” —WitchoftheWilde
This is so true.
As an introvert, I need a lot of “me time,” and it is a rare person I can spend tons of time with and yet not feel mentally drained by the end of it.
If you’re like me and you find someone who can share your space comfortably for hours on end, cherish them whether they’re a best friend or a romantic partner.
“You know long after it’s gone.” —LessShirt3.
“Oh, maybe that was it,” they add .
Most of the answers to the question were happy and heartwarming, but this one hit the hardest with its honesty.
We like to believe that we’ll know exactly when we’ve found the right person, but life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes we aren’t mature enough to recognize it yet, or maybe we don’t know how to keep that love alive.
Sometimes we only realize what we’ve lost long after its gone.
“When even the things that suck — illness, car problems, putting together IKEA furniture, etc. — become bearable with them around.” —Insertcaffeine
They elaborated , “I missed most of my 34th birthday party because my then-boyfriend (now fiancé!) had gotten in a car accident. A truck dropped a chunk of concrete. He ran it over, it shredded his undercarriage. No injuries, thank goodness.
While Twin Bro was partying it up at the beer garden with our guests, I was waiting at a gas station for a tow truck with a very cranky man…and I was perfectly okay with this. We were both a little happier because we were together.”
“When you can sit next to them in complete silence and not have to fill it.”
“You can just be comfortable being with each other.
Also when you laugh about your farts together,” said the Reddit user
While they end with a joke, it’s still very true. There is a level of comfort that you reach with a person you truly love that means you’re no longer embarrassed by those normal parts of being human.
You stop being afraid of just being yourself and stop feeling as though every single moment spent together has to be filled with activity.
“It depends on what you’re talking about.”
“My opinion on what ‘love’ is has changed several times throughout my life,” begins theonlydidymus . “I’ve recently come to the conclusion that love is the same no matter who you feel it for, but love isn’t all you need to feel for your long-term partner or spouse.
“A good test to find out if you care about the person enough to stick around for the long haul is to be forced to smell their farts and decide if that’s a stench you can tolerate at 11:30 as you’re trying to fall asleep.”
“My husband stops randomly and tells me I’m beautiful.”
Erovian_MD explains, “I’ll have my hair in a ‘mom bun,’ no makeup, wearing his pajama pants and catch him staring at me. When I ask what? He says…you’re just beautiful and I love you so much. ❤️”
True love means not needing to dress up or put on makeup to feel like you look good to your partner. And for them to feel like they can trust you to feel the same way about them.
“In my current relationship, I finally get it,” says ddeevv.
“I feel cared for and appreciated every day. I feel like I can talk to him about anything without judgment. We handle any issues by just addressing them upfront, there’s no rudeness or passive aggression. He actively supports my creative endeavors, doesn’t just tolerate them, which is huge for me.
People always say ‘every relationship takes work’ and that’s 100% true but it has taken on a new meaning since I met him because it doesn’t feel like ‘work’ anymore. I never knew it could be this easy.”
“Everyone is different,” Vlaed noted.
“For me, I knew right away. I couldn’t stop looking at her. No matter what she wears, she’s beautiful to me. I never get mad at her, even when I want to be. I smile every time I see her.”
When you really love someone, you love them all the way down to their soul. That’s why things like what they’re wearing or those small slights and arguments don’t matter. You love them no matter what.
“Love for me has changed massively over the years,” notes selfishbutready.
“When I was younger , it was a very very very strong emotion — I would do anything for this person, I wanted to be around this person, I was totally consumed by this person.
“As I got older, got married, I love my wife but it is very different. I love her so much that it is 100% okay if we do our own things, or aren’t together all the time. Hell, if she wanted a divorce, and thought that would be better for us, I love her enough that I would find a way to accept that (hope not!!!!).
“I think I’m just old now.”
“When you’re excited for all the things that scared you to death before.” NyaPapaya says.
“With my ex, something always felt a little bit off and I could never place why but it did,” they continued , “With the man I’m seeing now, it just all fits. I’m not scared to marry him or start a family instead my heart races at the idea that I could be so lucky to spend the rest of this life with him.”
Arguments and debates aren’t going to end the relationship.
“When you can have normal real-life arguments with them without fearing that they’re going to leave you; knowing that you’re just two people working out differences in life and that ultimately you’re on the same team, not dealing with an unspoken ultimatum.” — ohenry78
If you feel like you could leave someone just because they disagree with you then it’s probably not true love. Love can’t survive without the ability to communicate with each other, both positively and negatively.
“When you’re together you feel entirely complete,” says Pisano87.
“I had some bad relationships before and never felt perfectly happy with any woman. Until I met her, two of us could talk for hours and it’d feel like we’re teenagers again just dreaming and feeling excited about life.”
Some relationships are passionate and that’s great, but if you can’t just sit together and talk for hours without running out of things to say, how will you fill years of time together?
“I knew I was in love with my girlfriend when we went to NYC to see a Broadway show,” begins oliverklozov_’s story.
“We walked through Times Square together and it felt like the entire world was at a standstill and that we were the only two there. Thousands of people surround us, but she’s the only one I saw. This continued to happen, regardless of where we went. Even now thinking back, I only remember her. All I see is her.”
I’ve been to Times Square and it’s the perfect example of a place trying to overwhelm and distract you. That’s why this answer is so special.
They continued with an additional, totally romantic note.
” Additionally , my heart does this weird thing when I think of her. I’m not sure what it is. But it kind of…beats harder for one beat? I don’t know how to describe it.”
I love this image. Their heart doesn’t “skip” a beat, but rather beats stronger at the sight of their romantic partner.
True love isn’t just mental or emotional. It’s physical too. You feel it in every part of you, right down to the heartbeat.
“When my cousin was in kindergarten she came home and said she was in love with a boy at school,” begins Ikeepchangingphones.
“Her parents thought it was cute and asked her how could she possibly know something like that at an early age. She replied, ‘because it feels like my toes are running around in my shoes.’ They married right after high school.”
Only a child could come up with such a perfect description of a feeling. It’s that excited tingle and the sense that if you just let them, your feet would start dancing all on their own.
“I feel like love is when someone doesn’t even have to do something for you, just be there, and they automatically brighten your day.”
“There’s no expectation of things,” explains ViperT24 , “there’s no ‘I’ll feel good about you if you do this thing for me or give this thing to me,’ it’s just there regardless.”
True love is without expectations. You just love. It doesn’t matter if the person you love is rich or poor, if they buy you flowers or pick daisies from the side of the road. What matters is that you love each other.
Sarahkrystals still finds it hard to say “I love you,” but for a relatable reason.
“Every now and then it even hurts to say it ’cause it just feels like it isn’t enough to just say it. You know what I mean?
“I say ‘I love you’ to my husband and I feel like no matter how many times I say it, it still doesn’t express how much love you actually feel. So I end up saying it over and over to the point he’s asking me what’s wrong. Lol.”
Some people say that the internet is just full of sad, angry people.
“Around when I first realized I was in love with my SO, I came across a post titled ‘When is it okay to say ‘I love you?” Someone answered, ‘When it hurts not to.’ That’s always stuck with me.” — YaBoyMax
But it’s stories like this one that prove there is good to be found online too. When times are bad, you sometimes have to look a bit deeper, but you can find the internet’s squishy, loving heart.
“If you’re not in love and it ends, you may feel sad, but you also feel a bit of relief,” starts lipstickpiglatin.
“If you are in love and it ends, you just feel like the entire rug has been pulled out from under you, and it’s hard to figure out where to go from there.”
The thing about love is that no matter how much you care for someone, there isn’t a guarantee that they’ll feel the same way.
Sometimes it ends, but that’s okay. You’ll be okay.
“I knew I was in love when she told me I couldn’t tell her what to do.”
Upgrade93 explains why that matters, “She didn’t need me. But she wanted me. She didn’t need my time, but she wanted it. She didn’t need to be with me. She had a line of guys that would have loved a shot, but she chose me.
“And after a few months of her attention, I knew I couldn’t leave. Strong, self-dependent, confident with everything except intimacy, but we worked through that. She helped me be a better person.”
They continued, “I felt like she was filling the cracks in me.” Which is just lovely!
“It’s really hard to get the motivation to make meals for myself, but it’s easy to make something for her.”
SwissyVictory is right, even if it’s a bit funny.
We are willing to do a lot of things for those we love that we never bother to do for ourselves.
Perhaps it’s simply that we suck at self-care, but humans have a tendency to put others first. Whether it’s your significant other or your kids, it always seems so much easier to get off the couch and do things for others than for yourself.
Reddit user donaldej got a bit meta in their answer.
” When the word ‘love’ makes you think of them and you’re fervently searching through these comments to see if anything matches how you feel about this person.”
Oh, come on, you know that’s exactly what you’re doing while reading this article. Whether you’re just looking for the right words for what you feel or validation that the words you have are right, we like to know that we’re not alone.
“The feeling of completion, of fitting together perfectly,” starts a list by Suspense6.
” Always wanting to talk to her and hear her voice, even though I have nothing to say.
Wanting nothing more than to make her happy and take away her pain.
Wanting to be a better person for her.
Wanting to leave my comfort zone to make her feel loved.
Opening up and being completely vulnerable for her; ugly crying in her arms.
Missing her as soon as she leaves.
After introducing her to a very good friend, the friend told me he’d never seen me smile so much before.”
But what made Suspense6’s post extra special was that they tagged user RedRidingBear.
It’s her! He tagged his lady love with his list of reasons why he loved her, and that is possibly the sweetest, most Reddit-y thing someone could do.
So, of course she replied:
“God d***it you’re making me blush and giggle in public!!! Thank you love. I agree with everything you’ve said. I’m too giddy to add anything but am sure I’ll think of something clever later :p”
